you ever just look in your contact list
and realized half the people don’t really know you?
i mean like 4real 4real…
you may know a lot of people,
but you only have a few that actually know you.
know the inner workings of you.
the things that make you hurt.
cry.
feel sensitive.
we all have that person(s).
someone we can run to so we don’t feel judged.
someone who we strip naked with and just look at bare as possible.
i miss mine…

i had an issue tonight.
not something i wanted to confide with everyone with.
maybe i should have trained some “backups”.
i know em,
but the problem is,
i don’t trust em.
they get sparkly fox.
i wanted to talk to someone who “knows” me,
ya know?
i’d say i’m an expert in what to share with certain people.
you tell one person something and by tomorrow,
the entire city knows your business.
ive learned the mistakes from my past.
even naive people who go talking to everyone with an ear.

“you can call me to talk.”
“just hit me up if you need to vent.”
“i’m there. just call me.”

really?
is it because of the situation or because you genuinely care?
back before the situation i barely heard from you.
i only saw you at parties and events.
i don’t even know your parent’s names.
what you been through.
your life story.
suddenly you want to know mine?
when you lose someone who knows you and knows exactly what to say…
i don’t think people get that.
some of ya’ll only keep friends for 2 days/weeks/months.
yeah.
you.
i feel like i have no one to turn to that i trust anymore.
i feel i have no one who “gets” me.
they see me and think i have no worries.
i come off strong at all times.
i don’t know who to let my guard down too anymore.
it sucks…