The Week Before He Died

i’ve been feeling so off this week.
i was sick,
but there was more going on too.
i did not understand why,
but i felt depressed for no reason at all.
things have been going pretty well.

job is going good
skin is looking like smooth caramel
money could be better but i’m not in struggle city
wolves on the streets been sniffing around my parts
going out alone and enjoying my own company
the foxhole has been engaging with great debate/topics

so what could possibly be bothering me?
as soon as i looked at the calendar

it’s been 5 years since star fox left this world

it actually started last week.
i saw this guy on the train and he looked dead ass like star fox.
it had me legit do a double take.
he was the same height,
and side profile.
it was one of the eeriest things i’ve ever seen.
i mean,
i’ve seen lookalikes like my parents on the streets,
but this person looked like he could be star fox’s twin.
it was almost like a reminder his death anniversary was coming up.
i use to get those kind of spiritual and internal alerts with my parents,
but i don’t get them as much as the years go on.

i miss my brother.
i tried to replace the presence he had in my life,
but no one has or will come close.
after the date passes,
i’ll be good again.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

11 thoughts on “The Week Before He Died”

  1. I know how you feel man. I get that way in January and April. January was the month of my best friend’s birthday, and also the month he died. April is the month of the NY Auto Show, and we would go every year. Haven’t been since he passed.
    It gets better, but you will have those moments where a memory hits you out of nowhere, or a situation reminds you of him, etc. Hang in there man.

    1. ^im sorry for your loss as well.
      it gets tough especially when you form bonds with these folks.
      it truly isn’t fair,
      but i’m sure they’re with us closer than we realize.
      that’s what i try to tell myself.

  2. Awwww I’m so sorry to hear this. Sending you my condolences and a big hug and kiss to you Jamari I couldn’t even begin to imagine how you feel but I just wanted to give you some positive energy during this difficult time.

    Love you From Columbus Ohio


  3. I can relate, I loathe the month of May because of Mother’s Day and my mother died May 27th.Thank goodness it’s almost over.

  4. My best friend passed on Oct 2 2016. It still feels like she died yesterday. At the time of her death, she was dealing with stage 3 lung cancer, COPD and Influzema. She died from a result of heart failure which I suspect was from all the drugs they had her on. Mind you I was her caregiver for the last two years of her life so it was already hard watching her go through all the treatments and surgeries. I was still hopeful that she would pull through and although she was hooked to an oxygen machine, she was determine to still be here. My world was crushed when she died. I never had a friend like her and I don’t think I ever will again. She is the reason I believe in soul mates. I don’t have the best relationship with my parents so not only was she my bestie but she was very much like a mother to me. Every Holiday and birthday passes, I think of her heavily and it would shut me down. Especially her birthday which is July 12. I know the feeling bro but I try my best to think of all the good times. She wouldn’t want me dwelling on her not being here ESP with all that she had to deal with when she was alive. It will always be a pain in my heart but with each day I am able to get through it. You just gotta focus on the good times. Hang in there bro.

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