The Sweetness At The Bottom of Depression

tumblr_mit8gy6JBH1rruop4o1_500i only left my crib to go get a haircut and do laundry.
if i could have,
i would have spent the entire weekend in my cave.
lights off.
phone off.
“leave me alone”.
i have cried,
prayed,
and slept.
not entirely in that order.
have you ever been so depressed that you didn’t know what to do?
like if your life ended at that moment,
you might actually do a cart wheel into the light.
well thats how i felt all week.
i felt like a keyshia cole album.
last week was bad.
pretty bad.
i was/am/kinda/i dunno low-key depressed

everything has been awful.
my job has been crazy stressful,
which as you know,
isn’t really that surprising.
i did take the suggestions about looking into luxury retail tho.
either i got curved or they are still reviewing my application.
either way no answer yet.
i got an email to do some styling on a celeb wolf,
but those plans fell through due to a whole ton of unprofessional-ism.
as you know my ex-crush turned out to be…
yeah.
i don’t even want to see him on the plantation grounds tomorrow.
oh and get this!
i don’t know if its all the stress in my life,
but i’m missing a nice patch of hair from my head.
tumblr_m3mn97Oer61robrlbthank you!
thank you!
life blows enormous chunks at the moment!
i know the saying is:

“god’s rejection is a new direction”

…sooooooooooo does that mean do over?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

14 thoughts on “The Sweetness At The Bottom of Depression

  1. Jamari I haven’t commented in over a yr maybe two.
    I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit.
    And something similar happened to me. My hair fell out in patches and its funny cause it’s low cut and my eyebrow just fell off.
    It might be alopecia, for me it was a form of that and it’s an autoimmune disease…stress exacerbates it so you’ve got to get that under control and if it is you need to see a dermatologist or a doctor so they can prescribe you something to help it grow back.
    I only went after mine wouldn’t grow back for 3 months…
    Hope it isn’t that though.
    You’ve got to take care of your body man, you only get one.

  2. Hey Jamari, I am praying and pulling for you. It will get better. You seem like a great guy who is very hard on himself. Don’t I know. I believe it will turn around for you. Exercise or find a way to shift that energy. Depression is no joke I know. Spring is here time to bask in the newness of the season. Keep the faith and have hope.

  3. Sup bro! U’ve been on my mind a lot lately and obviously things are not going great.

    I know it sounds cliche but everything will be alright. There’s a reason to all this.

    As for the luxury retail suggestions, did you actually go to the store and ask to talk to a manager or you just sat at home and submitted your applications? If that’s the case good luck with getting an interview.

    I’ve been in the same situation and I feel compelled to do whatever is in my power to help you get out this funky mood but we have to work together on this ok?

    I want you to make a list of all J. Crews stores, or other stores that you like, in NYC, but can only speak for J. Crew….There are several of them, they even have some catering to men only. After making the list, I want you to commit to go to each store, dress up like you were going to meet your future baller wolf, and ask to talk to a manager. Take your resumes with you of course. Please do that on the weekends before 12 or after work, but preferably on the weekend before 12 because they tend to be super busy between 12-4. I want you to apply for a VPS (Very Personal Stylist) position or Sales Associte. I would advice you to apply for a VPS position because they make more money and can get a fulltime position. Once you’ve done your part of the work, send me an email with the names and phones number of the managers you spoke with and we will take it from there.

    Like I always tell you, how bad do you want it? I went from being a homeless without a job to working at two great companies that I love dearly, and signing a lease at a very nice apartments complex. It’s possible but you’ll have to work your ass off.

    Good night little bro! Love you dearly!

  4. Jamari, we’ve all been there man.

    Saturday, it was raining and I wanted to do nothing but curl up with a huge pizza and make it a netflix day.

    Tried all day to reach out to people and make an effort, but the whole ordeal reminded me why I sometimes seek isolation. I’m trying to tell someone I THOUGHT could be a possible friend some of my real life issues and he offers no insight but asks me if I want to join in with group sex with him and his boys. Smh really?!

    I was depressed all day thinking “is this how shit is always going to be for me?”

    I went to the gym and sprinted my life away on the treadmill and soon as those endorphin release I was happy!

    I was on the treadclimber hitting the schmoney dance to my pop station on pandora. In my own little world lol

    You just have to find your release. Some people lift heavy ass weight, run until they’re in the middle of no where, or cook.

  5. We’ve all been here before and believe me when I say it will get better. Just keep talking to people and using your blog as an outlet. It will help you move onward and upward towards a positive direction. I had a friend who was also battling depression really heavily, but he didn’t have the strength to carry on. He ended his life last week and has left all of us in so much pain. You can do this. Know that there are people out there like me that love you and are rooting for you. You have us in your corner, no matter what. Never forget that. Just stay prayed up and talk your feelings out to loved ones and confidants. The light will one day come.

    1. ^omg Jay im so sorry to hear that.
      thank you for everything you said.
      it got really lonely these last few weeks,
      but I’m pushing for a brighter tomorrow with a new beginning.
      again I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.
      You and his family will be in my prayers.

      1. Thanks man. He felt a sense of loneliness also but know that you are never alone and if ever you need a friend, I’m always available to be a listening ear. I mean it.

  6. this depression seems to be like A bad bug going around. I have it, you have it, a lot of people on here have it. I really hope everything gets better for you, this life is to short for any of us to let the bad shit get in the way of the blessings.

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