i use to say that i wouldn’t wish being black and gay on anyone.
you gotta be strong to endure the shit most of us deal with.
this can be a very lonely and abusive life to live.
lil nas x admitted that he use to try and pray his gay away.
this is what he said in a clip from “cbs this morning” with gayle king…
i feel him so heavy.
i wasn’t that bad,
but i did try to suppress my “gay” to fit in within my forests.
after i started being comfortable with myself,
i just wanted to feel love from another male.
sleeping around wasn’t “me” and i never felt comfortable doing it.
my depression often comes from some parts of my sexuality.
the pain of feeling like i don’t fit in anywhere and i’m not loved like others.
i can go as far as to say no one wanting me and feelings of ugliness.
i was reading an article from lizzo the other day and it struck such a cord with me.
she said in “the sun“:
“I felt like an ‘other’ for a very long time. Nobody liked me, and I just remember feeling so unwanted and unchosen. I remember at one time feeling like I was asexual because no one loved me. I was confused about myself and my identity for a long, long time.”
i can’t express how much i felt that in the deepest parts within my spirit.
i relate with that 200%.
many gays can relate with being in this world,
with all these gorgeous males,
and it feels like no one is looking at you.
even the fellow gays treat you like an outcast.
you get these feelings that one might be interested so you speak,
but it often goes nowhere and it leaves you feeling very alone.
This is how I’ve felt all my life
i don’t think i’ll get the answers i’ve been looking for until i’m dead.
Let someone know you SEE them
don’t let us feel like we don’t mean anything to anyone.
lowkey: i legit wrote this in tears.
i needed to cry and this was what did it.
this has been a tough week for me.
article cc: the sun