f0xmail: I’m An Actor, But I’m Also Gay and Living In Fear! Help!


Hey Jamari, 
Let me first start off by saying I am a fan of you, your work and just overall everything you stand for. I was hoping you could give a little insight on something. My dream is to be an actor, I love the craft I live for it; it’s one of the few things in my life that feeds my soul. I’m openly gay but discreet. And as a young gay BLACK man I have 3 strikes against me. 
1. Black
2. Male
3. Gay 

I know that it’s 2018 and it seems like everyone is getting their life these days but in the same breath there’s still a stigma on us. We can’t be considered “masculine” or we can’t play the lead bc with ppl knowing that I’m gay I won’t be taken seriously. I want to strike it big but I’m.. I guess you can say stuck on the F.E.A.R. complex


Mostly because I’m fearful of being typecast or shunned bc of my sexuality and as much as it pains me to admit it but I’ve been on the Grimmr (yes, I call Grindr the Grimmr bc let’s just be honest that thang is GRIMEY!! lol) yes I’ve sext’d and feel that if I do become a star someone will “expose” me.   Now don’t get me wrong FAME is definitely NOT the goal, I would still act if even if it were in dinner theatre (God forbid) but how can I get over my FEAR complex and finally LIVE and not just exist
Much Love & Light



believe it or not,
there are a lot of male actors who are gay or bi.

from action heroes to “ladies men”.
the average person often doesn’t believe males being gay/bi in real life.
hollywood is the land of make believe.
it takes regular folks who have tremendous talent,
or 200k followers,
and turns them into stars.
the down side is many of them have:

drug problems
sex addictions
mental illnesses
murderous tendencies
domestic abusers

full fledged racists

we wouldn’t know that because they have great publicists,
and legions of supporters that will drag anyone on command.
they can get away with nonsense because coddling is in.

gay males in hollywood and sports are not perfect.
some are paying for male escorts while married to vixens,
messy af in dms,
having orgies,
fuckin for roles,
fuckin other male co stars,
and basically out here wyldin like they can’t be outed tomorrow.
straight male actors can be “gay for pay” if the role is right.
there are a select few gays in here in long term relationships with another male,
but know where their bread is buttered.
they play the “straight” role rather well.
for them,
it’s not about hiding who they are,
but knowing how to play the game so they can eat.
they might even be open to others,
but closed to the general public.

the more you know how to play the game,
the better chances you can get to where you need to be.

the point i’m trying to make is folks still living out here.
they be straight messy af,
but they know someone will clean up their mess.
no one cares who comes out the closet nowadays.
“how woke are you?” is the latest trend.
i tend to think white folks fare better in coming out,
but it’s still taboo for blacks.
unless you have someone with mega pull behind you,
things will just be the way it is for right now.
this popcorn society doesn’t make it any better either.

i say concentrate on what’s important.

Your acting

take acting classes and continue getting out there.
it’s wise not to be out here making enemies,
or making sex tapes with your face in clear view,
but the most important thing is to always work on perfecting your craft.
the goal is to get your paws in the door.
the “what if and whys” can come later.
everything else will be cleaned up accordingly.

i hope that helps and good luck!

5 thoughts on “f0xmail: I’m An Actor, But I’m Also Gay and Living In Fear! Help!

  1. Honestly that’s what puts me off about getting into Hollywood. Actors have to sacrifice their private life to help sustain their career. It sucks. If you don’t talk about your love life then it becomes a hot topic. Just look at Queen Latifah and Tyler Perry.

    Btw being a man isn’t a “strike”. We live in a patriarchal world so being a man gives you a form of privilege. Being black & gay is yes, but being a man solely is not. However as a black gay guy that is a huge strike compared to a white gay man or a white lesbian because they have the complexion of protection. And also women get less stigma for being homosexual since men fetishise it smh.

    Yes there are many men in Hollywood who are closeted gays. But their publicists usually set them up with women to pretend that they’re dating to diffuse rumours about homosexuality. So if you’re not prepared to use a beard then coming out would be the next option. I will say though that the lack of openly gay black male actors in the mainstream is very telling.

    1. You can do what ever you want in the industry, but the major problem is there aren’t enough parts out there for us in front of the camera or behind. My dad has been working since he was 17 and he’s done it all but found the most success on stage. My frat brother is on a top ten show on cable but he’s had work his way up for twenty years. He’s out but that also adds to the character he plays. I think the biggest hurdle for all of us is the parts simply aren’t there unless we are playing thug number two etc.

  2. Actually, on the contrary, Hollywood is actually filled with intelligent individuals. They now how to market media and to what groups and to what extent…and it’s the consumers that are sex addicted and submissive to mindless viewings of films.

    Filmmaking and budgeting is a skill those outside of Hollywood could never grasp…

    BUTTTTT…….in all aspects of life, there are some bad people…some really bad people… Hollywood is not excluded from that. There are some things that go on. Folks lose jobs because of this and that, some people even disappear…..

    I can tell you this….ALL SNAKES DONT HISS.


    My advice to the guy who sent that letter is to live your truth…you only have one life to live while you are on this overcrowded Earth and you better make sure you live it to the best of your ability….ALWAYS.

    You need to be bout that life. Man up and get what you want and don’t let anything get in your way…Adversity builds character.

    As long as you go about it the right, you’ll be fine…just don’t get caught up in the media…it’s a trap.

  3. Lets not forget about all the gay rap artists we got out here. In Atlanta men are so much more open with their sexuality. When I walk onto a set I can just about spot whatever gay person their is on that set. Many men you see on tv thinking they’re straight are in relationship with men. It also amazes me with the amount of men on Instagram that are supposedly straight behind closed doors taking and receiving favor from other men. Then swear up and down they not gay and even go as far as to say they hate gays. I met A guy on a well known tv show that I’m sure you know He was so different from how he portrayed on tv he gave off gay vibes to me. (It was a show that Rick Ross was filming in Atlanta.) He was so cool to me he even introduced me to his brother. The majority of men on those sets will stare you down and when you turn and notice them they turn away to make like they not staring lol. To the reader I will get better for you as time progresses. Ppl are becoming more open. Hang in there. An artist must create and so I know your passion. I love acting some of you may have seen me before on tv. Have patience and courage your time will come soon. I was on SET with diddy son Quincy and Diana son Evan Ross for Star. Quincy is a snack.

  4. Well said Jamari! Hollywood is make believe, everyone plays a role, sex obsessed, married w/children, you name it anything goes. To the writer, you may have to play a role in real life to get your career moving.

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