i laid in bed these past few nights and i asked myself:
“Why do people think I’m attractive?”
i’ve always assumed i’m ugly.
when i was younger,
i would get picked on for my big nose and big lips.
i remember always being called “rubber lips” by one of my classmates.
even though i messed with all kinds of fine wolves,
i never thought i was attractive,
but i still did my thing even tho people said i was.
when i revealed myself to the foxhole,
it wasn’t so much about “look at me i’m crutes!!”,
It was time to stop hiding within the shadows of a prison I was creating.
i got a dm on instagram with this:
when i clicked the link…
…i was taken to a log in screen which was weird.
it took me a while to click it because i was like:
Should I ruin my day?
you know i’m addicted to pain.
i was already feeling emotionally tired and physically blah so lets add on more shit!
when i went to look for the site on my ig explorer page,
nothing came up.
i hit up the pretty vixen and told her what was going on.
What the FUCK????
she sent me this:
this is how the conversation between the pretty vixen and i went:
before she sent me that,
i ended up speaking to my “mirror fox“.
Mirror Fox/Wolf/Hybrid (d): derived from issa in “insecure”.
when you gotta be your own cheerleader and life coach to your-gaddamn-self in the mirror.
even tho the thought of being featured on an “ugly photos” page did hurt my feelings,
i told myself that not everyone will find me attractive.
i don’t everyone attractive and i’m sure it’s the same with me.
it’s life and we will have to deal with that reality.
if i don’t think i’m attractive anyway,
things like that shouldn’t even effect me.
I don’t look like one of the attentionistos,
i’m not like all the other guys,
there are times i’m awkward af,
and i’m not being chased like others i know/on social media.
i was impressed with myself in how i tried to handle it tho.
if this was a few years ago,
it might have really drove me to a breakdown.
stuff like that can be so triggering for someone who is struggling.
folks are getting clever with these hacks tho.
if YOU ever receive anything like this:
DO NOT CLICK THE LINK
don’t be like those folks on fb who click everything sent to them,
put in their passwords,
and then get got.
they send a message about not to respond to random dms sent from their account.
you know those types.