f0xmail: i get so lonely in this life. do you feel the same?


Hope your doing well. I’ve been a big fan of your blog for a long time. It speaks so much volumes as a black gay male. Something I’ve struggled with is feeling like i dont quite measure up to my peers, family, and colleagues in the relationship department. Looking back I realize that I dont really have any long tenured relationships. I’m not sure you could relate to this. I’ll be turning 30 next year and have been bombarded with strong feelings of loneliness recently. Can you relate?


first off,
thank you for all the love and support.

much appreciated on this end..
now let’s font…

to answer your question:


every single day.
i feel like many gay males feel this way.
even the cute ones with the nice bawdies.
as you know,
gay males don’t really have any big responsibilities.
some of don’t have kids or live like the straights.
we’re pretty much free to do whatever we want.
for some,
that can lead to a life of no direction.
others spend their days working hard to enjoy luxuries,
but that also doesn’t mean it will lead to a long lasting relationship either.

people have this crazy misconception within the gay community:

“It’s not about looks!”

excuse me?
the gay community is EXTREMELY judgmental.
if your face ain’t clear,
your bawdy isn’t a1,
your clothes don’t look runway ready,
and your ig doesn’t look like you got millions in the bank,
you’re pretty much down the food chain.
even the ones down below sit on a high horse.
they won’t even be your friend if they can’t fuck you.
i use to think i wanted a wolf that was cute but didn’t know he was.
i learned real quick those are the most toxic.

the gay community is built on three things:


you can spend your life going to clubs,
fuckin everyone in your circle,
and still end up with no one.
you could walk into work one day,
sit next to another dude,
and he becomes your man forever.
you could also switch those outcomes for different results.
this life is a toss up.
even with the straights these days,
it’s not guaranteed a partner.

i’m not gonna be one of those that gon’ say:

“Open up your horizons and your man gon’ come!
Now take two steps to the left,
click your heels,
and spin around in a circle for optimal results.”

it don’t work for the straights and it damn sure don’t work for us.
i’m also not gonna be one of those that will say:

“You should go out there and have sex.
sex sex sex sex sex.
go have sex.
more sex.

…because for someone who is lonely,
that is also a fleeting moment.
once the nut is busted,
you’ll be craving for the companionship.
it’s like sugar and being addicted to sweets.
if you want to fuck,
then go right ahead.
nothing wrong with it,
but it’s not the end and be all to being gay/bi.
gay males want love,
but like most males,
we don’t know how to express it.
sex and social media are where we show our manly dominance,
but for those who are seeking “more”,
we need to put that same energy into love someone else.

at this point,
i’m focused on my happiness.
if success comes with meeting someone else along the way,
so be it.
if not,
i’m learning to be okay with that too.

i hope the same for you as well.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

39 thoughts on “f0xmail: i get so lonely in this life. do you feel the same?”

  1. Damn thats so true
    I ve fell the same.for long time i was addicted tonstraight male.i was always fall in love to straight.some was have sex me.i was just they sex friend or they use use me for sex.i’ve think for very long time have sex and being a whore or pornstar for men on bed would make someone fall in love with me but not.i was give them the best sex they can,but they always leave me to settle with a woman or a man who was basic to me.
    After many crying on my bed i decided to stop this life of sex.reject all men who was just call me for sex.and more important xhange my perception of a perfect men:black,tall,muscle,big dick,bad boy look,and with money.
    No more wolf men for me because they wasnt good to me.
    After 6 month of no sex.i meet someone a white daddie look wiith little belly who was pursuing me for longtime.i give me a chance and for my first time a got a real diner date and dont finish with sex nor a kiss.he was patient,kindle,and really grown mind.
    Today its has been 3 years of love
    So i think its sometimes great to go on the opposite direction.

    Sorry for my english im french

  2. Stay strong my brother!!! Everyone gets lonely at some point and time, even married people, surround yourself with positive people, don’t focus on your loneliness, do something you’ve always wanted to do, don’t look for love, let it come to you!!! I hope this helps.

  3. Jamari, you’re giving sound advice as always. It took me a minute to realize it but in this life you have to learn to enjoy your own company more often than not. As an only child its easier for me to do than most. People really need to start admitting that dating boils down to timing, luck, and location. Heavy emphasis on luck. I see it wit ppl I know and dudes off IG. They’ll appear like the gay wet dream but lament how they cant find anyone to love. As men we aren’t taught healthy ways of showing emotions especially love. So it’s going to be 100x harder to find and keep it. Hell I’ve had to evaluate if I want a lifelong relationship it sounds daunting af.

  4. Pretty much, what someone said about surround yourself with positive people.

    I suspect that many gay men feel lonely because they live up to heterosexual views. I’ve felt this “lonely” before but that was a long back because I was convinced or trained that I needed to be with someone to secure some form of acceptance and fill love. My loneliness now is derived from wanting sex.

    Personally, I think the soulmate stuff is a bunch of rubbish created to profit off of people’s emotions, but that’s just my opinion.

    This is a very mirror like world. Mankind has set up his own principals of living and how others should live their life and it’s a shame most folks think it’s the key to life or having a good life, as we know from past posts, a couple that comes together doesn’t always stay together. A man will say he loves his woman but still cheat on her.

    Turning 30 and feeling lonely? Rubbish. You’re still young as hell. Come back in 20 more years and say the same.

    I did a post as while back that may have came off as a bit rude: stating that gay men being in a relationship serve no purpose to the Universe.

    I mean it’s sorta true from a extensive view.

    As in, heterosexual couples get together, they are “supposed” to do so for reproduction purposes to extend the life cycle blah blah..but it appears people get in relationships to feel loved and be happy too and that needs an eyeroll.

    You can get the same compassion from a best friend as you do a lover but people throw sex into the equation making it more “intimate”.

    A gay man should never feel lonely in search of a relationship because he has sectioned himself from the commitments of such things that dictate heterosexuals.

    There is a saying that, “Those who remain foolish, remain hungry.” Much so, Id like to say, “Those that entertain loneliness, manifest bitterness.”

    I won’t go into too much detail (maybe I will a little knowing me) but whenever anyone feels lonely, like they need a person, it means their connection is weak with the Universe at the moment and they need to recharge and find “something” to do. Meditate, Go take a walk in the park, treat yourself out to dinner, a picnic, go to a zoo. Anything that will connect you back with nature (Universe) is recommended because the Universe can fulfill you better than any person ever could.

    When you do this and become stronger in your vibrations, the Laws of Attraction will activate, so you have to be very careful with what you are thinking about at this time because things will begin to manifest. People will naturally gravitate towards you.

    You can also make “requests” but don’t “ask” for them. Create them. Don’t say, “I need a man because I feel lonely.”

    That will give you a bag of mixed results (or nothing at all) because you’ve just sent out two conflicting requests. And yes, saying one thing and thinking another will negate requests too.

    It’s better to be thankful for what you have. For example, “I am happy, and I am blessed and content with all that has been given to me and I will find someone just like me to share it with.”

    Most of the time, you’ll get a sign not too long after…It could be anything from animals appearing randomly, and stuff that you feel is “odd” or even repetitive numbers (like seeing 555 multiple times in a day, could mean huge changes are about to unfold and the Universe is at work..Stay postive and focused on your goals.)

    But anyways, as I always say, Remain positive and don’t doubt lest you create your own delusional calamity and stay in that bubble until you die.

  5. Lol! you created this ENTIRE POST in an indirect, passive aggressive response to my feedback in your previous “Hoe Phase” article. Dude… can you be any more transparent?? You absolutely made up the “fan/reader letter”, changed the spelling & appropriate grammar to throw off your common visitors, and then responded to yourself. it’s NO coincidence whatsoever that you purposefully tackle the issue of “im not saying to broaden your horizon & everything will be merry” & “im not saying sex, sex and more sex either”.

    You do this every single time I make a splash in your comment section. The next day or a few days later, the next featured article is filled with phrases, sentences and thoughts stemming from you that are in direct correlation with my feedback from the previous topic. How many, “IM SO LONELY” articles are you going to post?

    This one, you tried to get away with by framing it as a reader response article. Dude….


    stop avoiding it.

    There isn’t one gay black male blogger who is successful who does not or never has had a video component to their platform. This is 2018. We are standing at the dawn of a new year. If you want to reach pinnacle success as a “blogger”, you cannot continue making the same 5 posts every week…

    1. Marvin B.’s butch kween disguised as STR8 male model of the moment.

    2. Loneliness & Depressive circumstances for this week.

    3. Black Athlete Scandal but sudden forgiveness by end of post because his BAWDY in these attached photos looks so good.

    4. Reader Response letters that you mostly write & respond to yourself.

    5. Being broke, jumping temp agency jobs & trying to find advertising support without CHANGING your online approach.

    ****put up a GO FUND ME for video camera equipment. I will donate the first $100! stop hiding. no one is going to invest in a product in 2018 without a major video or audio component.

    1. ^actually,
      that email came last week and i’ve been meaning to respond.
      i don’t “make up” emails that come in.
      that’s pathetic.
      i’m not gonna out the reader who sent it so you can believe what you need to.
      did i use your latest comments as inspiration?
      but i felt it fit the email perfectly.

      why are you trying to help me all of a sudden brent?
      what is your end game here?
      you have been absolutely disgusting to me in the past.
      your behavior in these comment boxes have not made you likeable in my eyes.
      quite frankly,
      you have been an awful person to me and i’m confused as the sudden change of heart.
      i don’t trust a snake who has bitten me in the past.
      one who i did absolutely NOTHING to you and tried to throw me under the bus.
      you questioned my character and disrepected me.
      you vanished and you suddenly want to be mother mary of good and grace?

      you have spamming my comment boxes when i have an email you can use to contact me.

      1. and even with these comments,
        you’re still being a straight up bitch to me.
        i’m not listening to shit you gotta font until you come at me correct.

        try this again brent.

        1. Please calm down Jamari. You may feel that I have been a “bitch” towards you. However, the only way that you sat back and stopped attacking black trans women, making fun of their appearances, circumstances & struggles was for me to get serious in my approach. My initial statements back in 2016 were very direct and soft in tone. You began rallying behind the misguided comments made by other young, inexperienced readers. You tend to do that. I could tell at that moment that you were not seasoned enough as a black gay male to comment intelligently or even philosophically about the trans experience. It took at least 7 – 10 comments stemming from me for you to stop & stand clear from that topic. Then, you made very snide remarks about the ballroom scene — another aspect of the LGBT community that you aren’t at all well versed in. Again, I provided you many VISUAL examples at the time to defend a certain male ballroom figure. You again rallied behind the few 20-something, inexperienced readers who were commenting on your behalf.

          I genuinely LOVE the framework of your blog. I read it at least three times each week. You have the concept and idea of blogging down pact. You simply do not fully understand engagement. That is the reason why your social media following does not match your website readership. You leave out the most important element of this website/platform — YOU!

          Think about B. Scott, Kid Fury, Xem VanAdams, Funky Dineva, and the list goes on…

          Everyone loved them because we could listen to them and see them and fully engage with their thoughts. THEY ARE THE BRAND.

          You hide behind photos, quotes, stories and video clips that feature OTHER PEOPLE.

          I want to see you continue to grow!

          That cannot happen if you do not put your face, your voice, your likeness & direct experience on camera or video recording.

          Your Instagram, Twitter & tumblr would actually increase to mirror the THOUSANDS that follow this site specifically if you properly branded yourself.

          You CAN monetize your videos and never again have to leave the confines of your apartment. You want this to be your bread & butter? STOP following the same routine that has kept you stagnant all of this time.

          You don’t trust me because I don’t sing your praises in every comment section. I challenge your growth, correct you when you are wrong & reach out a hand to help redirect you. If all you desire are hangers on & soft, go along with the flow type “fans”, you’ll never reach the levels of the more successful black gay bloggers that I previously mentioned.


          You express it to us on a WEEKLY basis.

  6. LMFAO!!! What a mess

    Anyways I’m a victim of seasonal depression so all the feelings of loneliness and being unfulfilled are par for course. I used to say being gay is hard but hell my straight friends can’t get it right either and they stay in useless relationships just so they ain’t lonely. I refuse to settle which I don’t know if it comes from pride, fear of being vulnerable or what exactly. I do know I have some things emotionally that I need to work out. I just don’t know how to trust someone actually likes me and wants me if they don’t put in the work. Yes I like to be approached and I like you to make the first move because I need to know I matter to you. I hate making the first move because I really can’t deal with rejection all that well since I’m familiar with the pain it causes. It’s a weird time of year with all the holidays envoking family and the weather making one want to stay in and be cozy. This too shall pass but for now just call me Scrooge. Lol

  7. First of all Jamari I can’t even believe you wasted your energy responding to that fool! Block his ass and keep it moving! Another obsessed troll trying to disturb the peace. Damn some people really need a hobby.

    Anyway to respond to the letter, turning 30 is the most lonely thing to ever happen to me. But then all my friends gay and straight said they were scared asf too. I think it’s the idea that 40 is right around the corner and we all get intimidated and try to figure out our lives right away.

    Truth is being alive in general is an accomplishment! I lost a lot of fam who were 1 years old, 7 years olds, 16, 21, 25 and who never got to see 30.

    You still got your whole life to figure out young man; it’s not a race or a competition. Your life was designed to be a certain way for a purpose so don’t take it for granted and take on each day with stride. Makes moves, travel, do things alone and figure out what you like and you don’t like along with what you want and don’t want as you are in control of your destiny!

    Peace and love!

  8. J never trust a BITCH who can tell what you need to do to be successful but they dont have their own successful platform. This character is one shady ass Queen, who in their right mind would trust anything they say. Insult after insult and then trying to play like its love GTFOH with that fake Bullshit. Typical troll who wants attention.

    Anyway, on the subject at hand, let me first say that I heart Jammy. He does not even know how he makes me explore and research, his perspective is always fresh and makes you think and he gave the perfect advice to the reader.

    We as Gay Black men have to accept the fact that most of us are broken and no relationship is going to mend us. We have to mend ourselves. If you can find someone who admits that they are broken and they are open to you all both getting healing then maybe you can find that soulmate that so many of us want. If the truth be told however, we want the man with the looks, muscles, great sex, and money, just to name a few of the shallow qualities that the majority of us look for in a mate if we are totally honest. How many times have you seen an unattractive overweight person with a sexy mate and think to yourself that it must be money involved or some other benefit and not respect that particular relationship. I have seen it happen with both gay and str8 couples. Many of us believe we can get them using our looks, body, sex etc. Many of us dont respect relationships but want to be in one. It gets to be exhausting after a while. When it is all said and done you have to love YOU and work on YOU.

    Dear Reader 30 is the time to grow and explore, just exercise, drink lots of water, eat fruits and vegetables and travel by yourself and with friends. Loneliness will hit us all at some point, but in creating a real life you can push through it and still come out on top.

  9. To answer the foxmail, YES lots of us feel this way but like jammy said above it’s because we look to the hereto world of relationships and use it as a base for how we should be out here. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with wanting to find someone and build a relationship but straight people have a better advantage because of the hereto world we live in and the amount of selection there is for them. They don’t really for the most part have to try it just becomes available for most, we as black gay,bi, or trans men we have to jump through hoops it seems like.

    I wanna say just focus on you and the guy of your dreams will pop up but that’s not the case all the time like Jamari said. For me it’s confidence I struggle with, and I’m not willing to put myself out there for the most part. I’ve been working on changing that now, training with a trainer at the gym, starting back with therapy, and doing more self care things such as traveling to boost my happiness. Now doing all of this won’t equate to a nigga or a relationship but it’s making me happier and I would like to think that’s what truly matters. In the past I’ve dealt with hanging on the words that guys I was interested in said, because I didn’t like me and I wanted them to like me so I would go out of my way to be there for them as a listening ear, or stroke their ego in a way their girl wasn’t, or even offering rides and such just to seem like I was helpful to them and such.

    I feel like as lgbt men of color we don’t love ourselves enough.

    1. ^thank you jammy and tajan

      i’m very content with how i write.
      i don’t particularly want to be infront of the camera so if i don’t become successful as the others than that’s just how it’ll be.

      1. you’d be a fool to continue listening to your common, ground level readers like JAMMY & TAJAN — neither of whom can do anything tangible to advance your career or opportunities. I try so hard to help you younger gays see life beyond your circumstances, but you especially seem so transfixed in keeping complacent within this mosh pit of online fanfare. I am literally offering you $100 to put towards your first camera. here you are NOW SAYING that you’re fine with remaining stagnant. that’s honestky not how you feel. you want advancement. you’re simply scared, nervous and uncomfortable with change. STOP HIDING. All growth & advancement is rigid & uncomfortable in the beginning. Do you really want to be in the SAME financial & social position AGAIN at the end of 2019? I really need you to fully understand that while these readers may like your work, their comments of love & support will not edge your career forward. I am telling you the 100% truth. And I know that you are smart enough to know that it’s onky your FEAR that is preventing you from taking the next necessary step. It has nothing to do with me or my approach. YOU ARE THE ONE STANDING IN YOUR OWN WAY. It doesn’t matter what anyone else on this thread comments or replies to say. Every word I have shared is the ultimate truth.

        1. Yo Brent, why don’t YOU plaster YOUR pic/vids all over the place?
          There are plenty of bloggers that run successful blogs without posting their pics/videos. It’s not needed.
          You’re being messy right now. I guess this is how a “seasoned” gay black male sucha s yourself acts. Kinda sad AND typical.

          1. no, there aren’t any successful, openly gay black bloggers of our time who do not offer video and/or audio as a major component of their platform. not one. you are wrong.

          2. and if i were more of a creative and brand influencer, I absolutely WOULD have my face and videos plastered amongst the World Wide Web.

            It would be foolish of me in 2018 not to.

            who wants to run or operate a gay pop culture website whose secondary promotional tools (social media), barely crack a few hundred likes… if that?

            WHY would an aspiring, independent blogger not listen to a marketing executive whose years of experience have literally grown & developed a landscape of other consumer brands?

            It isn’t smart for the entity we only know as Jamari to clamber for blogger life success, but then refuse to make the NECESSARY changes in order to reach that success.

            In life, it is our FEAR that inhibits our growth. period. and gay men are famous for defending those who wallow in that fear, cause they too live lives stifled by a refusal to make changes themselves. You all have to stop coddling him or he will spend all of 2019 still suffering depression, sadness & feelings of professional failure. Your defense isn’t helping him, nor are your verbal attacks on my efforts.

          3. “WHY would an aspiring, independent blogger not listen to a marketing executive whose years of experience have literally grown & developed a landscape of other consumer brands?”

            It’s all in the delivery…and yours has been condescending and rude. I wouldn’t listen to anyone like that either.

          4. If we as gay men don’t trade our panties for grown men “drawls”, continuing to be ever-so-offended by every little message that isn’t verbally wrapped in rainbow pitch & butterfly tone, we will forever exist at the bottom of the corporate totem pole. You are doing Jamari a huge disservice by making him feel that he should ignore my help and words of advice simply because they are being written in the sane fashion that he will face as the successful blogger taking executive meetings in LA, Miami, London & his stomping grounds of New York City. This is the real world. I didn’t reach the pinnacle success of my marketing career by finding fault in the ways in which other business men phrased their facts and truth when extending their assistance to me. GAY MEN LIKE YOU CHRISTIAN MEAN WELL, but your efforts stifle younger men who need to learn to operate from a place of logic and not emotion. You all keep focusing on my delivery, but not one person who knows blogging can debate the truth about having a major visual and/or audio presence in order to secure major advertising sponsorship.

        2. Not once did you hear me tell Jamari or make him feel as if he should not accept your “help”… if that is what you want to call it. Truthfully, I think you’re being spiteful and petty, but that’s another conversation. After all I’m not a “seasoned” black gay male such as yourself.

          It’s HIS decision whether to accept said “help” that you’re offering, not mine. If it came across as genuine I probably would mention something to him, but I don’t believe it is a sincere or “sane” gesture, as you called it. But that’s MY opinion and thought.

          You come onto his blog and attack both him and the followers for their opinions and beliefs. Everyone has free thought and speech. If that’s something that you cannot deal with, then you can make your comment and/or leave…but you don’t have to attack like you do. It comes across as insecure and petty.

          You say everyone is focusing on the way you deliver your advice. Delivery is everything, sir. As a marketing person, you should definitely understand that. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “you can catch more flies with honey” right? If you come across as crass and rude, the response will be the same. If you come across nice and polite, you’ll get a better reaction. If you reached the pinnacle of success by being rude and crass in your delivery, I feel for the people that you’ve worked with and those under you…because I worked with people like that and nothing good came of it. Yes, people can “man up” and accept it, but only a fool would do that.

          If he chooses to go that route, that’s HIS decision to make. You may not like the site the way it is right now, but there are those who do. This is his baby, and when he is ready to make changes, he will do so.

          If you can do better, I suggest that you make a site of your own, and send us all the link to view it.

          1. I do not know you & therefore can only ASSUME that you do not work or operate professionally in upper management of any major corporation?

            There is no way possible that someone in leadership or high ranking status of any consumer agency comprehends effective communication as solely being delivered in honey suckle phrases & gentle statements.

            If you’ve ever sat in any real boardroom amongst grown men who are college educated, headstrong & constantly delivering expected results, you’d know that nothing of what you speak about is REALISTIC.

            I very well can sit here and post link after link of company websites whose campaigns i spearheaded, but then THAT truly would be petty.

            As readers and fans of InsideJamariFox, you all should clearly be able to tell how lonely, sad, depressed & unsuccessful this young man feels. MOST OF THE TIME, I read the comments that the large majority of you leave & I say nothing in response. It’s like a father watching the mother pet up their son time & time again — silently watching the son continue to hit the same brick wall because his mother is only a nurturer and not a guide. You all are nurturer’s and that’s fantastic. I am the guide. I desperately DO want to see this website grow. I get tired of reading the same articles every other day about how miserable & unhappy this young man is professionally. I SEE HIS POTENTIAL. I’ve stepped in to give Jamari the guidance that none of you ever seem to deliver in the months and months that I am silent.

            Yes, it is his decision to make the changes. However, if someone is constantly surrounded by YES MEN and other idle dwellers, they too become nothing but a mere mortal of that pedestrian existence. Nothing ever changes because no one amongst the pact pushes or directly motivates with a solid plan.

            You all give the motherly, feminine support of : “its okay. things will get better. you can do it. keep at it”. Meanwhile, we stand at the dawn of a new year and NO, things have not gotten better for him in the past few years & they never will until he starts recording himself on video or audio & posting the clips via his website + social media pages.

            That’s the most important element missing from taking this hobby from what it is to what it could and should be at this point in time.

          2. That is where you are wrong sir. It is realistic. They speak that way because it is allowed. You stop that before it starts. Even though I’m not in “upper management” I do know many executives that do not speak to their employees crassly. You must work with people who weren’t taught manners and respect while growing up. Because the ones I’ve dealt with know that in order to gain respect, you give it.
            Remember that saying you catch more flies with honey…it applies to the workplace as well. Treat your employees well, they’ll go out of their way for you.

            As far as the campaigns you’ve spearheaded, I don’t need you to toot your own horn though. Again, it goes back to delivery..and you’re being shady. Lol
            But if you must know, I have a MBA in Management, Human Resources to be exact

            Jamari isn’t surrounded by yes men, and it’s an insult to call us that.
            It’s his site, and if he’s not ready to change anything, leave it be.
            When he is ready, it should be at the time/moment of his choosing. And if you look closely in what you said, although you make a suggestion…ONCE AGAIN your delivery is shady as fuck. IJS

            My thing is this, why are you so hard up to see him on video? Is it because you want take credit for the idea? Something to add to the resume perhaps?

            If you don’t like the site/content, just don’t visit the site. That’s a simple solution if ever there was one. That, or making your own site.

  10. Everything you said was on point. I’m almost 40 and i still get depressed and lonely wondering if I’ll ever have a man again. The goal in life is to find peace and keep it. I’m thankful for my family, friends, work and most importantly God for keeping my mind sane through the crazy times. Find the thing you love and build on it and if your man comes around, runeith it but if he doesn’t, keep on living and enjoying your life. I have to remind myself this every single day. This was a great post Jamari

  11. Ok so I’ve been peeping this whole Brent discussion and man oh man. First off the delivery is wayyyy off. Let’s be real if you continuously come for someone and then offer advice the offended party simply won’t take you serious. Nothing wrong with constructive criticism but dude is scathing with the commentary. Not saying you have to sugar coat everything but it’s like people think tact died when the new millennium started. Now tbh Jamari Brent makes a point about taking the blog to the next level with more audio/visual components. Its 2018 and transparency is the name of the game. Gone are the days of “Dear Abby” style blogs. People want to see who is fonting and hear their voice. It’s all about branding. Strongly consider this going forward if you want the blog to go to the stratosphere. The foundation is solid but people need a face to associate with the blog itself.

    And another note it’s funny how some (not all) older gays think condescension and chastising is how to mentor the younger generation. It just comes off as bitter to me. Nothing wrong with bluntness, hell I prefer blunt. But there is a fine line between blunt and asshole. I always say, You can’t slap with one hand and give with another.

    1. THANK YOU for being the first one amongst the bunch to actually offer Jamari some TRUTH! I come from the days of B.Scott, Xem VanAdams, The Skorpion Show, ADTV, Alonzo Lerone & all of those fantastic brothers who changed the Internet game for us. I am only encouraging this young man to join the ranks and come from behind his computer. You are the ONLY ONE to finally say it!

      I appreciate your honesty.

      1. Like I said delivery. I don’t believe the advice is wrong but you didnt have to belittle him in the process. The world does that enough to us all. Why do it to one another?

        1. Were you around doing the periods of time when Jamari would write scathing articles that made fun of black trans women, and belittled those who walk balls? Did EVERYONE miss that? I was a silent reader and supporter of this website until I began seeing a pattern in Jamari’s habit of dehumanizing trans women and making ballroom participants read like deviants. When I attempted to appropriately correct and redirect his language, as well as his approach, he hid behind the comments of those who attacked my right & defended his wrong. That’s when I realized that he was a BIG BOY who could really handle conflict or at least was ready to enter grown man territory. Anytime you can degrade one of our own & respond in an almost, “and what?” tone, is when I felt compelled to put the verbal boxing gloves on. My interactions with Jamari began as what I offered as a teachable moment. It was he who didn’t want to own the mistake or try to correct it. I can say that he had refrained from being negative & judgmental towards our black trans women or the ballroom figures who he doesn’t even realize have been posted on this website under other pretenses. Many of you don’t even realize that 50% of these BAWDY BOYS y’all drool over, actually walk “sex siren”, “prettyboy realness”, “models body”, “schoolboy realness” & a host of other butch kween categories. Ballroom isn’t solely about VOGUE. That’s one category amongst maybe 41 different others. I tried explaining that to Jamari as well & he turned his nose up. So, as much as he would like to play victim & you all chastise me for my tone or delivery, please understand that the entire reason I ever spoke up in the comment section the FIRST TIME, was to defend our LGBT community hero’s and she-ro’s from Jamari’s very scathing remarks.

          1. ^oooooh,
            i get it.
            you’re still in your feelings over this entry in 2017:


            you don’t want me to be successful brent.
            you hate me.
            matta fact,
            you hate my guts.
            this support is not coming from a genuine place at all.
            i have NEVER disrespected the trans community or the ball community.
            from your comments,
            because you comment on damn near anything that offends you,
            this is the only time you started to go at me wild crazy.
            i went back to look at your past entries,
            because i was trying to figure out where this was all coming from,
            and saw a ton of support when you first landed in 2017…
            until i wrote about this.

            so you’re mad because i made a joke about a street walker?
            do you know her personally?

          2. LOL! out of everything that I have shared or stated, you choose ONE article amongst the several & make that your focus? I do not at all hate you young man. I love what you have going here. I used my comments the first time you berated trans women to help guide you more politically appropriately. I can tell that you have grown since these moments because you never make fun of trans women any more. I’ve stated that twice now between yesterday & today. How can I hate a young black brother who learned from his mistake & made the necessary changes? Listen, I wish you well Jamari. If you don’t want to be honest with yourself about what you need to do to improve your website and reach your dreams, so be it. Just know, many of us believe in you and are trying to help you command the rare essence of your potential.

            And I do not have to personally know a black trans woman or a talented ballroom figure in order to defend them against scrutiny & online bullying. It’s a part of my position in this world to protect my LGBT brothers & sisters.

            That’s all.

          3. If I were still “in my feelings” and felt that you had not matured or grown beyond that point in time, I would not continue to visit your blog two to three times each week.

            Have you been scarred so much in your life that you can’t honestky tell when another human being is trying to help you cross the finish line?

            Is this the approach you take internally whenever anyone doesn’t like or agree with ONE mistake you may have made? Is this why it seems in your posts that EVERYONE is out to get you? … because you interpret disagreement as “you hate my guts!” WOW!

            I love you man.

            Offer still stands. $100 from me to you if you launch a GO FUND ME to finally purchase that film and/or audio equipment👍🏾

          4. ^oh please,
            this is abuse.

            this is all the signs of an abusive person.

            “you ain’t shit,
            your website ain’t shit,
            you ain’t gonna be shit without me and what i gotta say,
            you gonna die a loser.,,

            …but i care for you and ima give you 100 dollars to support your dreams.”

            you came out the gate disrespecting tf outta me,
            but added how much you love my site to soften the punches.
            not only that,
            you disrespected my core foxhole supporters as well.
            no one deserves to be spoken to like that.
            so yeah,
            you may have had some great points,
            but imagine if it came from someone else you respected me?

            bye brent.

          5. based on the erratic ways in which you are completely exaggerating sentiments & my expressions, NOW I see for real that many of the stories you tell us are COMPLETELY overblown & melodramatic. you have a way of playing the victim very well & it’s never more evident than in the responses you are posting right now. your words read the cries of a white woman falsely accusing a black man of rape. all of this language about hate and abuse and loser this and failure that… a far reach from anything that I have expressed.

            so NOW we see firsthand how many of your stories come about. you grossly pull straws from left field to retell events in ways that they did not truly occur.

            I did not realize until now that you suffered from mental health issues, as much as you suffer from fear of change.

            I really do have to stop commenting now. Honestly. We are about to leave for dinner.

            Looking forward to a week of DIFFERENT types of articles and possibly a new year complete with visual and audio supplemental content. 😘

            I’ll sit in the corner for another six months to a year and watch you do your routine thing. KUDOS MAN!

        2. @Hugo…your response and suggestion came across more sincere than Brent’s.
          Like you said…delivery. He throws shade in his helpful” comments, and that’s wrong.

  12. Wow 😮 this Brent Christopher character has certainly stirred things up around here lol…

    But anywayz, I’m the type of person who likes to take out of the “meat” of any message and toss away the bones. Meaning, you take the constructive criticism (no matter how seemingly shady) and keep it moving. I’m not fully versed on the history between Brent and Jamari so I won’t invest any more energy into that matter.

    As for the foxmail, it’s something all of us can possibly relate to. We are few in numbers in almost every heterosexual space we enter which increases the isolation and loneliness. And then we return home to our computers and Ipads only to see these “perfect” lifestyles of Instagram Bodies and power gay couples which only increases the feelings of inadequacy. I don’t have the solutions to these issues we face but I wanted to at least recognize that they do in fact exist.

    Stay strong kids 😗

  13. JESUS be some psych meds all through this thread.

    All this fake caring, when pineapples just really want to see what Jamari looks like.

    Obey that thirst.

    On to the topic at hand….

    So many of us wouldn’t be so lonely if we were kinder to each other, genuinely opened up ourselves to possible friendships not based on status or the prospect of sex, and nurtured those friendships instead of dropping everyone every time you get a new dick🤷🏾‍♂️

  14. Man, can I relate. I am 54 yrs old and I have had one ltr in my life. That is if you count 11months an ltr. I can count on one and a have fingers how many one nighters/casual/just ducks I have had because I was a polly-anna or thought I was. It sucks but you get to a point if it happens it happens. Especially at my age.

  15. I hope you read this JF as i’ve Thought about this on/off ever since you posted. I’ve had several long term relationships that have improved with each new person. It’s taken therapy and group therapy and sometimes is still work but so worth it.
    My experience which may speak to you is that i think two people or two strong independent brands can have a partnership. I dont’ think they should merge 100% as they still need to have their own friends, activities, values, etc. if the two brands have a strong core values and goals that overlap somewhat then they are ready to be in a relationship. It can work when a stronger brand, helps a less strong brand but that complicates a complicated situation. My advice would be to build/be a strong brand and if you are looking, then look for a strong brand to partner with as they do exist. I’m using the word brand as a way to open, change your perspective in a small way

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

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