“they don’t like you because you’re ugly, gay, and possibly do drag.”

“A Girl” aka Not Like The Other Boys

that’s how i used to view myself.
anytime i got high,
that is the fox i saw in my mind.
i would associate myself with how they spoke of “bullers” in barbados.
( x what a buller is )

*These males that dl males crept into their backdoors secretly to fuck.
*The ones that would be ignored and shamed in public.
*Some dressed up in drag and were labeled crazy.

i was scared to be myself because this is how i felt i was viewed.
it made me super self-conscious and living in my head all the time.
“is this why many of them kept me as a secret?”
“why they didn’t want people to know we were friends/close?”
i’m sure it was true to some but that wasn’t the reality for all.
i asked myself a question while on my day off yesterday…

Continue reading ““they don’t like you because you’re ugly, gay, and possibly do drag.””

males who take care of themselves are gay and are like women?

i agree tho.
i was cool with a straight male who said he doesn’t use lotion.
he took a shower at my crib and asked him if he wanted to cream his skin.

“Thats gay.
Only girls use lotion.”

i felt like it was a light shot toward me.
when he looked in my bathroom,
i had all kinds of face and body products in there.
i dunno what gays he knows but a majority of us ain’t ashy.
as matter of fact,
gays use lotion and all the products to keep us looking tight ‘n’ right.
this is one of the many reasons vixens secretly fall for gay males.
they see us and our glistening skin,
and add our bawdies from the gym,
and wish their straight buffalos would pull it together.
i have noticed something tho…

Continue reading “males who take care of themselves are gay and are like women?”

according to porn jackal, ricky larkin, most black males in porn are too ugly to be visible

i don’t understand most people.
i’m starting to think they do/say dumb shit just so they can go viral.
it baffles me the shit jackals say out loud that they don’t realize comes off offensive.
porn jackal,
ricky larkin,
seems to have that “tone deaf” problem.
he was trying to sound wise,
but ended up looking like a doofus.
he had this to say this about why black males aren’t visible in porn and well

Continue reading “according to porn jackal, ricky larkin, most black males in porn are too ugly to be visible”

i was on a “ugly photos” page

i laid in bed these past few nights and i asked myself:

“Why do people think I’m attractive?”

i’ve always assumed i’m ugly.
when i was younger,
i would get picked on for my big nose and big lips.
i remember always being called “rubber lips” by one of my classmates.
even though i messed with all kinds of fine wolves,
i never thought i was attractive,
but i still did my thing even tho people said i was.
when i revealed myself to the foxhole,
it wasn’t so much about “look at me i’m crutes!!”,
but moreso…

It was time to stop hiding within the shadows of a prison I was creating.

so today,
i got a dm on instagram with this:

when i clicked the link…
Continue reading “i was on a “ugly photos” page”

when you’re ugly in someone else’s camera

we all live in a bubble of what we think we act like to other people.
since we are inside our own bodies,
we only control from behind the wheel.
the way we:


…is all from the control panel in our heads.
when we look in the mirror,
we might see a version we accept,
but that isn’t the true image of who we are.
it isn’t until there is a camera on us that we really see who we are.
when you see yourself on your camera,
you’re fly shit,
but as soon as you’re on someone else’s view,
you see see you truly act/look outside of yourself.
it can be a real culture shock.
some are okay with who they are.
the rest of us…

as much as i think i’m secure with myself,
i get knocked tf back down by my heavy insecurities.
i’m always face to face with something i hate about myself.
it always makes me to wonder

Continue reading “when you’re ugly in someone else’s camera”

The Flawless Fur of Ugly Animals

tumblr_static_9gpfa9xs8204sg8wo00cs80cg_640_v2it’s funny how certain situations in our lives work.
you think it’s all bad,
but in reality,
it serves as a purpose to show you who you are.
who you really are.
it’s like a mirror.
one that only shows all the flaws underneath your armor.
we like to cover things up with material shit,
or many different distractions,
but being in a shit storm has a way of uncovering everything you kept hidden.
that could be the reason why most of us hide behind selfies and “likes”.
we don’t want to allow ourselves to get naked and get real.

“beyonce ain’t never been weak!
you know she the queen ‘n’ shit…”

this situation with work wolf has me picking myself apart.
i won’t even lie to you.
the day he put me on that silent treatment,
are the days i have spent asking myself so many questions.

“am i a good person?”
“maybe i shouldn’t have …”
“was he tired of me?”
“what did i do wrong?”

“did he use me?”
“who have i been replaced with?”

“was i even a factor in his life?”

it has stirred up so much ugly.
i’ve been having this one particular thought tho.
i just shared with karaoke via text…
Continue reading “The Flawless Fur of Ugly Animals”