Posted in A LIL TASTE OF JAMARI

THE WAY HOW I LOVE.

   Published Date: November 16, 2011  21 Comments on THE WAY HOW I LOVE.

I took some time to read your comments under my “HURTS LIKE HELL” entry…

…and I found a lot of strength under there.
I want to thank you all for leaving your kind words in helping me not lose my mind that day.
I also saw some testimonies that made me want to write this entry today.

Let’s get a little personal…

No animations in this entry.
Just Jamari Fox – stripped.

My life has not been so easy these last few years.
It if ain’t one thing, it’s another.
When I think I am making strides in one direction, something comes and knocks me off.
I always feel like I am being tested, but I keep wondering why?

Life use to be fine, once upon a time.
I grew up with good parents who instilled good values into my life.
They wanted me to have the best life possible and spoiled me since I was the only child.
I was a pretty sheltered shy withdrawn kid who pretty much got what he wanted.
At times, I will admit I was a brat and I was pretty rebellious but I was never ungrateful.
Like I said, things were great until my parents passed away a year after each other….

2002.

Having to switch from sheltered to street savvy was not an easy job.
I went through a ton of bumps in the road during those early years.
You start to learn yourself and see exactly who you are during tough times.
Funny enough, I never tackled my insecurities before because you think your family would be there to bail you out.
I would go through life not accepting I liked dudes as well as not realizing I was attractive.
I also felt like I was not good enough and not worth living.

Going through the battlefield,
I thought I met people who would be down for me,
but they ended up using me and throwing me to the side.
Even my parent’s “friends”… OH I saw their true sides after they died.
Seems like they were jealous of my parents and waited for their downfall to show their asses.

I would spend my days always looking for someone.
I always wanted that “family” to replace what left me.
I even wanted a man to make me feel like I was something, anything.
I would always meet the wrong guys walking in this path.
I eventually built a wall up during all those times because I didn’t want to be hurt again.
Nothing hurts worst than to feel betrayed by people you think are your friends.
So I dropped 95% of the people around me and started over from scratch.

I am pretty much alone out here in these streets.
I have been fending for myself since 2002.
With my hardships, I learned that I will NOT settle for less.
As low as I may get, I will NOT be “that guy”.
I would see people with so much more settling and I knew I wanted a better life for myself.
This is why I look at things in different glasses than most.
I have been through a lot and I did not want to be “the example”.
I had to teach myself so many things my parents never taught me.
I am grateful for those lessons I failed miserably back then.

This is what I want for you.
This is why Foxes, Wolves, and “The Foxhole” was created.
All my readers who struggle and suffer.
All of my readers who want a better life for themselves.
Even if you don’t know it, but I consider each of you my family.
Everyone who reads and comments inspire me everyday.

So again, thank you for sharing your stories.
And thank you for reading mine.

Love ya.

😉

21 thoughts on “THE WAY HOW I LOVE.”

  1. Wow Jamari I always wondered how you touch on things that are so close to a situation Im actually going through, and now I see on some type of subconscious level I may connect with you as I too have lost both of my parents and its a feeling that I cant describe having to navigate in a world without their guidance and support; I have experience some of the same things you talked about with friends, family members and of course men, and if you never shared your background I would have never known, but somehow these post and your thoughts touch something in me on a another level I cant explain. Its funny I dont know you or never met you but feel some type of connection through your thoughts. In the circle of life all the bad you went through actually help you to be a good for others you never met, you have been chosen to inspire, help and support others, so remember that when you have those human moments of self-doubt, you have a charge to keep, because my friend believe it or not their are many who depend on you to make it through another day.

  2. Awwww *HUGS tight & KISSES softly*
    You’re transparency made me melt
    But you’re strength is awe-inspiring
    Jamari is one hell of a guy 😉

    1. thank you babe.
      I wanted to share a little deep into why i do what i do.
      and i was so grateful everyone in that comment section shared their stories with me.
      very powerful words.

  6. SO MUCH LOVE AND INSPIRATION… even though I’m that one socially awkward kid that just chimes in every now and then. Its always pissed me off of really kind and good people have no one, yet the cunts of the world have thousands of peopple worshipping them. Soon youll meet some real chill as ppl, just wait.

  8. Yeah Moderator you give me a really big inspiration every fucking day!!! See what I mean I have a big inspiration now!!!! LOL

  9. Reading this made me realize how self-centered I can be walking around thinking my problems are unique to me and so much bigger than the next person’s.

    In any event, this post seems like it should end with a hug, but since I don’t do those, I’ll church hug the cute posters and hit the ugly ones with a firm handshake. lol

  11. We see people everyday smiling, laughing and seemingly having a good time but never know what it is that their going through or been through. The fact that you shared this with us means so much but I’m sure many of us can relate and apply this to our lives.

    Many hugs and kisses Jay! Mad love for you bro!

  12. Awwwww Jamari *hugs tight* I have much love for you and the people in this foxhole. I like how we bring our different perspectives together to discuss different matters in our community. But YBW said it best you are never alone and will never be alone as you have us. We may not be in the concrete jungle but we support you and love you none the less. I glad I found the website, I don’t remember how but I’m glad I found all of you. *nerd smile*

  14. Yeah, although I rarely post, I’ve been reading this blog for a long time and it’s always given me inspiration to read that someone else is going through struggles that I am currently going through or have gone through in the past. Like the other poster said, we got your back.

    Also, I want to encourage you to keep that attitude to never settle, but to not let what may look like settling stop you from meeting a good man. Hopefully that makes sense lol

  15. We love you too. At the risk of sounding schmaltzy, you’re never alone & you do have people in your corner…and not just cuz you have a nice azz *looks at it again* lol

    And you’ll meet some more cats in the Concrete Jungle that will have your back – it doens’t take a lot, I had one or two…and that’s all I needed really.

    Next time I come up, I’ll take you out to lunch or dinner 😉

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