Nah nah nee boo boo.
My site is much better than yours!
You probably wouldn’t like me too much if I did that to you, huh?
Well, everyone else is so does this mean I’m not cool?
I have noticed humans have become modern day “Nelson from The Simpsons” bullies.
Instead of being forced to eat sand in a wonderfully made cake in the sandbox,
or getting pulled up the flag pole by your underwear,
it has now been replaced by tactless internet mud slinging and “I am much tougher than you” demeanors.
Have we all just become grown kids?
And, what is the best way to handle a situation like this?
I had to ask…
Are you a bully?
I was cruising down the blog highway last night and made a pit stop at a very interesting site.
It was a blog that was pretty popular amongst gays because it was very very messy.
They were judging random people by their pictures and outing different male singers and actors they felt were hiding in the closet.
“I dunno why she hiding in the closet gurl. Clear as day.”
“She needs to come out and stop hiding!”
“Her career aint shit anyway because will snatch that wig.”
Some of it was funny, but other comments stung.
It suddenly it dawned on me that this was “in”.
Being nasty to others and keeping up with drama was the new black.
I mean, just look at all the shows on television right now.
If you aren’t being a vicious bitch or fist fighting with everyone in your “clique”,
you are labelled boring and uninteresting.
But before this, I noticed a lot of gays tend to be bullies themselves.
They find joy in tormenting people they feel are not “open” with their sexuality.
They also find joy in degrading what they deem as “perfect”.
They try and talk down to the person and make them feel like their existence is simply “taking up space”.
And then the straights who are so adamant about picking on someone who they suspect is gay…
Vixens do it because they are just too damn nosy.
Plus, somewhere deep inside, they want to fuck you but they aren’t sure.
Wolves who tend to do it…
In a age where kids are hanging themselves over tweets,
people are pulling you out the closet by your legs,
you are getting robbed for what you worked so hard to achieve,
and your opinion labels you a “hater”,
I started to wonder when people started getting so mean?
Is it because we are older and can pretty much say what we feel?
Is it the retaliation of people who were picked and now learned how to get balls?
Or, is it the media making “bitch” and “asshole” happen?
Is the world backwards?
Is being a bully the new form of respect?
And, why do we get mad at others for defending themselves?
You can secure 10,000+ if you talk shit about everyone.
You can become a loner if you choose to be a decent human being.
Seems like everything is backwards or….
Not that I hadnt really noticed before but it became so clear to me after Whitney died and the comments from the blogs and yahoo, just how mean, nasty, miserable and disrespectful we as a society have become. I am guilty of loving gossip and wondering about someones sexuality but actually questioning someone sexuality is a no-no in my book especially on a site geared toward str8 people, because I have been on the receiving end and it aint no fun. This kind of salacious gossip drives most of the black str8 celeb blogs. It seems like the fem guys have a problem with you if you carry yourself like a man, they want to tell the world you are just like them, and most of the females and fems guys must know that these fantasy dudes they dream of will never be with them, I admit, I am predjudice against fem guys, I do not hang out with them and only associate with them from a distance due to all the messy behavior they love, personally I have no desire to be or act like a female.
In this media driven culture, we see the glitz and glamour but never the dark side, the insecurities that come with that fame, we want to be rich and famous because many believe that the people who are, are just like us, so we deserve this chance as well. We as black people and as gay black people have been through so much oppression, that we are quick to tear down our own every chance we get. I read mediatakeout and bossip and not signaling them out but they are so negative against black celebs, and the celebs dont make it no better being jerks and a-hole so its a bad back and forth. I am guilty of laughing inside when a celeb or athelete gets their just desserts when they have been nasty like T.O., but then a part of me feels bad for them and feels bad for laughing because at the end of the day, they are just like me human. I have tried to place myself in their shoes and look at things from a different perspective of how would I feel if everytime I step out the house, someone is judging me for everything. It takes a strong person to withstand that pressure.
I have now gotten so turned off by all the bullying and bad behavior that I see on TV especially on shows like B-Ball Wives and Love and Hip Hop, and its just as many other ethnicities acting up as well, but I dont follow them, can only speak about what I know and its not a good look. Everyday I try to grow and become a better person, and many times I hardly reach the mark, but I keep trying, now see that even the little comments that we make toward our friends and family members may have a detrimental effect that we dont realize. I moved toward a healthy lifestyle on last year eating better and getting into great shape, but the negative people in my family and some of the less than positive things from some friends have shown me that it is rare for people to be happy for you when you are trying to do something to better yourself, so if our own circle is like that imagine what hell celebs must be in.
I agree with Vain, for the most part.
But in addition to that, I think it some ways we’ve learned that we have to be if we expect to make it in this world. I learned that early on. I can’t live with my heart on my sleeve because motherfuckers out here will snatch it the first chance they get.
I am attractive to a wolf/fox who not only confident but he lift those around him up. That is uber hot to me. He aint got to step on your neck to feel taller…
100 and 10 percent agree on this post. Coming from someone who works in a field where looking good is half the battle of getting a job before you even open your mouth to prove you have some education, its tough. People in the industry have told me don’t aspire to be great because you skin tone is way too dark for success. I’m not going to lie because I respected him, I didn’t grab my gun but it was then I realized I have to love ME MORE because no one else will. Recently I got comments about me being the “chocolate boy” and people trying to bullying me telling me how I should do my job. I embrace it. I am chocolate baby and who doesn’t like chocolate? Anywho I learned that opinions are like assholes everybody has one. 2, As long as YOU’RE GENUNINELY happy, who gives a worldly crap? 3. Take time for yourself, to take care of yourself and build a “metal skin” because no one will give 2 cents about you. Love life! Lastly, I don’t have the energy to entertain bs. If its not constructive criticism, the phone clicks, the email gets deleted, and if its in person, I walk away.
Freedom of speech doesn’t mean freedom from the consequences of said speech. That last part gets removed a lot nowadays. People get coddled — everyone gets a medal, instead of learning how to deal with disappointment & learn how to excel. I feel a rant coming, so Imma stop here, but when the bullied get disciplined for defending themselves from the bullies, there’s a problem.
Man……this is by far my favorite post. Cyber-bullying seems to be the new black. As long as you are anonymous you can be the biggest bitch(ass) and sadly there are more and more people who are infected with this social disease. I find myself being that way, trying to keep up with the Jones (popular blogs). Just llast night i was ready to go IN on Trey Songz but then i thought about it and decided against it. Although i am very opinionated i am not naturally a mean person. The media glorify this kind of behavior. Its in our music, on television, in our schools, on our computers. We cant even go to CHURCH anymore. I could be all day with this subject….Smdh
Well when you are mean, many people become intimidated by you, so they have no choice but to respect you. I’m like that sometimes too. I like to let people know that I’m not the one to be messed with. Don’t get me started on the people who always accused everyone of being gay, they get on my damn nerves. When I was in highschool, I didn’t talk to the dudes in my school that I knew were on the DL, so of course there was always friction with me and the other Downlow dudes even though I am one myself. It made them angry that I didn’t want to converse with them. They didn’t understand that at that time I just wanted to keep to myself.
^i can see this point.
I strongly believe that you have to show everyone they cannot punk you.
We have a world of new aged bullies that will try to check you.
You can do all of this by your presence and not saying a word.
Hey jamari, This is my first time commenting on your blog. And I feel like your so right about this. I read some of the comments on some of these blogs and they’re down right hateful. I cringe at some of the things that’s said & I choose not to say a lot. I tend to get the label the peacemaker lol from my sisters I want everyone to get along. But some just choose to act ignorant anyway so you have to ignore them and keep it moving. And if there talking about you u must be somebody anyway . Ok done luv u Jamari keep being u fuck the haters!!!
^thank you Jessie!
Your comment meant a lot.
I was bullied a lot when I was younger.
I do not like to see other people get bullied or harassed.
I try not to out anyone or be disrespectful.
In life, we will always talk about someone else,
But when you become ignorant,
That’s when you need to be chin checked.
You’re so nice Jamari, how could somebody pick on you?
^you know what it was?
I was timid and always wanted to be “the nice guy”.
I have this fear of not being liked.
I trusted people too fast.
Being shocked when i gave an inch and people took it all.
I was used and abused being “nice”.
I guess I’ll be boring then…*shrug*
Granted, I can get ignant & snarky like the best of em, but my aim isn’t to be a jerk or a-hole — and the fact that we glorify this now (pick a reality show) is…ugh!
^have you noticed the ones who out people,
While doin the most ignorant things….
I’m often cringing at the thought of the “public hanging”….
But they get a book deal, a reality show, and 10gs off the bat.
I think it’s just a sign of the times. Although people have always been and will always be mean and nasty, due to this new digital age we have made it easier to put it out to the world. Especially now that you get to be anonymous. It’s definitely glorified by the media as you can see by which shows get the most attention. People like to see other people be miserable because it has become entertainment. But we aren’t mean to everyone though, for certain individuals it’s fashionable to be all up underneath them and often when they are undeserving (see: beyonce, The Kardashians, cute guys on social media, Chris(tina) Brown, etc).
On a more local level, we tend to be mean to each other because most of us are miserable ourselves. Happy people don’t really have a need to put someone down. An often times we’re told to believe we’re great and wonderful and all that but when we’re exposed to others we aren’t really allowed to BELIEVE it.
^i like that last statement.
“we aren’t allow to BELIEVE it…”
Can you explain that?
Where always told to to think of ourselves as all of these great things. To hold ourselves highly and to walk with confidence. But when put into the public amongst our peers we are constantly bombarded with people who make it their duty to knock you down a few rungs on the ladder. People Who will send you hate mail, call you names, write nasty things about you, tell you how ugly/wack/fat and overall unworthy of attention you are. ‘You arent that… (insert adjective here)’… ‘She thinks she’s so… (insert adjective here).’ We aren’t really encouraged to give props where props are due. Just look at the dislikes on YouTube videos and the amount of negative comments on anything that allows comments.
We are encouraged to feel good about ourselves from books to blogs to family to friends… But you aren’t really allowed to BELIEVE that you are and others will make sure of that.
^that is the most POWERFUL statement you have said on this site.
You have said some real influential things…
But this was well written.
You should be proud of yourself.
Lol I’ve always noticed this and try to avoid doing it myself. On here, for example, when I’m giving props I often add ‘…I can’t say he isn’t’ to the end of my statements even when I don’t see it. I think it’s important to recognize or at least acknowledge something positive in someone else. It’s very easy to be mean and nasty which is why I think we’re all so quick to believe the negative things about ourselves and so slow to accept the positives.
In my own life I’ll believe I’m fat or ugly or not enough long before I’ll believe I’m worthy of someone who looks like LaRon Landry even if he’s standing in front of me sparking up conversation. It’s something I’m definitely working on.