“a story of low self esteem.”

that was on the first page.
i think it might have been a warning.
last week,
i decided to start reading to get my mind off “well, you know“.

the new movie “pillion” is based off a book called “box hill” by adam mars-jones.
the book follows colin who meets ray at a biker club called “box hill”.
it is based in the 70s,
but if this was current,
he would be considered an “the fantasy attentionisto” on socials.
so they meet when colin trips over ray at the club…

…and while on his knees,
he sucked ray’s dick at the club because,
well,
why not since he was already down there.

i’m not finished reading but colin annoys me because every other sentence is:

“why does he like me?”
“he is gonna leave me because this is a joke.”
“what does he see in me?”

…and it legit reminded me of past voices in my head,
especially ones when it came to work wolf and others.

i must have come a long way in my life to be annoyed at this.

because of the low self esteem,
colin will do anything to keep ray satisfied even if it means:

eating ray’s tail
licking ray’s boot

mind you,
he was a virgin (or inexperienced) when they met.
their first sex scene in the book was graphic-ish.
ray went no holds barred in his hole and i was like:

i’ve come to realize that we end up in a D/s situationship on accident with some males.
if anyone peeps your low self worth,
and you’ll do anything to please them:

they will dominate you into submission.

this even goes past fantasies like fake friends,
horrible bosses,
and folks we don’t realize are narcs and psychopaths.
even if you like being on “the bottom”:

you gotta put your big dick on the table before they do.

…even if it ain’t big.
that’s even better.

you can check out box hill: here