photo credit: hbo
watching last night’s episode of “insecure: lowkey trying” was triggering for me.
i didn’t to watch it last night because i was up til 7am,
playing video games with my gaming friends.
so i was tired af and went to bed early last night.
i know this morning i was gonna watch it as soon as i got up.
i ended up crying because i been in issa’s position before and it really fuckin’ sucked…
(light spoilers ahead)
i use to be cool with someone back in the day.
when we first met,
we clicked instantly.
i had fell out with someone who accused “someone” of trying to come on to her.
that was years before,
but i found it was a lie.
i always suspected the girl was gay/bi and made up the rumor.
we became cool af and did everything together.
we would talk on the phone for hours,
she would introduced me to vixens she was talking to,
and we would even travel together.
it felt like i had a bff for life.
over the years,
she started talking to me any which way.
she would snap at me if i did anything that offended her.
those were the years my self esteem was in the toilet so i allowed it.
her mother use to snap at her,
talk down to her,
and would literally abuse her because of her sexuality.
i guess she would take it out on me.
i tried to make it work on many occasions.
many people would ask me:
“Why does she talk to you like that?”
“I don’t like that she talks to you like that.”
i realize i have/had a soft spot for abuse.
instead of cursing her ass tf out at the first instant,
or maybe even not being friends,
i still tried to make it work because i’m loyal as a friend/partner.
i noticed she would choose other people over me.
she got into a new relationship and replaced me with that person.
some else we met didn’t like me and she chose to fuck with them.
she ended up not being loyal to me so i ended it by simply walking away.
we caught up a year or two ago,
but the spark was gone.
i’ve realized something about me about broken relationships in my life:
I’ll try to make things work.
i don’t know it’s often hard for me to walk away from someone.
i’ll try to mend a “we could fix this” relationship the best way i can.
the other party doesn’t want to try because they know i will.
some “ships” don’t need fixing when they’re ending tho.
issa tried to to make things work with molly when they fell out.
how disrespectful of her to text someone that she is “trying” with her.
I’m mad they both went to brunch and didn’t confront the issue head on tho.
ya’ll nearly fought each other and ya’ll cackling over mimosas?
i had to ask myself…
Was their friendship just “good times” being masked by a ton of underlying issues?
me and my “someone” had a shit ton of good times too.
it’s like a toxic ass relationship with a dude,
but the sex covers the open wound temporarily.
i guess they’re both realizing they don’t truly know each other.
I’m curious how they’ll tackle this for season 5.
lowkey: i loved kerry washington directed this episode.