This was a tough week for me.
Lord KNOWS I was going through the washing machine called “The Struggle“.
But, even though I went through all the bullshit,
I still remained calm, cool, and Fox-like and just gave it all to the man above.
Therefore, making me see my blessings rather than my struggles.
Does this mean I am on my way to being in a better place?
I use to worry a lot.
I came from a family of worry-warts so what could I expect?
They would worry from sun up to sun down.
Looking back, I asked myself how did they even get pass the thoughts in their minds to just live.
It was ultimately passed down to me like a crown to a prince.
Even though I was pretty rebellious in my own right, I kept mine bottled up and suffered from days of endless depression.
That depression would lead to me complain to anyone with an eardrum and 2 hours.
What if, Why, and What would happen…
Those were usually the starting sentences in my head.
Then it would sometimes find a way to slip out my mouth.
I’m telling you Wolves and Foxes, it was like hell on Earth.
Worrying what people would think.
Worrying about what my family would think.
Worrying about what God would think.
…but never worrying about me.
I recently started to change my thought process.
I decided to cast out anything that was negative and only dwell on the positive.
I stopped listening to people who would complain.
I even stopped listening to my own complaints.
I just put everything in a big FED-EX box and shipped that bitch off to God.
My new mantra, if you will, these days is:
Even though Evelyn said it in “blatant whore” terms, I had state in my own life:
ALL THIS SHIT IS UNIMPORTANT!
YOUR BULLSHIT IS UNIMPORTANT!
WHAT YOU MAY THINK OF ME IS UNIMPORTANT!
and turned it too:
MY LIFE IS IMPORTANT!
MY BLESSINGS ARE IMPORTANT!
MY SANITY IS IMPORTANT!
MY OPINION IS IMPORTANT!
MY LOVE IS IMPORTANT!
MY SEX IS IMPORTANT!
“FUCK YOU” IS IMPORTANT!
JAMARI IS IMPORTANT!
I noticed a change in me when I started professing that.
I noticed I feel free and more comfortable in my own skin.
I feel like that monkey on my back was shot in point blank range and that weight is lifted.
I know I will have bad days but the good ones outnumber the bad ones.
I know that I am blessed and I even see little blessings here and there.
I feel happy and in control.
So now I ask YOU…
Where are YOU right now?
What are YOU feeling?
What is going through YOUR mind?
Do YOU need to make a change?
I mean, really think about YOU…
Because I KNOW you are tired of feeling like this.
I know I am.
Later
Wow I’ve never found a blog I could relate to, give a damn about, read daily (and not just the Meat entries ;), and actually post a comment… But just wanted to let you know Jamari keep doing what you do coz us Foxes need it…
It’s not just the thoughts and stories either, I actually like how you write as well. Love the style, the metaphors, etc.
ANYWAY, back on topic… I worry a whole lot too and I have a lot of negative thoughts. I guess I just want to be cautious and careful. So I dwell on those thoughts. But you’re right, they only depress me. Gotta dwell on the positive thoughts !
well thank you mw.
i appreciate the kind words.
once you let go of the -,
focus on the +,
you will hear those knocks that you otherwise never paid attention too.
trust me when i say that we fail to see alot of good when we focus on the bad.
I come from a family of the same and I still worry a lot. But it was never about what others would think because one thing we always had from our parents was originality. We were never and arent til this day, afraid to go out there and be different and strike our own match in this world.
And On Evelyn, That bitch! Shame on her disrespectful REGULAR HO ass! Those damn REGULARS have no respect! Thats why her man didnt marry her! He knew that she indeed was trying to disguise herself as ultimate and was really a REGULAR HO! The most basic ho available on the market! COMMON ASS SCRUMPETTE!