i don’t want to live; i don’t want to die (jump by kofi siriboe)

i admire those who can live beyond their minds.
the ones who aren’t shackled in the dungeons within it depths.
your mind will really play tricks on you.
it’ll have you feeling like you don’t belong and shouldn’t exist.
sometimes,
it’ll replay past traumas that can cripple you.
i’ve been there and still there.
some days are better than others.
it can be a real struggle to find my worth.
this is one of the reasons i’m so glad mental health is being talked about.
in the black community,
it is often swept underneath the rug.
we’re told most white people are supposed to be weaker mentally,
as they tend to kill themselves due to their own mental illnesses,
but survey says that’s a whole lie as of late.
kofi siriboe,
who is one of the stars in own’s “queen sugar”,
and the epitome of fine af,

released a short film he wrote and produced about mental health.
it’s called “jump” and i wanted to show it to the foxhole…

simple,
but extremely powerful.
i start to hate when folks ask me if i want to go out when i’m down.
it’s like i can feel the judgment.
some days,
i’m hype af to meet up with friends.
the rest,
i just want to be left alone and not be around others.
“it’s not you; it’s me”.
like,
forreal.
it’s hard to really explain and only those who suffer from depression get it.

i find in the gay community,
you have to be some sort of a “social butterfly” in order to be accepted.
if you’re not out every night,
traveling state to state to attend every pride event,
getting 1k likes on your social media,
and maybe hosting a sex party at your crib,
you are looked at as an outcast or “weird”.
if you aren’t out here screwing everything that walks,
or being in the gym every single day,
you’re pretty much casper -the damn- ghost.
hell,
even those types are numbing their pain by those vices.

in the straight and gay forests,
i always felt different and i never felt like i truly belonged.
when i made this website,
and saw so many others who were just like me,
it was comforting to know i wasn’t alone out here.

thank you for allowing me to keep going on days i don’t want to anymore.
i want to also thank kofi for his short film.
God truly has us.

*need help?
 call the national suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255
you can also chat online with them ( x here )
if you’re a teen foxholer who needs emotional coaching via text,

you can hit MINDRIGHT by texting “JUMP” to 886-886
( x visit mindright )

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

4 thoughts on “i don’t want to live; i don’t want to die (jump by kofi siriboe)

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