Girls, Girls, Girls (Girls I Do Adore?)

tumblr_lwo4z9MOFj1r2duhvo1_500i have a question.
this isn’t in particular to anyone,
nor meant to be insulting,
but i had to ask

what is this obsession with calling other gay men “girls”?
bad enough the real life girls with vaginas are doing it as well.
is it a sign of endearment or disrespect?
is it our “yo my nigga” in this lifestyle?
you’ll see on other message boards or online forums,
every gay man calling whoever as that.
someone say:

“look at these girls”
“oh you mean that girl..”

…to a regular dude who just happens to be gay.
tre melvin being one of them.
hell they were calling kerry rhodes a “girl” at one point.
if you tell them not to call you a girl,
they get so insulted or shame you for denying you were born with a uterus.
i don’t get it.
yet if a straight dude was to call them a “faggot”,
all hell would break loose.
maybe i’m weird?
i didn’t hang out in the lifestyle that much so i don’t “get it”.
the dudes i met who were gay never addressed me as “girl”.
then again,
they were never deep in the lifestyle either.
now if you are acting like a queen or a bitch,
i’ll call you as such.
even if you’re straight.
obviously that would be a sign of disrespect.

mean-girl-bitchso am i a bad person because i won’t address other men as “girls”?
do i lose my gay card because of that?

lowkey: funny enough,
i never see anyone call each other girls in my comment boxes.
well expect for last night.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

28 thoughts on “Girls, Girls, Girls (Girls I Do Adore?)

  1. Man I’m the Same way. Like when they call a dude’s booty the Infamous P word. Like really? What’s the use in comparing dudes to women when we are in fact not women?

    I think gay dudes get so caught up with the fact that it seemingly sounds cool and even funny coming from a drag queen’s mouth a la RuPaul’s Drag Race, that in order to be edgy and funny to their friends, they use the same terms.

    Ok i get that you’re feminine already. I get that youre trying to be funny. But to me, you just sound ridiculous.

    1. ^i would never greet anyone on this site as a girl.
      i promise you.
      even if the person is feminine,
      i’m calling you by your name.
      i never even addressed straight dudes with dawg,
      my n*gga,
      or son.

  2. I am not that deep in the lifestyle either. I will never use that word to describe another man. It is kinda rude.

  3. Wasn’t the poster “URSOVAIN” infamous for calling any and everything girl? And I’m not throwing dirt on nobody’s name but i just never got around to asking him why he always said that.

    But trust me he is not the only one.

  4. I am guilty of calling very effeminate men girl when I get around my homeboys but not to their face or anything, but when Im out at the mall or in a so called str8 setting I will look at one of my homeboys when I see a obviously gay dude and say “look at the little girl over there” and we laugh. I know its not right and makes me no different than str8 people who marginalize or see gay dudes as less than but I am just being honest. Im pretty much perceived as str8 when Im out in public but I know I would be shattered to pieces if Im called out for being gay in a public setting. I have to remember this when Im laughing at someone who I perceive as more gay than me. I have been working on this and trying to be better but I still address gay dudes as hey man or hey bro when I am out in a gay setting and give them dap, personally hate the hugging thing and hate how gay men always refer to each other as girl among themselves. If Im with my circle of friends and we call someone a girl in the group it is meant as a insult and not a term of endearment as many gay dudes mean it. This is a very interesting topic and makes me stop and think about some of the terms I use to refer to other gay dudes knowing I dont want them referring to me in this manner.

    1. @TAJAN… So if I may ask, what makes you feel that you have to point out other gays when you are with your straight homeboys? Is it a way to make yourself seem “superior” to feminine gays or is to take the heat off of you just in case someone may every questions your sexuality?

      I noticed that alot of times masculine gay/bi men will sort of point out feminine gay men as a way to distance themselves from them to show others that they are not like them because as we all have been guilty of associating feminine behavior of men as “wrong” or “bad” as if acting hyper-masculine is better.

      1. No Im with other gay dudes we are just masculine or masculine acting lol I only hang with a couple of dudes and you would probably know we are gay because you have gaydar but maybe not the general public who aint so hip to these things, no when I am out with my str8 homeboys I dont ever approach the gay subject at all or call anyone out like that.

  5. to me it’s an offense, i had to correct my friend one time. he’s gay and we were talking and he called me girl in the midst of the conversation and i stopped him and replied “i don’t have a uterus, i dont have a clit nor do i bleed monthly, i am a man i have a penis and i would respect if you don’t announce me as girl. I’m not a female nor do i want to be i just like men” and this fool became irritated. idk some gay men really think that they’re woman and quite frankly IT’S SAD!!!! SN: one of my homegirls called me girl before too and i told her don’t call me that and she assumed gay men were comfortable with that and i told her “not all of us”

    1. ^see thats the shit i’m talkin about.
      vixens sitting up here talking to you like you one of their home girls.
      none of the females i know that know i’m gay even address me as a “girl”.
      this one gay dude i knew had this one chick calling him a “queen”.
      he would say it was a badge of honor and he was a queen.
      i had to jet.

  6. I’ve called friends “girl”. I’m masculine. They’re masculine. None of us are really into the “lifestyle”. We say it to one another primarily in jest. Almost making fun of one another, but keeping it friendly.

    It’s not that serious.

    IMO, it’s all about being comfortable with your sexuality and who you are. It doesn’t bother me when it’s coming from friends because I’m naturally masculine. I don’t feel a need to assert my status as a man with a big dick. For what?

    The people I’ve noticed who take great issue with it are guys who aren’t totally comfortable with their sexuality. Ironically, they also tend to be more effeminate.

      1. What is wrong with the word “girl”? Social constructs of gender and misogyny have deemed women ( and words that are used to describe them) as weak, furthering the dominance of men. Black men particularly subscribe to patriarchy and sexism, propagating violence and abuse to women in our communities. I make this point to draw a parallels to the Black gay men and their internalized homophobia and sexism. Femininity in Black gay men is viewed as weak, humorous, unbecoming. Calling a black gay man ” girl” is an affront to the masculine gender expression that has been necessary for black men to navigate in a world. Hyper masculine behavior in black men is rewarded, and normalized…however we as a community don’t examine the pathology of hyper masculine behavior and how divisive it can be. We have been socially conditioned, as men to exude violent disrespectful behavior in order to solidify our gender construct as a man. Telling young boys to “be a man” is furthering violence to women. Black gay men who are gender non conforming are picked on, labeled “bottoms”. This dehumanizes black gay “feminine” men. Our bodies as black men are perversely sexualized and the symptomology of our internal homophobia and sexism is not identify with anything resembling “women”. Knowing this ,as much as we “live” for women, our mother, our sisters, our daughters…… we also undervalue women their essence and contributions. Why would anyone want to be called “girl” when that represents an even more marginalized worthless person than you as a man!

      2. That’s not what I said, lol.

        The people I find who are extremely offended by being referred to anything even remotely effeminate tend to be so themselves. Which is interesting from a psychological standpoint because it almost seems as if it stems from their need to assert their masculinity.

        Whereas someone like myself (and many of my friends) are naturally masculine; it doesn’t bother us much. Especially because we’re all friends.

        It’s not unlike straight boys who are comfortable in their heterosexuality not giving a fuck about doing “questionably gay” shit. They know they’re straight.

    1. Out of all people, you find this ok? Shocks the hell out of me. Random, it may not be serious to you, but it is to me. I don’t know about you or your relationship with your friends, nor is it any of my business, but I feel offended being called a name that I am not. I don’t play those games. I am not your bitch, I am not your girl, and I damn sure certainly ain’t your queen. Calling me any of those names might get you two blows to the dome. I am comfortable with my sexuality and within my masculinity enough to be seek respect from others, friends included. I have a question for you tho. You and I are familiar with each other on here. If I walked up to you and said, “hey girl” would that be cool? An inquiring mind wants to know. Remember, if your answer answer is no, then you are not comfortable with your sexuality and you are effeminate.

      1. @TheMan… We on the same page. Treat me like the man that I am. The fuck I want to be called “girl” for?

        I thought the point of liking men was because of the qualities they presented that are “masculine” typical of a man.

        Not because he wants to fill the void of the female in a relationship.

        I’m bi and my reasons for liking men and women are totally different. The chemistry between a man/woman and a man/man is totally different imo from what i’ve experienced in my life.

        So why would I want to be with a woman that reminded me a “man” and why would I want to be with a man who reminded me of a “woman?”

      2. Well, to answer your question, no; that would not be okay with me. We’re not friends like that. You don’t know me.

        But again, that is not the basis for my argument and isn’t what I said in my original reply.

        What I said is that what I have found is that people who are so greatly offended by it (even amongst friends in a non-derogatory fashion) have been either a) Uncomfortable with their sexuality or b) Effeminate themselves.

        What does that have to do with you? Lol.

        I just think that people take things too seriously. Kind of like gay men who like to go out of their way to assert their top status or the fact they’re bisexual rather than gay because it somehow affirms who they are as a man.

        It’s silly.

        And yes. This is coming from a very masculine man who does everything “stereotypically masculine”. It’s just not that serious to me amongst friends.

      3. Random, it does have something to do with me because I am greatly offended and I am neither one of those things, a or b. Too seriously? We are fighting for our respect and rights each and everyday, and we are frowned upon for millions because the way we live. My friends do not call me nothing others can’t. That’s just me. If the term is not offensive, then everyone should be able to say it towards you. If a stranger cannot say it to you, then it is offensive, period. You just tolerate the behavior from your friends because they are your friends, which proves my point. See guys, people will tolerate disrespect in order to keep their friends too. Been there done that, you think their playing but…. I’m done with this, as usual you will have your views and I will have mine.

        I ain’t going nowhere, but I understand why some of you lurk. It’s crazy around here. I know everyone has different views, but at times I be ready to crawl out of my skin at the foolishness. They talk about queens, but yet use their language. Using words like chile, slay, and girl…GOH. Queen language and you know it. I actually thought the words shade and read were made up by women, I know. Bless my heart. I have said shade once or twice, now I regret using it. SMH. I don’t speak queen language because I am not a queen. I am a man, and I have a penis, and balls, and I have a great amount of testosterone running through my body, which makes me a man, while the queens pretend they have neither of the three. Oh, and I know women have testosterone, just very small amounts.

        *exits post*

    2. being called girl is okay … there is nothing wrong with girls, women, and I won’t be antagonistic and allow internalized homophobia and sexism

      1. It is not okay, and you know that is bull. If a straight person call you that, you all ready to fight and whine. A vast majority of gay men are full of it regarding this lifestyle, I call it like I see it. You blatantly are being disrespected by being referred to as a girl when you are the total opposite and fail to realize that. However, when someone calls you a faggot, which isn’t even a word, you all are offended. SMH.

    3. But why use “girl” instead of “boy”? I’m sure you are a man right? Wouldn’t “boy” be more appropriate seeing that “boy” is typically used to describe a young man with immature qualities versus a man who is thought to be mature?

      If you are “masculine” which is usually used to describe the male gender, why would you use “girl” which in most cases represents the female gender that emcompasses qualites that are “feminine”.

      No diss but i’m just curious. Same with lesbians who try to dress up like men.

  7. i will say this.
    i respect everyone who comments here.
    i enjoy reading your views,
    but if anyone does not want to be called a girl,
    that is okay.
    its not the end all and be all of the world.
    when i go to a office,
    i check “male” not “female”.
    i dont care how much dick i like.
    people acting like because you don’t want to addressed as a female,
    you are on the same page as a serial killer or a child molester.
    like, what????
    people need to realize how you act is one small piece in a large pie.
    what you like,
    others will not especially in this lifestyle and that’s what is beautiful.
    we are different,
    go through different things,
    and respond differently to our surroundings.
    no one is saying you are wrong liking being called a girl,
    but if someone else doesn’t.
    fuckin’ respect it.
    stop acting self absorbed because you don’t understand why people don’t want to be addressed as that.
    you can be feminine as hell and still not want to be addressed as that.
    if my character is going to be judged because i don’t want to call a girl,
    i think you are a fuckin’ moron and you may need to be shot on site.
    cut it out.

  8. Faggot is a pejorative … I never thought girl or woman was a pejorative. Oh… but only in the minds of gay men do women, girl, lady represent disapproving contempt. However you want to be addressed is personal, and no one is disputing that. Understanding why being called a girl is so offensive to men, is what I am addressing. The reality is that in this world you don’t get a choice to be called by what you would like. Faggot, nigger, girl, boy, we are called may things intrinsically from birth no matter how you see it. Whether or not its visible to you, labeling and words are a part of socialization. The socialization is flawed because masculinity is oppressive, violence, and frigid. There should be more fluidity in “masculinity” to encompass the many faces and representations of such a sexist gender construct. WoW.. Im not being disrespected by being called a girl…. my masculine energy is not restricted by the world “girl”..because there is noting wrong with being a girl. Point blank. However he term is used its not offensive to me. In other words you have made being a girl less valuable and offensive. I now what sex i am and you calling me something other than my biologically assigned gender does not threaten me… like it may you

  9. The push for “political correctness” in efforts to not offend anyone is going to be the death of our society.

    No matter how you try to push it, certain things just ain’t cool. And calling a man “girl” and a woman “boy” and shit of the sorts is dumb as hell no matter how you try and twist it into this “new age type of thinking.”

    I just wish certain shit be left alone and stop trying to change everything.

    /the end.

    1. Things remaining the same is not apart of evolving socially…The same violence we teach our “boys” telling them to “Be a Man” is the same violence and disrespect that keeps us up at night worried about our mothers and daughters .

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