” Suicide is being selfish.”
I always hear people saying that.
But, what is so selfish about it?
Realistically, the person was thinking of a way out of their pain.
Some people suffer alone in this world with no one to speak too.
All this fronting and faking is the new thing to mask very sad people…
But, at what point does one bring themselves to actually kill themselves?
Does it happen when you just feel so low that you can’t look up?
Or, when something happens that may ruin your reputation that the only way is death?
Is it their way of escaping their pain or embarrassment?
Or, is it really selfish?
I had to ask…
Is life really that hard to bring yourself to suicide?
I read about Junior Seau killing himself today.
I did not expect that coming from an NFL Legend.
It really touched me the way how people really cared about him.
They remembered all the good moments he brought to their lives when he was alive.
He had a ton of fans that are hurting today.
What got me was he sent his wife and kids texts saying “Love U” before he took himself out.
It left me wondering if someone didn’t reach out?
What if he got a call before he pulled the trigger?
If someone actually took the time to tell him he was a blessing on Earth, would have tried a little harder to live?
I use to be suicidal HEAVY.
Back in the day: Oh God, yes!
I am not scared to admit that.
It was the past when I was at my worst.
I was looking for anyway to take myself out the game.
I just felt so sad and so low that nothing made me happy.
I was alone, even though I had people around me.
I wanted a Wolf and felt I was invisible.
I felt like the ugliest person in the entire world.
I missed my parents and wanted to be with them.
I saw myself as a life failure that had no future.
I was also dead broke, spending all the inheritance money, and had bills coming in.
It was my entrance into the real world and I was stripped NAKED at that point.
Some gave a shit about me, but I was looking at the ones who didn’t that I wanted to care.
I tried it all: cutting wrists and swallowing pills.
I wanted a painless way out though.
I can’t jump off something or gun in the mouth.
I would imagine that would hurt… bad. lol
I look back at those days and wondered what would have happened if I did succeed?
This site would never have been created and I would not doing half the things I am doing now.
I didn’t stop to think that no pain lasts that long….
It amazes me how people live in a world where you never know who is suffering.
They may be gorgeous, have money, take the greatest pictures, or have many options…
but those things are temporary distractions to a permanent constant pain.
You would be surprised how people you think have it all… are almost ready to give it all up.
I had it all when I was suicidal, and I felt like pure shit.
I may not have had the money, but I had a few people who really loved the shit out of me.
But, all I was thinking was that I wanted a way out and a way out NOW.
On my final suicide attempt,
something happened that made me put the pills back in the bottle and simply just sit on the floor and cry.
I sat here, in the dark, and wondered if suicide can be prevented?
Are some people really that hurt and low that they think death is the answer?
And, is it really the question when you have no more answers left?
I gotta ask you…