i legit embarrassed myself today.
even though i was with one of my amazing friends,
i don’t think i’m ready to be “out there” yet.
hunter hit me up and asked me what i was doing today.
he hasn’t seen me in a minute so we went to lunch.
i told him i wanted pasta.
we were having a great time and conversation when…
we started talking about things that ended up raising my anxiety.
i had this urge to throw up all my food.
all of this food:
since i’ve been in the crib,
i’ve saved all those vulnerable moments between my toilet and i.
I ended up throwing up in his car.
in a bag,
i can’t afford to be doing anyone’s car cleaning atm.
from the ride back to my spot,
i could not get my mind in order.
even though he told me that he doesn’t care,
there is a side of me that felt like he did.
it could be my insecurities talking.
Is this my new life?
one filled with anxiety?
what’s gonna happen when my other friends wanna chill?
foxholers who want to meet?
when i meet rihanna or issa rae?
When I meet that (baller) wolf who wants to get up?
this cannot be my new life.
this was me,
before anxiety struck:
lowkey: i don’t think i’m ready to be back out there yet.