Work Wolf Is Uncomfortable (Or Not?)


so work wolf and i had another argument.
i’m the one who is finally in control of my feelings tho.
i’m about ready to chuck him the peace signs…

so remember that incident at my spot?
( x this one )
well he admitted that he felt some kind of way today…

he sorta did.
earlier today,
he said he forgot all about it,
but it made him feel a little weird.

so i apologized and told him that wasn’t my intentions.
okay cool…
so during the “argument” tonight,
he brought this up about my lack of “common sense”:

“i don’t want to bring up the gay issue,
but ima bring this up.
you know that i’m straight,
so okay…
you had your arms all on my shoulders.
why would you do something like that?”

i wanted to say i had them all in your head too.
so basically he admitted he was mad about it.
well wait…
when i started to say my peace about it,
then he said he wasn’t mad.
i should have “known better”.
so i asked him why he didn’t say anything last week?
he said he “shouldn’t have brought it up tonight”.
i said i won’t invite him over my crib again.
why would i invite someone over,
who clearly didn’t want to do something,
but did it anyway?
he gets an attitude.
i can’t.
first you tell me you weren’t mad,
then you say you felt a certain way,
then you said you were mad,
and you finally say you weren’t mad and you don’t want to talk about it.
finally he says:

“i wasn’t going to disrespect you in your own crib by saying something.”

oh hell naw pineapple.

he is too “all over the place” for me.
 it makes me wonder if i’ve done things that made him uncomfortable?
i always ask him,
or throw up a disclaimer,
if i can do something or even touch him.
he always says:

“yeah go ahead”

…but now i gotta wonder if those were all lies?
was he just tolerating me?
was this all some kind of game?

i walked away from him because i was too vex.
he is mad at that.
silent treatment on deck.
well i’m mad you are so unsure of yourself.
i’m mad you might be a liar.

Do i really need that in my life?

i seriously don’t.
he may have to go.

lowkey: see why i took it slow and was cautious?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

48 thoughts on “Work Wolf Is Uncomfortable (Or Not?)”

  1. It may be time to let this guy go. If he’s gonna be that petty and uncomfortable around you, then what’s the point? 2016 is days away, find you man that u can come home to that would LOVE to get a headrub/massage with no complaints.

    1. ^yeah tonight showed me how he gotta go.
      i can’t have this back and forth,
      up and down,
      maybe and maybe not.
      i can’t trust him.
      i don’t know what i can and can’t do anymore.

    2. Good advice Patty i just don’t understand why J keep hoping he’ll be in a Relationship with Work wolf while there’s so manyhot men IN New York i just can’t believe that.
      J you need to go out, to the gym or anywhere you’ll find yourself a hot man that’s the only way for you to get rid of Work Wolf trust me.

  2. This is stupid and you deserve it if u put up with it. I come to this site every now and then to get the gay gossip and pornish type things, but the way you portray gay men is in two different lights , its like the gay queen and then a macho hood dude or a wolf i guess. it creates a culture of better than and less than, and if you stick with this a-hole you are less than. Move the fuck on and find a man who is secure with him self. this DL , NO homo ETC is so 90’s . I live in NYC im hood and gay and keep it real, you can have it all , just start choosing to go after it.

  3. Yeah, I’d just stay neutral with this guy. Time to kill them feelings lol. He wants everything on his terms and his terms only. This would be “it” for me. We could still be friends, but the cutesy shit ends here! NEXT! LOL! At least, that would be my reaction! Enough is enough!

      1. That moment when you’re “good with or without him” is/will be liberating for you. Trust!

        As long as you feel that you’re ready to let that go, then it’s time to move on. Keep it cordial and mature, but still moving on. It will feel good

  4. I am in agreement, think its time to charge this one to the game. I was a major supporter of keeping him around and thinking something would come out of the situation but he is giving me Angela Bassett, waiting to exhale, i need a cold shower cuz im confused but macho tease and its irking me and i am not even in the situation with him. Think your gut is right and letting this one go, no friendzone, just complete and total cold turkey, as a sidebar what happened to him getting the new gig i assume that didnt shake out like he thought?

      1. That doesnt shock me, guess they saw something too that wasn’t inline with what they wanted and i am glad that your not as upset as you would be previously, that growth you did the past month or so has done you major justice

  5. Ugh someone needs to make up their mind. If it’s not one thing it’s another.

    It sounds like to me he had no problem when it happened but maybe when you apologized that same night he went home and thought about it in detail, which in turn made him hold up the mirror and question himself. (Cuz let’s be honest he does some questionable sided eye things that most straight guys don’t do) so to feel better about himself and these questioning feelings he has to attack you because its brewing up all of these emotions inside.

    I know I kinda went on the deep end with that, but it’s the only thing that adds up to me. Idk

    As you said in your last post It’s The End, a new year is coming that’s no point in hanging on to old behaviors or patterns. It’s not like you grabbed his dick and offer to suck it, he’s needs to chill or if something you do makes him uncomfortable tell you right then and there so there are no mixed signals.

    P.S. And correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t this whole friendship start by him accidentally rubbing his crouch on you to get by, pineapple please. 😤

    1. ^this whole friendship has been one “side eye moment” to the next.
      i blame myself as well tho.
      i should have just kept it the way it was.
      i got wrapped up in the bs.
      we had good times,
      but i don’t need the other dark side to this friendship.

  6. As your twin, J I’m gonna tell you like it is.
    Prepare yourself
    Are you ready?
    You sure?

    LET THAT BITCH GO!!!!! It time because that pineapple is confused, childish, a whore and petty af and you’re too grown for that shit. I don’t know him, but I’m sick of him already. I thought he was going to be cool and interesting, but deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work because comfortable gay guys don’t work well with str8/naive gays guys (personal experiences that why). I’m hoping and praying for that other wolf with the free clothes.I want you to be with him tbh. Please make it work.

    1. ^thanks lin.
      im accepting that this has to end.
      i can’t play these silly games anymore.
      i almost feel like maybe we weren’t even friends.
      maybe he was just using me and disguised it as friendship.
      i don’t know.

      1. I can’t speak on that part about his true intention on whether he was friend or not because I don’t know and it not my place. But what I do know is that as a friend it all about being comfortable with one another, kiki-ing and just having a good time with some minor arguments here n there that can easily be brush off and later laugh about. I don’t like how he’s making you mad all the time and constantly bickering with you. It’s ridiculous.

  7. You see, he wasn’t “uncomfortable” when you were picking out his clothes and dressing him. He wasn’t “uncomfortable” when you were oiling his scalp or eating the dinner you prepared at your house, alone.

    Those are situations heterosexual men don’t typically put themselves in with homosexual men. I use to think maybe he’s curious, but I’ve come to the conclusion he just likes to use people.

    I honestly would’ve been done when he tried to put me on front street at work to other people to make himself look better.

    Despite the nice gestures (i.e. gifts and free meals and drinks), people will show who they are the entire time, especially when the friendship/relationship hits a rough patch.

    I honestly don’t know if you’ll truly have him out of your system in 2016, but I do know once you decide you’re done, it’ll be done.

    1. Facts!!! ^^^^
      It seems like it’s all good in the hood when he gets something out the deal. You need to distance yourself from him. The stress isn’t worth it.

  8. My whole thing with straight guys is that they tend commit these slight micro-aggressions against their gay friends that they’re cool with, and never bring up that it was a problem until you seem to “forget your place.” Honestly, I would’ve stopped fuckin’ with mans a hot minute ago. I don’t see how you do it, Jamari. Why even let this nigga near you when he disrespects you like that? Straight, especially the alpha types, always view gay dudes as inferior people because they are gay.

    I apologize for ranting, but Work Wolf needs to back the fuck up and find himself. He isn’t worthy of your time and all of the effort and thought you put into the friendship. That whole not wanting to disrespect you in your own house was a cop-out, and I bet he hesitated before he said it.

    He doesn’t know what he wants; he doesn’t know what’s good for him; Until he finds himself, he can’t respect you like he should. YOU DESERVE…




  9. Jamari, what ever happened with that new wolf you met at work a little while back? He sounded cool, sexy, and potentially more open with his sexuality. I don’t want to devalue work wolf’s presence in your life but, like the saying goes some people are in your life for a season, a reason, and a lifetime. He’s giving me more of a season or a reason vibe. Besides you’re young, live in a great city, and from your posts I get the vibe you’re in a reasonably gay friendly profession. You’ve got a lot of things going for you and I look forward to seeing you take advantage of them. I know myself and the rest of the foxhole will be along for the ride.

  10. First of all, he is too many things and second of all he is too many things and third…what the fuck?!?!
    Ask yourself one question; if you were not gay would there be this much drama?!?! NO he likes you as a person and enjoys your company…you have things in common but a he wishes you were straight and that’s where the struggle lies. He is not mature enough to handle someone like you.


  11. I have two views on this.

    I think some of you guys are confusing him being comfortable with him being sexually interested, the lines between the two may be thin, but well defined differences exists between the two. Work Wolf is straight, and he has been since Jamari has been talking about him. From what Jamari has told us, Work Wolf seems to have a difficult time making genuine friends, which is something he believes he has with Jamari. I think men in this lifestyle are so accustomed to straight men not being comfortable around gay men that they read too deeply in any man who is an exception. There are some of you out here who take simple acts of kindness as interest, and I have repeatedly watched situations like this unfold. Work Wolf is not down-low, confused, homophobic or anything else you all want to label him. He is a man who is simply adjusting to having a gay friend for the first time.

    However, I have to point out what Jay said. He possibly could be using you as well. The gifts and the free lunches may be a way to keep you around in the long term. It is strange that he allowed you to rub his scalp, but as soon as it appeared it was going in sexual direction, he became uncomfortable. At this point, you have to decide whether you want this man in your life bro.

    1. 👏👏👏 The Man has it covered.

      To throw in my two cents, I think this should be a confirmation that Work Wolf is straight. Try losing the feelings, if you can’t do that it may be time to move on. No more special Jamari treatment for him. 😉

    2. I don’t think he’s confused about his sexuality either.

      He seems to be willing to blur the line between what an average heterosexual man would do with a homosexual friend when he gets something out of the deal.

      Jamari was upgrading him and his dry scalp, non dressing self. Lol

      I agree wholeheartedly about some gay men taking acts of kindness as a sign to push boundaries.

  12. Hey Jamari I’m with everyone else you already know it’s work wolf time to hit the bricks. You have put up with way too much from him and you deserve way better than that. Also the way he is acting like today kind of makes me a little nervous. Confused men like him kind of scare me I don’t know what’s on their mind to prove their straight. Ex: The L.A. Complex when Kal beats Tariq in the studio when his friends see them kiss. I know you’ll not in that type of relationship but you get my point, I might be over thinking but just be cautious around him for now on.

    1. LMAO, OMG I love that song, I have not heard it in a minute either, I remember playing this for a dude back in the day, I am going to go listen to it tonight 🙂

  13. Its time to leave this one in 2015, as someone with a few str8 friends, I can pretty much tell you about the only way you will maintain a friendship with a str8 dude is if you are str8 acting especially in public and like sports, working out etc. I think it is probably true what someone said, str8 men are going to automatically think they are better than you because they been condition to believe that, and sadly many of us have been condition to accept it especially how society views gay men, especially gay Black men.

    This back and forth is doing nothing but causing extra stress and admittedly it is hard to keep someone in the friend zone when we have an attraction for them. I recently had to let a dude who I only wanted to be friends with go, he was attracted to me and I was not to him and he became upset when I talk to other guys or hung out with other dudes just on a friend level, it was very awkward, he was a good person but it was unhealthy and made me uncomfortable when we hung out and he would kept saying things like I know you just my friend, but you are perfect for me etc. Sometimes we have to see the big picture.

    Work Wolf, treats vixens badly and has another side that is petty, moody, dark and toxic. I hope you are able to get out of that place and start anew for 2016 and leave all the contaminated baggage behind. They will definitely miss you.

  14. Although he started it, your both being dramatic. Congrats, the honeymoon faze is over and now you guys will be getting on each others nerves. He made a big deal out of it because he’s not comfortable/unsure with your relationship, it’s weird to him that he can be so cool with someone who’s gay. This is all new to him and it is very frustrating. You of all people should know this. I can tell you from personal experience, it’s aggravating when you want to be one way but your feelings/emotions won’t follow.

  15. I didn’t read the comments, because I have too much to say, so please excuse me, Jamari, if I repeat what others have said. But I’m going to have to let Work Wolf have it.

    1) He’s an emotional abuser. He knows you’re gay and he knows you like him. I’ve read enough entries to know that he knows you want him in some way, so when he plays with your emotions, it’s a form of abuse.

    2) He’s unstable. He wants you to be there for him, on his terms, but he also has the power to render your good deeds somehow malicious or sinister? That’s inappropriate, and you shouldn’t tolerate it.

    3) He wants you as his “bitch” but hate that you won’t submit. I know this might sound harsh, but he’s playing “whose dick is bigger” games with you and I think he gets a kick out of knowing he gets under your skin and vice versa.

    4) You are so much better than this, Jamari. I don’t know you, but from our e-mail exchanges, I promise you that I think you’re a pretty cool guy. Don’t allow him to do this to you.

    5) This is building up to get nasty, really really fast. I say cut him off once and for all. Let the vixens put up with his b.s.

    1. Pierre seems to have made some valid points. However, I will just add one more. If he is confused like some people say and he really does like you, chances are if you cut him off it will give him some time to get introspective and evaluate his role in this “relationship”, and if he likes you enough, he may come back with a better handle on his feelings. If he doesn’t and he is a user and abuser, he will move on. Either way, cutting him off seems like the only reasonable solution.

  16. This guy should have been left on the curb AGES ago! But the followers of this page been encouraging you to keep him lol! I won’t lie I was all for it in the beginning stages but when you started posting all of those blogs about him disrespecting you, talking about you to other coworkers, ignoring you all week, not answering your texts, getting angry at you for petty things etc, I just saw red flag from there on. You seem like a person who has a lot of patience to deal with all of this because honestly judging from all of your posts this dude just seems like a headache. “Curious” or not he comes across as a burden. He always got you in your feelings. Do you honestly believe that he spends a lot of days being upset about you? I’m not saying he doesn’t because he obviously thinks about you to an extent since he texts you and stuff but it just seems like you invest too much of your emotions on a guy who isn’t even your man. I’m not even going to say “let him go” because that has been said over 100 times on this site but he always finds another way back in your life somehow so I’ma just say “do you” since you make your own choices anyway (as you should).

  17. Much love, Jamari- You need to take your power back by accepting responsibility for this situation. You can never change or even impact how somebody else behaves. You can control only your own actions, reactions . This dude hasn’t lied to you. From the beginning, he told you that he likes pussy and that he uses people for sex and other things until he is bored and moves on to use someone else. The dishonesty has been yours. You have been lying to him and worse, to yourself. You have been pretending this was a friendship when, all along, you wanted more. His motives and actions don’t matter. Yours do. Why are you chasing after someone who doesn’t want you? Why are you refusing to see who he is despite his showing you repeatedly? Why are you attracted to the dudes least likely to love you back? These are the questions you need to answer for yourself if 2016 is to be the year of Jamari, as I hope it will be.

  18. I’m sooooooo in the same situation Jamari…lol. In all honesty I want me and my work wolf to kiss passionately and fuck hard….just once. For some reason, I believe if we do that, I would be able to let him go and not tolerate all the bullshit he puts me thru dam near daily. Betcha if you and your work wolf did that both of you would probably be able to move on….just sayin.

  19. Glad you’re back online first!
    I have been wondering if you’re ever gonna figure out that you’re putting up with shit thats not your shit. Its that simple. He is very confuse and you’re gonna find yourself December 22, 2016 still trying to deal with his antics. Don’t let this guy block your blessings. A new year and new possiblilites begin on 1/1/16. Dude start yours a few days earlier.

  20. Let him go but don’t beat yourself over it. This happens to straight men a lot when they misinterpret signals a women gives off. You’re attracted to men so you’re more sensitive to curtains signs of affection that a straight men would overlook.

    I remember in college catching a football player checking out my ass. I few months later I approached him he was mad cool then word got out that I made a pass at a dude at a club. Well football player wanted nothing to do with me.

    My point is even if he appears to have an interest he doesn’t want to act on it with you, you can’t force it just let it go.

  21. So when are you going to take action. You’ve been complaining about this back and forth relationship for a while and the cycle just repeat. It bothers me because you seem coo and level headed and very smart and idk I just expected you to know what kind of friendship you deserve I’m pretty sure at times he was a great friend or at least felt like one but its the little situations like these where you pay attention real friends always keep it real and don’t play mind games. Whether your over thinking things or not you just Need to sit and analyze your friendship and ask is his presence worth all these conflicted feelings

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!

%d bloggers like this: