This is a Ask Jamari question on PDA.
Some background: I was with a group of friends and associates of about 10 latin, black, multi-racial, in and out of the closet, feminine up to masculine and one of them let’s call him Jay who is dl masculine wolf ask everyone how they felt about pda (public displays of affection) between men such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing. He of course said even if he wanted to he’d never do it in public due to social norms etc. Another said he came from a home with no pda, nobody ever said I love you so he was uncomfortable doing it or somebody doing it to him in public. The answers varied but the one who surprised everybody was _____ who was a drug dealer when he was young, went to prison after killing a guy who gave him a date rape drug then went to college and now holds a phd. True sports addict and no one ever believes he’s into men. I’ve seen women be irate when they try to hit on him and he tells them he’s not interested and he likes men only. Well, he said at 17 he told his mom and family…does not use gay to describe himself but loves a male relationship solely. Well, he has no problem with pda at all in public whether initiating or being the receiving party. I’ve gotten more comfortable with some forms of it but for me it’s a time and place as I feel you have to be present in your environment. You may want to show your love but you have to use common sense as well. Overall, most men of color seem to be uptight about it so I was wondering how you felt about it.
So, if a guy you were involved with wanted to holds hands, hug you, or kiss you in public how would you react?
No limitations…some limitations…not allow it, etc
before i start,
how cool does your circle sound?
i’d like to meet and grow with males like that one day.
it’s interesting to hear the various backgrounds from different gays.
some received constant love and affection all the time,
while others didn’t get the love they needed growing up.
it ended up manifesting into different outlets:
– being a real mega asshole where we chase folks away naturally
– thinking every smile means we need to drop our underwear
– being closed off from experiencing any affection because it’s foreign language
i have a theory that’s how “bullies” are formed.
no one who was getting constant examples of love is out here picking on folks.
so when we get into relationships,
we are either “the best they ever had” or a stone wall incapable of anything.
pda is interesting,
because next to the passion of sex,
it shows just how into someone we can be.
to answer your question:
I’m not into the heavy PDA thing
…which is one of the reasons i couldn’t really date someone who is out.
we have different views on relationships.
i love being discreet and living “just enough of private” than others.
i wouldn’t be slobbing my wolf down in public,
but i would do it in the movies or a private beach.
it’s not due to insecurity,
it’s just how i fuckin’ get down.
now that might scheduled to change if i meet a real one.
if he could penetrate my walls hard enough,
i might hold a hand or grab his pipe in secret…
…and i’d let him grab my tail,
but that’s as far as i’d go.
it’s all with folks comfort levels,
which others don’t understand.
some want to let the forests know they’re together,
while others like to be more private in the shadows.
the problem i have is when others pressure you into doing it.
a lot of outs will shame you because you don’t do what they do.
…should always be your “go to” response for their ignorance.
if pda is your thing,
go right ahead.
if it isn’t then that’s okay too.
don’t feel shame over your limits.
you might meet someone who makes you very comfortable.
real “love” can often do that.
i hope that answered your question reader!
it was a good one.