he wanted to go shopping and wanted me to tag along…
as we looked this one department store,
there was something i have been meaning to ask him:
“are you uncomfortable with me?”
“what you mean?”
“like my sexuality.
does it make you uncomfortable.”
“not at all.”
i brought up our argument when he said he didn’t argue with guys.
i told him that bothered me a little.
“i was pissed off at you.”
“i’ve argued with my straight wolves before.
they never said that.”
“i’ve only argued with dudes about sports or other shit.
its different with you.
i was real pissed that day.”
as we talked,
“if i was uncomfortable i’d let you know.
you don’t make me feel like that.
hell if you went on a date with a dude,
i’d come along.”
as he tried on various outfits,
i gave my “yay” or “nah”.
his upper body looked so good in some of the shirts.
“that working out is working for you.”
he loves it when i talk about his body.
when we are together like this,
we talked about a lot of personal stuff.
he gets completely open.
i like when he is like this.
its different when its just him and i.
i see him for who he is.
someone who is silly and isn’t putting on this “facade” at work.
i even made him apologize for that disgusting attitude last week.
he said “i’m sorry” like 10 times.
“you are hairy”
pointing to his legs.
“do you like being hairy?”
i told him about nair.
he didn’t know what that was.
he said he would try it.
i told him i’d pick him up a bottle.
“how does it work?”
i told him how.
i pointed to my lower body where i put it.
“oh you don’t have hair on you?”
it was like he was expecting an answer.
my silence was the answer.
he ended up buying me a tie.
“wear it tomorrow.”
i don’t have anything to wear it with.
i should have told him to buy me some pants.
he only bought the things i told him to buy.
i even told him buy these nice designer drawz that were on sale.
he never makes a decision without asking me.
when we were leaving,
i asked him about his harem of hoes.
“i’m chillin’ right now.”
“what about that girl you smashed?”
“i’m done with her.
she is getting on my nerves.”
he told me how she is getting attached.
“well you fuck her good so why wouldn’t she?”
“i told her it is strictly fuckin,
but she ain’t listening.”
he showed me his phone with her texts.
she looked really desperate.
every other message was begging to see him agaiin.
i did catch the “we go through a pack of condoms” part.
i nearly fainted.
“is the sex good?”
he told me how she gives good head,
but she isn’t good in bed.
i wanted him to tell me why,
but he ignored the question.
“well don’t reply to her then.”
he says that now,
but when he is horny it will be a different story.
after i left him,
even tho i enjoyed the night,
i realized that this isn’t working.
as much fun as he is,
i don’t know if this will even go anywhere.
he definitely cares for me,
but not in the way i want.
he treats me like “the girlfriend” ,
as he has said,
but i want much more than “this”.
who knows if it will ever happen.
it may not.
his friendship means everything,
but i decided i’m going to back up a little.
i may need to take a mental/emotional break from work wolf.
“its not you.
its definitely me.”