I took some time to read your comments under my “HURTS LIKE HELL” entry…
…and I found a lot of strength under there.
I want to thank you all for leaving your kind words in helping me not lose my mind that day.
I also saw some testimonies that made me want to write this entry today.
Let’s get a little personal…
No animations in this entry.
Just Jamari Fox – stripped.
My life has not been so easy these last few years.
It if ain’t one thing, it’s another.
When I think I am making strides in one direction, something comes and knocks me off.
I always feel like I am being tested, but I keep wondering why?
Life use to be fine, once upon a time.
I grew up with good parents who instilled good values into my life.
They wanted me to have the best life possible and spoiled me since I was the only child.
I was a pretty sheltered shy withdrawn kid who pretty much got what he wanted.
At times, I will admit I was a brat and I was pretty rebellious but I was never ungrateful.
Like I said, things were great until my parents passed away a year after each other….
Having to switch from sheltered to street savvy was not an easy job.
I went through a ton of bumps in the road during those early years.
You start to learn yourself and see exactly who you are during tough times.
Funny enough, I never tackled my insecurities before because you think your family would be there to bail you out.
I would go through life not accepting I liked dudes as well as not realizing I was attractive.
I also felt like I was not good enough and not worth living.
Going through the battlefield,
I thought I met people who would be down for me,
but they ended up using me and throwing me to the side.
Even my parent’s “friends”… OH I saw their true sides after they died.
Seems like they were jealous of my parents and waited for their downfall to show their asses.
I would spend my days always looking for someone.
I always wanted that “family” to replace what left me.
I even wanted a man to make me feel like I was something, anything.
I would always meet the wrong guys walking in this path.
I eventually built a wall up during all those times because I didn’t want to be hurt again.
Nothing hurts worst than to feel betrayed by people you think are your friends.
So I dropped 95% of the people around me and started over from scratch.
I am pretty much alone out here in these streets.
I have been fending for myself since 2002.
With my hardships, I learned that I will NOT settle for less.
As low as I may get, I will NOT be “that guy”.
I would see people with so much more settling and I knew I wanted a better life for myself.
This is why I look at things in different glasses than most.
I have been through a lot and I did not want to be “the example”.
I had to teach myself so many things my parents never taught me.
I am grateful for those lessons I failed miserably back then.
This is what I want for you.
This is why Foxes, Wolves, and “The Foxhole” was created.
All my readers who struggle and suffer.
All of my readers who want a better life for themselves.
Even if you don’t know it, but I consider each of you my family.
Everyone who reads and comments inspire me everyday.
So again, thank you for sharing your stories.
And thank you for reading mine.