living your worst life in the post-pandemic era

…”feel like God is still with me”.
so #weoutside again.
the parties are lit and the brunches are plentiful.
i’m sure each one of us has been to a concert this year.
many of us waited patiently,
or impatiently,
to get back out there once the pandemic was over.
there are many who haven’t returned to this new normal.
in fact,
it brought us further into a peril where we suffer silently.
one thing we aren’t fontin’ enough about

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oh hi, i’m back from my psychotic meltdown

two things can be true at the same time.
i don’t think many of us realize this,
especially in the black community.
we expect everyone to be as pretty and perfect as what we see on instagram.

you can have a very pretty life and be very sad too.

There are people who post their pretty pictures but literally waiting to die.

can you handle their truth?
or do you want them to always be pretty?
to entertain you because you are dying inside too?
you don’t come to this foxhole because i post pretty pictures,
pretending to be better than you…

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I am a whale, swimming in a circle, in an ocean that is too deep.

during my time offline for my birthday,
i decided to watch a movie called “the whale” starring brendan fraser.
in the movie,
he played said whale.
no seriously,
he was pretty large.


the movie touches on truth,
and forgiveness.
even with how cruel some of the people were to charlie (brendan fraser),
he still tried to show love and see the positive within their disgust/hatred.
from the start,
and end,
i was bawling in all kinds of ugly.
ever so often,
a movie comes along during a time i need to watch it.
“the whale” was it for me and i thought to myself…

Am I The Whale too?

Continue reading “I am a whale, swimming in a circle, in an ocean that is too deep.”

the lonely heart follows you everywhere you go

many people have suggested i move to cali.
i’m not ready for the west coast yet.
i haven’t even visited so i don’t know if i’ll even like it.

Not only that,
I heard black males over there don’t like anything that isn’t exotical black,
or other.

someone i’m familiar with moved to cali from new yawk.
they were complaining about feeling alone since getting out there.
this is what they fonted…

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the foxhole fav that i feel empathy for

chadoy leon.
a foxhole fav who was a tumblr fav years ago.
a few years ago,
he lost his brother in a very tragic way.
ive noticed something about chadoy that a foxholer picked up on too…

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group therapy broke me

we learn quickly that there are others in worst positions than us.
our problems are molehills compared to the mountains of many others.
i asked my therapist to try out group therapy last week.
i was very excited about taking my therapy journey to the next step,
but it ended up draining me for a few days

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