musical chairs is a simple game.
you line up a few chairs,
always one less than the number of players.
music plays,
everyone moves,
pretending there’s still room,
but the point of the game isn’t to win.
it’s to make sure someone loses.
when the music stops,
someone is always left standing.

from the time all of you joined me in The Foxhole,
it was probably from some sticky situation i found myself in.

a work wolf,
a job loss,
a murder of my best friend,
a letting go of people who couldn’t come with me.

…that or you googled something and landed here.
either way,
i am very transparent about my sticky situations.

the latest sticky situation is losing my home.

this didn’t start this year; it actually started last year…

…but it came to a halt at the end of this year.

it wasn’t because i was a bad tenant.
it wasn’t because i didn’t pay rent.
it wasn’t because i fucked my life up being on tina.

it was because my landlord wanted my unit for his family,
so the numbers stopped making sense.

besides The Foxhole,
my apartment is the one thing i’ve taken care of for a long time.
i am proud of myself for that and i my mother would be too.
this situation has stressed in ways that don’t photograph well.
i’ve been depressed,
disoriented,
and pulled back from myself and even my interests.

i want to make something clear:
i’m not ashamed and i didn’t fail.
why would i blame myself for something that wasn’t my fault?

now it’s cold AF,
during the holidays at that,
and i gotta look to move outta here at the end of the month.
the more the clock ticks; the more my anxiety gets louder.

hell,
i have crazy anxiety even writing this.

even though it hurts,
i’m moving at my pace.
sometimes,
the ground moves not because you were wrong…

…but because someone else decided they needed the space you were standing in.

if you’ve checked in,
talked with me,
laughed with me,
or simply stayed present with support:

thank you!

those moments mattered more than you know.

lowkey: it gives a little context why the “wicked” soundtrack hits hard for me right now.