musical chairs is a simple game.
you line up a few chairs,
always one less than the number of players.
music plays,
everyone moves,
pretending there’s still room,
but the point of the game isn’t to win.
it’s to make sure someone loses.
when the music stops,
someone is always left standing.

from the time all of you joined me in The Foxhole,
it was probably from some sticky situation i found myself in.

a work wolf,
a job loss,
a murder of my best friend,
a letting go of people who couldn’t come with me.

…that or you googled something and landed here.
either way,
i am very transparent about my sticky situations.

the latest sticky situation is losing my home.

this didn’t start this year; it actually started last year…

…this week,
after a lot of soul searching,
i asked myself a question:

What are things about me that makes me a bad partner?

i was honest with myself about my red flags…

There is a scene in sex and the city where Carrie fucks someone’s husband.
That someone’s husband,
Mr. Big,
was the love of her life.
The victim was the vixen,
Natasha,
that he chose after he broke up with carrie.
Whenever Carrie saw Natasha,
she did everything to get her forgiveness.
Natasha wanted nothing to do with it or Carrie.
Every time she sees Carrie,
her body language makes it perfectly clear she hates her.

someone said something about this situation that blew me away.
they said it wasn’t that carrie was sorry about the situation.
she didn’t give a fuck she fucked mr. big in their bed and got caught.
the real issue is…

“You drunk poison to teach someone else a lesson.”

ya know,
i’m seeing this discourse about why kamala harris supposedly “lost”,
and the takes are giving high-key delusion.

“She had too many celebrity endorsements.”
“She wasn’t a good speaker.”
“She wasn’t black enough.”
“She never talked policies.”
“She clung too close to biden.”

interestingly enough,
the other candidate did all of those those things but it’s ignored.
let’s be 110%,
kamala pulled together a pretty damn sharp campaign in just 90 days.
she put in the work and tried something different than the others.
the reality is…

every time i see jahfari,
he also looks like another version of my first Foxhole crush,
devin thomas.
God,
remember those days?
a F-BI sent me a drop letting me know that jahfari might be inching closer into the Foxhole…

i was fonting with one of my dear best friends today in texts.
she asked me:

that question always made me nervous.
i got caught up in trying to impress her.
i always saw her as having it together but i am always a mess.
so i always wanted to look like i was doing something even if i wasn’t.
i was always full of excuses because i would do that when i was younger.
so my answer to her question… Continue reading “why aren’t you being honest?” →