we all have them.
from jobs to potential mates,
we have a list of things we expect them to do.
well i’m learning i may expect a little too much…
i went out with a home vixen i’ve known for years earlier.
she met up with me at a nice spot in harlem.
burgers and good convo was on the menu.
she also lured me out my crib with the promise of a free lunch.
how could i say no?
i started to talk to her about mi.
one of the clients at my job gave me a pink lipgloss the day thursday.
it was a tester that wasn’t out in stores yet.
i figured give it to mi.
i have many home vixens who deserved it,
but i chose her since she was “family”.
when i came home,
she wasn’t there so i left it on the couch.
when she got in the house,
she never came to my room to say anything about it.
i had to walk out there to ask her if she liked it.
…in a very bland “whatever-ish” tone.
when i walked in the crib last night,
she had my living room ransacked.
there was hair pieces,
her blow dryer,
every fuckin light on,
and hair dye on my floor.
i inhaled/exhaled and walked into my room.
its when i walked in the bathroom,
that i was met with hair dye all over the place.
in the sink and all over my shower walls.
“jamari calm down.
its not that serious.
i’ll clean it up.
stop being so dramatic.”
why am i getting an attitude because you’re a dumb ass?
thats the part that confused me.
i left her where she stood and went into my room.
thats where these tweets came from:
“i tried to scrub it and it won’t come out.”
i had no voice to yell or pull my (he)bitch out my attic.
she attacked me in here.
i simply bounced to meet my home vixen.
i had to wonder why i even gave her that lipgloss?
she is so ungrateful its ridiculous.
when i finished explaining that story,
my home-vixen flat out told me:
“you expect people to do what you think they will do.
you thought by giving her that lipgloss,
she would return the favor and be this great person,
she has shown you countless times who she is.
you think because she is with you,
and you gave her a place to stay,
that she will treat you differently.
she may love you,
but that girl is the way she is due to her own life experiences.
“jamari from the time i’ve known you,
this is just who you are.
you always try to see the good in people.
you also expect them to treat you differently.
you try to control people.
these people are treating you the way they treat everyone.
then you get all mad and beat yourself up because they’re assholes.
you need to change your way of thinking.
it won’t be easy,
because this is learned behavior,
but you have to for your sanity.”
she was right.
i even had to think about work wolf.
i expect him to treat me a certain way,
or do what i think he should do,
and i fall flat on my face each time.
when i think about it,
he does the same shit to me like he does to his harem.
what made me think i was different?
because i’m a fox?
after that lunch,
it made me feel drained.
i feel like my car has ran outta gas on a dark road.
i don’t know how i want to proceed next,
but i know my life needs adjustment.
the only problem is…
I don’t know how to do it.
do i become a full time (he)bitch?
cut people off?
i don’t know what to do anymore.