i didn’t move here for this.

when i was told to come here to escape my last situation,
i didn’t think i was jumping from a frying pan to a pressure cooker.
i feel like everything i was told was a lie,
along with truly not knowing someone i’ve known since the late 2010s.
i didn’t move here to deal with all of this craziness.
it has really been taking a toll on me tbh.
last week,
after that 17 dollar incident,
there was a bigger blow up that has made me even more uncomfortable…

so i was taking my space because of what was said to me in messages.
they fonted some really fucked up shit to me,
along with the threat to kick me out.
so instead of going straight home after i got off work,
i decided to tell the folks i met when i moved here everything that was happening.

that was not the right move.

i was told in a message if i didn’t come home by the time they got out the shower:

they were gonna lock me out and throw my shit out.

so i left where i was,
and came in,
and it was a legit shit show.

threw their phone
broke their belongings
crying
shaking
going off incoherently

mind you,
this was done because they spitefully took they key and i had no way of getting in without them.
admitted that they did it because “i didn’t talk to them” btw.
my friend told me to make sure that i voice recorded the whole thing because:

“you don’t know what could be said or done so protect yourself.”

…and after that blow up that made no sense at all,
they got calm and wanted to watch a show together.

what in the a24 and jordan peele production am i in right now?

i will font that everyone i sent the recording to,
because i needed to know if i was wrong or also crazy,
they all have the same question:

“is this person bipolar?”

…and then it dawned on me this reminds me of my sister.
my sister was diagnosed with BPD and that is why we fell out.
i don’t want to diagnose them but something is off.

lowkey: i had no energy for The Foxhole these last few days.
i have been so drained mentally and emotionally,
plus it has been really busy at work.
i don’t know how i’ve even been holding on but i’m still showing up.
i’m praying for a miracle that i can leave here to go to a better space of my own.
i can’t do this anymore because i feel like i’m walking on eggshells in here.