I Want 2 Call You Daddy

I’m going to talk about a Straight Wolf that we wanted to love…

…but for many of us, he was never there.
He was a mystery who intrigued us, but hurt us.
For some, he was never there and never wanted to be.
We could call out for him and he would never answer back.
For others, he was there but he was so intimidating,
that we couldn’t fully embrace him like he wanted.
All of us have dealt with him:

..and even our Vixens.

Where is “he”?…

Where was your father?
Did he play a decent sized role in your life?
Or, was he absent and you never knew him?

It is amazing to me how many Wolves and Foxes have fathers and they are not there for them.
But it kills me how they are there BUT choose not to really be there.
Have you noticed there are a lot of single Vixens raising their kids without any father figure?
It is crazy how I’ll be out somewhere and I’ll see a Vixen being Mommy and Daddy.
It can be heart breaking because those poor kids need a father to guide them.
They need a masculine role in their lives to help them balance everything out.
A mother cannot always give what a father can give.

Think about the Wolves you are attracted to and ask yourself this question:

“Are these men replicas of my father?”

I started to ask myself that question when I realized I called Wolves I’m attracted to “Daddy”.
Even though my father was around, I love that relationship of dominant and submissive.
Even though in this lifestyle, we may not be able to share the same rules as our straight counterparts,
I always wanted to know that I held my man down in that “Mommy and Daddy” fashion.

Is this what many Foxes are looking for?
Are they looking for that Daddy figure in a man to replace what they lacked?
And for those who had a father in their lives,
do you think that their roles and what they are looking for change?
And what about Wolves?

How did father’s play in their lives?
I always assumed they had more “masculine” energy to choose their roles…

It all got me thinking about fathers and us…
They say we need a man to really teach us how to be men.
But when you have no/limited father, our friends and the streets do that job.
These Foxes who wear dresses and drag, is this a enhance version of our mothers?
Sure, we CAN have our mother their to guide us, but she can’t fully give us what we need.
Is the reason we as Foxes are looking at things through a female perspective
is because we weren’t taught how to do so through a mans?
It all made me wonder…

Do we really need our fathers?

P.S: Thanks to my reader who suggested this topic.
Anyone want a topic they want me to tackle: jamari.fox@gmail.com

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

14 thoughts on “I Want 2 Call You Daddy”

  1. My Y Chromosome was selfish, money hungry, and favored certain children over others. Out of all my siblings I’m the one who’s the least closest with him in that we can sit in the same room and i’ll have no inclination to want to start a conversation. As he gets older I still feel the same way. I don’t believe in starting over and hitting the reset button. Lets turn things around now that you’re contemplating your mortality a lot more and you’d like to turn back time. Nope. You have years and years, we’ve never fostered that connection and a result, a connection will never be made. Its actually a good thing that i didn’t end up like him because I’d be just the same. My mother gave me way more tools to survive than my Y chromosome ever could have. We don’t realize that simply having a warm body around just happens to own a penis and bring in income and an extra ride to your destination of choice does not make someone a “good” father. There are plenty of aloof, disinterested, emotionally unavailable, abusive, alcoholic, fathers living in these households beating and cheating on their wives and completely ignoring their children.

    I can say with 100% certainty i am not looking for someone to be his replacement. To teach me how to shave or to drive or be a “man” (a concept i can’t stand btw). I see things from a woman’s perspective because their role in a relationship is what i relate to the most. I have no drive to wanna be the “bread winner” and take charge and be some authoritative figure in a household. I feel more comfortable nurturing and being tended to. For me, in reference to the foxes who wear women’s clothing, due to the amount of white gays who grew up in two parent households and still turn out in the same ways we do does not make me believe that a lack of a “male figure” causes someone to want to be like their mothers. Sometimes i think we also forget that there are exists a high percentage of heterosexual black men who grew up in the same single parent households we did. Men have been dressing like like women in all different cultures for centuries long before we even know what a drag queen was.

  2. My Dad is in my life and I’m happy here’s in my life. I glad to have him because I have someone who I know will be supportive of me and etc. The blessing is also a curse in some ways becuase he is very much an alpha male and he is overbearing and everything until recently was about business. It all was just good business but now he is emotional and I am very distant and reserved to the fact that everything in life is a business transaction. I have been referred to by my baller friend who I chill with, as emotionally withdrawl and evil. I accpet it and keep it moving. I agree we become like our father whether we realize it or not. It in some ways is unavoidable.

  3. Great subject, my Dad is an interesting man… He was very rarely there, but when he was it was always money, gifts, treats, do as you please, and wonderful conversations… I saw my grand father and my uncles more a fathers than him, and they were all providers.. They didnt talk much, didn’t show a whole lot of love, but u always had everything you needed.. I , like my mother, am a crazy hard worker all to maintain the lifestyle I am Accustomed to.. Now the men that I usually choose are just like my daddy, never there for me, but they have money, and when they are around they are all the things I like.., intelligent, funny, and their pockets overflow with goodies!! But they aren’t there for me.. I desire a man that will provide and be there, buy somehow I’m attracted to what I’ve always had, and i still end up being just like my mama, working all the time to maintain my lifestyle and I push everyone away cauz I don’t want them trying thinking they’re gonna be apart of what I’ve worked so hard for..so my relationship with my dad, and the other males in my life definitely affects my behavior with men that I date…

  4. My Dad’s great, but he’s tough.

    I’m grateful for the times he made me learn how to change a tire and hold water moccasins so I would know what one looks like.

    We’re not about feelings and all that emotional shit, come to think of it, neither is my mother. Lmao!

  5. “You’re not my daddy you’re my man
    I think it’s time you understand”

    – Kelly Price

    Gotta find replacement words for calling LOVERS “daddy”, “mommy”, and “baby”. Wonder if the ways those words were introduced into relationships was a direct result of what you wrote about in your post above? Still, imagine not being from the the U.S. or another country familiar with this particular vernacular and hearing someone say that in regards to their sex partner. Kinda disturbing

  6. I’m going to keep this short. My relationship with my father was never the best. He was always in and out of my life. The whole relationship was just turmoil and hell. Now that I’m grown I don’t want anything to do with him. I’m in college and I’m holding my own down without his help. I know that some people like to reconcile with their fathers but I don’t want to. I’m my own man without him.

    S/N I think being called daddy is sexy. LOL

  7. My father has been in and out my life with drugs. But now we reconciled and were back coo. I know growing up I had a lot to ask him you know the usual questions. How do I shave, how to drive a car, how to get a female stuff like that and I had to learn myself. I mean my mother and sister were there but there are some things a man can teach a boy so I has to learn myself. It’s funny some of the things I should be asking him he ask me like how to tie a tie and shit about sports lol. He asked me am I the way I am because he always wasn’t there and I told him I prob was gona turn out this way. He really never tells me any thing about it cause I guess he feels guilty about his drug use I mean we had some rough times cause of it but I always tell him ( no offense) I’m not feminine nor do I have HIV. And we have kinda a understanding now

  8. I was fortunate to grow up in a two parent household and my dad is a man’s man, gets along with everyone, a shit talker, went to work, partied hard but was always up and out the door at 6am to support his family no matter what time he came home. He was also rough around the edges and I find I am attracted to those type of wolfs…

  9. This really hits home for me personally. As I’m transitioning more and more into adulthood, learning more and more about this scene (coming from a sheltered religious household), I wonder the exact same thing. I find myself at the point in life where I’m being forced to make decisions as to what category I’m going to fit into, what patterns I’ll establish and where I’m going to position myself in society yet all I can think of in the back of my mind is what if. I know what feels “natural” but the mind is so complex I find myself wondering how I’ve been influenced with the lack of strong male figure. I feel situations affect people individually however I can definitely identify a shift in me and my personality from when my father was present in my adolescence and absent in my preteen/teenage years. It really makes me second guess myself and stifles my progress immensely especially when it comes to presenting myself as a homosexual. When he was present, I was this high-energy, inquisitive, play outside on the playground kid. I know for a fact I distinctly remember being attracted to girls as a boy (makes me question because at that age you’re untainted and influenced in your purest state) and being without any feminine tendencies. But it seems, in my father’s absence I’ve lost something or something “changed” along the way somehow something that was supposed to have been indoctrinated didn’t stick. Although, I of course can alter my personality at will, I find compared to ultra-masculine males I falter in what society perceives to be indications of “manhood” when I am not aware. I find it incredibly difficult to relate to “masculine” men beyond surface levels and I’ve recently realized I do not trust “manly” men whatsoever nor do I like them. In fact, shockingly enough I feel comfortable saying the way they carry themselves is slightly disgusting to me. Now don’t get me wrong I’m all for them providing and protecting etc but its something about the way they speak, move, think, etc that turns me off. And now I realize, this is a serious issue that if I can be honest I’m not quite sure how to work through. It almost seems hopeless because I feel like its too late and I am too old. Like I said I believe in individuality and I believe the natural order of things the way life SHOULD go as opposed to how it does, is for each parent to be for their child exactly what’s needed that may look different for different people. I can say with full confidence, there’s something missing, there’s something that I needed that I didn’t get and I’VE REFUSED to go looking for it in another man. So here’s to being kind of stuck Jamari…

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