lately,
i’ve been listening to the “waiting to exhale” soundtrack.
i know.
that isn’t a good sign.
it has me thinking about bernadine’s storyline in the movie.

she was the faithful wife,
thinking she was going to have a night out with her husband,
when he tells her that he is leaving her for a white vixen.

right now,
i am bernadine but i’m past the shock phase.
that was saturday when i heard the test of my emergency broadcast system.
today…

i am still in the shock of what went down on saturday.

for over 15 years,
i was a loyal tenant in my apartment.
i made sure that even if i starved,
my rent would be paid.

now i’m being pushed out and i have 30 days to get out.

how amazing before the holiday season approaches,
right?
i’ve been going through the motions,
but this soundtrack has really been speaking to my soul.
even though i’m not going through a romantic break up,
the feelings of loss are still the same.

but today,
i’m really feeling the energy of:

i don’t know what to do right now but mourn.
i’ve been sitting in the darkness and allowing it.
i’m so use to fighting it for survival but this time,
i’m just feeling everything that comes at me.
for the first time in some traumatic shit,
i decided to not wear a mask and truly lay my ass down.

that’s all i got as i figure out what’s next.

lowkey: i hope no one thought i was having fun,
laying on a beach,
or running the streets of new yawk.
the good news is we get to go through this together so i won’t feel so alone.