oof,
lil nas x,
if you are trolling for album sales,
ima need you to hit up that safe word like NOW.

“BANANAS”
“OXYCONTIN”
“HELP”

i saw this pop up from “the neighborhood talk” and:

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A post shared by The Neighborhood Talk (@theneighborhoodtalk)

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A post shared by The Neighborhood Talk (@theneighborhoodtalk)

double oof BUT this actually could be a good thing,
especially for someone like LNX.
in my head…

what in God’s name is going on with lil nas x?

i feel like he does not know who is he anymore.
somewhere between sliding down stripper poles and lap dancing on satan,
he fell off somewhere.
i was interested in this new era of his but then…

so allegedly,
he was hospitalized for an OD but was caught half naked walking the L.A. streets…

i’ve realized that i’ve spent my entire life performing for family,
“friends”,
jobs,
and of course,
wolves i really liked.
the forest was my stage and everyone was my audience but in reality:

the more i performed; the less i found myself being accepted and respected.

many people didn’t stick around as much effort as i put in.
once they left,
i still found myself performing for their approval.
i wanted people that don’t even matter to still see me in some way.
it caused me to be consumed by the dark arts of the performance,
all the while making me doubt myself in where i stand in my life if i wasn’t “the star”.
as i have been healing many parts of me that are broken…

how do two people grow up in the same orbit,
but end up speaking completely different emotional languages?
i asked cousin hybrid that exact question yesterday.
his answer…

sometimes,
we can handle the harassment and bullying.
you don’t even need to be a public figure:

Imagine how it is for many people at work being bullied and harassed by bosses?
Feeling weak and hopeless because that is how you make money.
It’s not like you can escape because you need that job to survive,
along with the fact it’s hard to find a job atm.

when people catch you during difficult times in your life,
that is when it can really enhance mental health issues.
depression turns into a black hole with thoughts of final answers.
the following is when i nearly un-alived myself over online bullying…

*This post contains discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts, and/or self-harm. Please take care of your mental and emotional well-being before proceeding. If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. Help is available:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Dial 988
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• International resources: www.befrienders.org

This content is shared for awareness, reflection, and healing—not to glorify, encourage, or trivialize mental health struggles. Reader discretion is advised...

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i was fonting with that wolf i met in the group chat the other night.
he asked me:

“With everything you went through,
are you ruthless with the way you are with people?
I am.
If someone does anything to hurt me,
I go off.”

my response…