last week when all shit was hitting the fan,
i swore up and down,
i was going to come back and blog about the drama.
i was going talk explicitly about how depressed i was.
well now that the storm has passed,
lets talk about:
its gonna be pretty long so get comfy…
so as you know,
the foxhole was down the last few days.
i got messages on everything about it.
i was in all my feelz because i had no answers.
i currently have 140 messages in my mailbox.
i have never felt so depressed than when i looked at my site and saw:
it was like looking at my child,
drugged up in a crack house,
wearing a dirty mu mu,
and them being actually okay with it.
there was nothing i could do.
the foxhole fate lay in my hosting company.
a company i pay a lot of money to keep my dream alive.
i called them and spoke to a semi-understanding animal.
i tried not to tear into his ass,
but as you know,
i have no filter.
i must say tho that i did it quite eloquently.
as you can see,
the foxhole is on,
but i had to wonder…
For how long?
i missed so much that i feel like this is a complete start over.
it is a good thing tho.
i had to speak on a lot,
and in that impromptu “break”,
it allowed me to get my thoughts together.
one of the newer wolves in my department up and quit wednesday.
he wasn’t happy at all.
it threw us all back with the deadlines we had.
aside from that,
they fucked up my paycheck and i didn’t get paid.
someone didn’t bring my time sheet to hr.
my boss told me i wouldn’t be getting paid until next week.again: i had to eloquently tear into the tail of my boss.
i had to remind him in a professional way:
who i am
the hard work i do
i don’t complain when they give me rabbit shit and not chocolate
lets just say they deposited half my money into my account that afternoon.
i never felt as confident as i did speaking to my boss.
i like that side of me.
more of him please.
work wolf came over my crib thursday.
he wanted to chill.
even though i was stressed,
i was down for it.
he bought food and i cooked it.
he loved my cooking.
he ate seconds and thirds.
he said something about “getting married” as joke.
or i should be married.
we played video games for a while,
i told him that his hair was really dry.
he said he washes it every day.
black fo’ks ain’t suppose to wash their hair everyday.
he said he likes how shiny and jet black my hair is.
i told him put some coconut oil and other mixtures in his.
“can you do it for me now?”
when i got back from my room,
he was sitting on the floor.
he took his shirt off and only had his wife beater on.
his upper bawdy.
i asked him if he wanted to sit in a chair.
i sat directly behind him and put my legs to his sides.
i rubbed the oils in his head and gave him a head massage.
i didn’t have to do a head massage,
but i wanted to test my skills on his head.
you could tell he liked it.
he literally gave his head to me.
he damn near fell asleep.
this is where the problem happened tho.
after i was done,
he was still sitting between my legs.
i was showing him something from a magazine he was looking at.
so i put my arms on his shoulders and leaned down on him from behind.
i started pointing at something on one of the pages.
why are you hugging me?”
i’m not hugging you…”
i leaned back and went about as normal.
as he was leaving,
i apologized if i made him feel any kind of way.
“nah i don’t.”
“why would you do something,
if you had to apologize,
if you thought it made me uncomfortable?”
…i thought it was the right thing to do?
i’m a little embarrassed by my actions.
i’m usually not that bold.
the whole time he was in my spot,
it was direct eye contact and adjusting himself.
he was even speaking to me in a sexier tone.
i was just going with the flow.
he gave me dap when he left,
but i don’t know how to even talk to him now.
maybe i’m overthinking?
its good to be back with you guys.