The Day It Rained In My Bedroom

Today was a strange day for this Fox.

I sat in my house, practically in the dark and let random thoughts take over me.
I watched television for a little and tried to cheer myself up.
Realistically, I did SHIT besides have a mini meeting to discuss future plans and goals.
I have decided to move forth on a few ventures alone,
since as of late,
I have been treated like SHIT.
But, being alone and in the dark can be dangerous.
It brings about the things that you keep hidden.
Things that causes the worst depressions and thoughts you can’t un-think.

An idle mind truly is the devil’s playground…

I had to ask myself today why am I always in this situation.
You know, seeing through people and cutting them off before they could hurt me.
I like to suck the poison out before it can do worst damage than it should.
So much so, I end up having to travel the road of life with limited people around me.
I am not like Jenn or Evelyn in Basketball Wives.
Get mad at my “friend” and throw a few wine bottles and vases to prove a point.
Then after an intense meeting filled with tears, I kiss and make up and live happily ever after.
Like, nigga, you do realize you nearly killed me with that Chardonnay bottle right?

I have friends around me of years that I have fought with and we made it.
But, when it comes to new people and this new generation, I am ready to cut off once the going gets tough.
Especially in this entertainment industry, there ARE no friends.
Just a bunch of opportunist and career whores.
I give people chances upon chances (and boy do I give chances).
But, once I am hurt to the core, I usually just give up.

This year has already started out with a bang.
I lost my job and now I lost some people around me.
People who I thought I could trust that turned out to be as see through as a newly cleaned glass window.
Somehow, I think God was the reason things have ended up the way they did.
I am now going to build my own empire, but that road is a dark and lonely one.
One that I am extremely scared to travel,
but my bags are already packed.

I know that I have you guys reading to cheer me on…
…but, maybe I need me mostly?
I started to think

When did life get so fucking tough?

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

8 thoughts on “The Day It Rained In My Bedroom”

  1. Forgive, because it frees you up, and then move on. You don’t have to restore & the relationship(s) need not be the same. Just use that wisdom gained as you move forward. Kepp your eyes open (which I think you’re already doing), and when you’re feeling down – reach out to those friends you can trust…it’s never good to be by yourself too long in those moments.

    And of course, talk to God 🙂

  2. I have the same problem re: cutting people off. I don’t really—emotionally resolve issues. I internally hold grudges. So, once you fuck up, in my head I’ll be fully aware of the fact you fucked up—even if I never say anything about it. The problem with that is the minute you do anything even remotely out of pocket, I’ll be ready to cut you off.

    That said, stay busy. That’s what I’ve learned. Don’t allow shit to fester ie. negative feelings. Get out and do something. Get a hobby. Usually when I’m the most depressed/sad, no one can tell because I’m bouncing from one activity to the next.

  3. First off, stop sitting in the dark, you’re only making things worse by doing that. When things aren’t going right, a person is supposed to clear their mind and keep themselves busy so their mind won’t ponder. It’s going to be alright Jamari, just worry about it. The people who are currently in your life are the ones that actually matter.

  4. It’s prob the atmosphere your in Jamari. Just remember fuck everybody and pass me a shot!! Life is a bitch but you got to be the bigger bitch Jamari. Don’t forget Jamari a good movie has a great bitch in it

    1. ^my issue is I say I want to change,
      God provides that change with some issues to prove myself,
      and I fall victim to the issues while changing.
      Sheesh… if life was high school, Id be kept back….. wait, wait… sounds like a great entry.

  5. It’s been tough, you’re just noticing it because a rough patch has arrived. But it’s times like these that you learn what you’re really made of. As long as you’re alive you have no choice but to live, so give it your all, keep your head up, and don’t break.. We’re the descendants of the strongest people god ever made.. Thoroughbred… You’re in my prayers and you know some of the stuff I been through, If I can make it, anyone can.. Luv ya!

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