when you’re ugly in someone else’s camera

we all live in a bubble of what we think we act like to other people.
since we are inside our own bodies,
we only control from behind the wheel.
the way we:

walk
talk
react

…is all from the control panel in our heads.
when we look in the mirror,
we might see a version we accept,
but that isn’t the true image of who we are.
it isn’t until there is a camera on us that we really see who we are.
when you see yourself on your camera,
you’re fly shit,
but as soon as you’re on someone else’s view,
you see see you truly act/look outside of yourself.
it can be a real culture shock.
some are okay with who they are.
the rest of us…

as much as i think i’m secure with myself,
i get knocked tf back down by my heavy insecurities.
i’m always face to face with something i hate about myself.
it always makes me to wonder

Why would someone ever love me?

my nose is huge
my head shape is weird
my smile is ugly
my body language is extremely awkward

i was at a company event today and saw those things on someone’s camera today.

Yuck.

yet,
when i look at others from my job on camera,
they look so good.
they are so chill and photogenic when a camera is out.
i don’t know how to feel natural in front of a camera that isn’t my own.
i’m always feeling insecure about how i’m going to come off.
when i see myself,
i see all the negatives i think about me in plain view.

Do any other foxholers feel the same way when you see yourself onscreen?

isn’t it the pits?

lowkey: this could be body dysphoria typing too…

…because this is a legit representation of how i feel.

Advertisements

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

10 thoughts on “when you’re ugly in someone else’s camera

  1. U Just have to realize, to an extent, we all feel this way! Everybody has things they’d rather change & the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side, you think your co-workers look great but they could be thinking the same thing you are… “GOD that’s an awful pic of me” and remember we are used to seeing our image flipped Majority of our Lives, and most times ONLY from certain angles, so when we see the whole picture it can be shocking to us, but other people have always seen us this way & because it’s not them are usually not as Fixated on the “flaw”

    1. ^i needed this bryan.
      thank you for taking the time to give me a word.
      i always forget others are feeling the same about themselves,
      but they don’t express it also.

      1. No problem Jamari! I LOVE that your honest about how u feel, because ALOT of us have gone through similar feels & it’s healing when we talk, and YES lol Mirrors do have us fucked up, but let’s discuss how we SOUND! 😩 lol the “voice i hear” i fuckin LOVE, but the one I’ve come to know through hearing myself….eh let’s jus say I had to pray about it 😂😂😂

      1. Thank you for sharing, and please never forget that attractiveness is as much mental as physical. While you see yourself as flawed, others may see many attractive things in you. Try to let that confidence grow from within, and the light that follows will draw other people in.

        On a daily basis you show on this blog that you have a wonderful mind. Look at how many people respond on the regular. And a sharp mind is one of the sexiest things out. All the muscles and symmetry in the world can hardly compare to a smart, vibrant personality. I think of accounts of how people would just fall in love with James Baldwin when they met him, even though he wasn’t conventionally attractive. Men–and women–loved him. That mind, that spirit, that personality was everything.

        So just keep tending to your internal garden, Jamari Fox, and as much as you can, don’t worry about how others are viewing you. Appreciate yourself (though not like1 a narcissist LOL), and the rest will follow.

  2. You should practice in the mirror angles and poses. Watch America top next model for tips and tricks. Then just relax and take a nice picture. I wish I knew what exactly was bothering you because once that is fixed then you’ll love what you see. Everything that shows up on the outside is directly from something inside.

    I gained some weight and it is bothering me but I’m still gonna pose in these pics like my life depends on it. I’m still a head turner. I think you just have to love yourself for you and know how to work whatever you got. I wish everyone suffering from low self esteem the best because that has to truly suck not loving who you are.

  3. Sometimes it’s hard to gauge whether your posts are satire or you being upfront. Perhaps, it’s the way I double up things? Anywho…

    Cameras are the ultimate deceivers. Phone cameras definitely. Esp since they are snapping only a moment of reality. This means people can pose and fix it to their liking. Pictures only capture a moment.

    They always say the best picture to take of yourself is video. I have a friend that does this. She takes HD video of her self and then screenshots it. Clever girl.

    If I were to go into the mirror, I could spot every blemish on my face. I really don’t care though. I notice that nearly every person obsessed with their image is either single or hoping from relationship to relationship.

    Then we also have people who like to date carbon copies of themselves….shudder.

    I’ve actually heard several times that how you view yourself is how other view you.

    Realistically speaking, this is true. Unlike still shots and even video, humans see in real time within a 3D plane from all angles. There’s also more at play into attraction than how one’s nose looks.

    Attraction is a combination of many factors including personality.

    One of my most fav confident people is Lizzo. Confidence is really attractive. Like low-key if I ever see someone fine going with what we call average I can already tell they are dating because of that person’s confidence and personality.

    Sure people date for other vain reasons money and sex but for the most part. Most mature and rational adults don’t but it seems like social media is making it more common to change your appearance. Make up too. I remember there was one of your posts about men wearing make up. I found it humorous.

    I used to be ashamed of being naked or taking off my shirt with my past bf. Confidence was like low thinking that since I don’t look like these muscle bound thin waste boys on the screen, I was . Now my naked azz be everywhere round the boo.

    I noticed I had a pimple in the morning and was like..Bish, your cancelled. In the past I would freak out wondering how I would hide it.

    I remember telling you MANY posts ago to always get up and look on the mirror every morning and tell yourself you are beautiful no matter what. It was a while back but I don’t forget that easily…

  4. Oh, Jamari this breaks my heart. And I know this all too well because of what other people were projecting on to me as a kid and into my adulthood I, unfortunately, internalized all of the negative things people told me about myself my self-esteem never got a chance to blossom or reach its full potential, but I eventually got fed up with hating myself and stop believing that something is wrong with me and I eventually grew to love myself the way I’m supposed to be loved and if anyone has a problem with it too fucking bad! So Jamari I hope you will be able to find that peace of mind that you deserve I’m rooting for you as always.👏😘🤗

  5. Same , if I’m not taking a selfie I tend to look odd in other folks random pics. A lot of it is not knowing my angles in front of a camera but MOST of it is others not caring and not going the extra mile to make sure I look good in a pic ( like I don’t when I take their pictures) so I try not to worry about it I just demand we do it it till I’m satisfied lol .I also suffer with acne and just not like anything about myself physically, but I figured life is short and I can either continue to complain( which unfortunately I do a lot) or do something about it . I just started Accutane 2 weeks ago and am working on getting back with my trainer in a few weeks.

    I relate to this because I can have the lowest self esteem , overthink things, and belittle myself to the point I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I went out to brunch Sunday and said something bad about myself and one of my coworker friends turn to me and told me straight faced “ You really put yourself down too much, you need to stop that.” I had no answer or rebuttal because I knew he was right . Sometimes we can be our own worst critic when there is nothing to criticize.

"off topic" and other nonsense gets sent to my spam folder. other than that, play nice and let's discuss!