Gay Males Can Be Raped (All Fucking Ain’t Always Wanted)

one thing we never talk about in the foxhole is rape.
yes.
it don’t matter if you are a hoe or prudish.
it can happen in your spot or at a hotel.
gay males can get raped.
like our mental health,
it’s not something we like to talk about.
in a “victim blaming” society,
you are forced to suffer in silence.
not in the foxhole.
i won’t have it or stand for it.
so a vix-bi directed me to a story about zeke thomas.
he is the cub to nba legend,
isiah thomas.
well he spoke out about the time he got raped off grindr.
very tough story,
but the foxhole needs to read it via new york magazine


A year ago in February, Josh “Zeke” Thomas, the 28-year-old musician son of NBA legend Isiah Thomas, was raped, in his own apartment, by a man he met on Grindr. The experience came as close as any in his in many ways pretty charmed life to destroying him. “No one ever talks about this,” he says. “Especially men — gay men. It’s like, is it real, did it happen, is it believable?” He takes a deep breath.

“We had chatted on Grindr, and I had invited him to come by my studio since he was a singer,” he says. “Nothing against Grindr. I’ve met great people on Grindr, I’ve had sex with great people on Grindr. I can’t blame an app. But you don’t know shit about people you meet on it.” In any case, they’d not hooked up right away. “He seemed like a great guy. We hung out at the recording studio. And then a couple of days later he said, let’s go to Boys Town,” the gayborhood in Chicago, “for a drink.”

He felt safe there: He’d had DJ gigs there. He knew bartenders. But by the time he realized something was wrong it was too late. “All I remember is … getting in the cab. I know that I got drugged. I knew probably the moment that it happened because something didn’t taste right. But I didn’t think about it. I just didn’t think about it.” The next thing he knew it was the next morning. “It was literally like with Bill Cosby. When those women were like: ‘I woke up and he was fixing me breakfast or whatever.’” He pauses for a while, and then continues, quietly. “I woke up and he was handing me a glass of water and saying, ‘That was great let’s hang out again.’” He noticed that his dog was shut outside on his balcony, barking. And the guy leaves.

“My ass was destroyed. Destroyed. I’m bleeding,” Thomas recalls. “And I’m just like — terrified. I can’t move. I didn’t move from my apartment for two days. I didn’t move. I didn’t talk to anybody. I froze.” When he went to find the guy on Grindr, he either had blocked him or removed himself from the app.

Afterward, Thomas went a little bit crazy: not wanting to be alone, feeling manic. I asked Thomas if he told anyone, and when. He lowers his voice to a near-whisper. “I started getting into drugs and I started telling people when I was high. But they’re high too. They don’t want to talk about this shit.” Eventually, while high on mushrooms, he told his parents, who flew him back to New York (his dad is part owner and president of the WNBA team New York Liberty), and got him to a doctor and into therapy.

That led him to write about it in song: He has a single, called “Dealin’ With It,” out next month, which, obliquely anyway, deals with it:

“I’m not beggin for forgiveness

But this time I’ve come undone

Let my spirit leave this palace

I can’t find the strength to run.”

It’s not an easy thing to talk about directly. There is an attitude among gay men, or at least about gay men and in turn then internalized by gay men, that, as Thomas remembers straight friends saying, “‘Oh, you guys are always down. You’re always having sex anyway. You have Grindr; it’s so easy.’ And it’s like — really? All guys? And even guys who are promiscuous have a choice.”

Eventually, when he was not high, he began talking to his close friends about it. “Men and women. And they said: ‘This happened to me.’ Two of them said this happened to me multiple times.”

And gay men don’t talk about it — but they do often make jokes infused with a kind of casual self-hating gay bravado, about how you “can’t rape the willing.” The fact is, when I was younger, something very close to what happened to Thomas happened to me often enough that, when I think back on it, I realize that I’d come to think that it didn’t count as forced sex if I’d managed to get the guy to put a condom on. This was before the age of Truvada, and I have friends who tested positive after not managing to do that, often because they were in blackouts, sometimes suspiciously so. And terrifyingly, although he was on PrEP, Thomas tested positive himself afterward, though it turned out to be a false positive when he was retested.

his interview on gma today:

 my mother always told me never get anything ive left un-attended.
meaning: always get a new drink if i stepped away from it.
she also taught me to never accept drinks from anyone i don’t know.
that always puzzled me.

“what if it’s a friend?”

“don’t matter!”

i get it now.
getting raped isn’t always from some stranger.
you can be a strict “wolf” and be raped by someone trying to conquer you.
it can be from a friend you’ve known for years.
friends can get you set up to be raped/taken advantage of as well.
that shit don’t just happen in the movies.
rape is about power.

you should also never fuck anyone who is drunk.
i don’t care how much they were begging for it.
they can wake up the next day and claim they never gave permission.
be careful out here foxhole.
not everyone is going to play by your rules.
evil lurks behind the brightest of smiles
sad story from zeke.
i hope he is able to find peace and help others by speaking out about this!

*if you have been raped,
don’t suffer in silence.
confide in someone or if you don’t feel comfortable doing that:

x GO HERE

lowkey: if your friend is drunk af,
don’t leave them in a public setting
always make sure they get home safe.
do unto others…

article taken: new york magazine

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

12 thoughts on “Gay Males Can Be Raped (All Fucking Ain’t Always Wanted)

  1. Erections are biological functions.

    For each part of the body to work, blood has to flow to whatever limb needs it so it can oxygenate and allow that body part to work. When you pinch a limb and it hurts…like ants or needles stinging it…a body part that fell asleep? Blood was not flowing to that area.

    Friction will create an erection. You could be walking, have fabric that rubs against your shaft of head and suddenly be at ful mast.

    Sometimes, we as men get them when we are not even turned on…they’re called spontaneous erections.

    Having an erection during a rape does not mean you enjoyed it. Both men and women will display physical arousal, (through the nipples, throbbing or twitching of the penis, clitoris enlargement, etc) but that does not mean they are enjoying it.

    If a straight man is sleeping and you rub on his phallus and it gets hard..is he suddenly gay? No.

    I do not mean to throw my education around, but I actually have a degree in Biology, so no, I did not graduate from Google University.

  2. Damn, this is deep…yeah I always keep an eye on my drink and have been known to walk my black ass right along with u to the kitchen/bar while to prepare me one…shit, I wonder if these drugs can be frozen, cause I can see a mofo tryina be slick and put that shit in ice cubes n shit, smdh…it’s a good thing I prefer my cognac and whiskey neat…

  3. This weekend I attended a mixer party after meetin a guy on Jack’d. The party was cool and meeting ppl from different states however the party thrower offered drinks to toast the party. Being me and diagnosed with acid reflex I didn’t drink but I did toast the party. Thou I was controlled myself, I’m glad I read this story. The scary part of this story was his forced penetration, and I can tell you I’m no bottom after a dude try that one on me and his access pass was denied. I can’t tell you even the amount of jell and pain makes me not want to try that again!!!

  4. I remember seeing a 20/20 special years ago where a woman was being raped and she asked the rapist to put on a condom. They had the woman in court trying to prove that she was raped because once she asked the guy to put on a condom, never mind that he broke into her house late at night to rob her as well, the act became consensual. Go figure.

    I actually knew a guy that was gang-raped. He was coming back to campus late one night and he was attacked by some drunk guys. They robbed him and also ended up running a train on him. Some girls found him behind a dumpster. It was said that he was bleeding from the rear and he had bodily fluids all over him. Never saw him again after that, so I don’t know what ever became of him.

  5. Confession time: I’m a 24 year old virgin. NOT BY CHOICE because you all don’t know me I can freely say I am not the cutest man out there according to societies standards. Truth be told most of you wouldn’t give me a 2nd look. I personally love the way I look I’m unique I’m every way. I have vitiligo but I’m not the usual cute cookie cutter person w/ vitiligo i.e. winnie Harlow and etc. I’m just not good looking if you asked most but let remind you I LOVE MYSELF AND THE WAY I LOOK. Now I’ve never ever been with anyone I’ve never even kissed anyone not a single person has ever hit on me or tried to get with me even on dating sites like tinder, grindr, and pof I get no play at all but it’s cool. There was that one time I got catfished by some 40yr old in AZ extremely over weight white man named Tim who confessed he was just as lonely as me but I was 16 so that was a no go. I often joke to myself how nice it would be if a man even took me by force hoping he’d be cute and disease free but let me tell you even in my situation the thought of actually having my choice taken away from me scares the hell out of me. I know people who have been down that road their story is similar to this guy and it literally gives me goosebumps just imagining having this done to me. Even worse having it done when your conscious. We live in a sad and sick world my people. The best you can do in a situation like this is speak up to help others out. Thanks to my friends who’ve been through this I know to never just accept a drink from anyone and to always keep an eye on the bartender when making your drink.

  6. Men in general don’t deal with rape well whether slgay or straight. I read an article about same sex rape in the military a few years back in “Men’s Health “. Alot of the men felt if they talked about it they would be called gay or look weak. It is a little said that this is the way society blames us.

  7. This is why I don’t take drinks from strangers I don’t care how cute or whatever unless I see the drink being made I’m not accepting it.

    I do have a confession about this type of situation, I actually have experienced rape from an ex, I don’t want to go into detail about it because I’m trying to get over it but yes just because you are erect does not mean you want it.

    Its really sad that our community, straight or lgbt, still struggles w/ talking about mental health, sexual violence, and etc. I really hope he gets the help he needs and this opens eyes, although I doubt it, to male rape victims and how fuckin’ important consent is.

  8. wow, great story. did not know Isiah had a son that was gay. interesting. He and Magic. There were rumors about them as eel. Anyway This is nothing new but happy to know with his initiative the story is out . Rape has no face. It fucks with Everyone. Anywhere. Anytime.

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