f0xmail: What I’ve Realized About Myself and The Career I’ve Chosen

largei got an interesting package from a reader i wanted to share.
one of the toughest decisions to make in life is your career.
from what you want to do after college.
what will make you happy and fulfilled.
you can spend many years in college and never use the degree you chased.
hell i know a few college grads who i’m making more money than.
…and that ain’t even a lot.
so when i got this f0xmail,
i wanted to share because i understand the struggle…

Jamari,

I have to testify for you this Sunday morning in hopes that it will inspire you and someone else.

I have literally been stressing so hard over jobs that I’ve had migraines the past two days.

One job is casework with psych patients released from jail on probation. I basically start with a caseload of 25 people and I have to spend 3 hours with them per month.

The other is me finding jobs tailored to people with mental disabilities that want to work, then grooming them for the job.

I got into a heated exchange with my father because of course he wants me to take the one that makes the most money. I had to passive aggressively go in on him and let him know I didn’t need anymore career advice from him.

His retort is always “Well you’re the one that majored in Psychology!” as if that’s means I deserve the shitty jobs because of a decision I made 6 years ago.

I realized I had subscribed to his way of thinking. Feeling like I had to make this work because I majored in Psychology. I’ve never had any aspirations to be a social worker and yet here I was looking at Masters Programs out of the blue.

I had to literally stop myself and ask out loud “Why”?

After praying for a sign earlier that day all of a sudden, I had a moment where I was honest with myself.

I’m a fairly self centered person. I think about ME! Sure I can be sympathetic to others and would help someone in need, but other than that I’m thinking about me, my needs, and my future. Why? Because I’m all I have.

I had no desire to exclusively help people for a living! I mean that’s cool if its a byproduct of my work, but I’m far from someone that wants to change the world.

I mean that is why people study social work, psychology, etc. right?

Not me! I studied Psychology to better understand myself.

Saying I wanted to help people was just some rehearsed answer for interviews.

The fact is I’ve never been willing to sacrifice my time, settle for lower pay, and no complete gratification from the final product.

I mean I admire those people, but that bad energy is often parasitic.

My idea job would be:

-autonomous
-computer driven
-flexible (able to work from home)
-Traveling
-Holidays and most weekends off
-Something that uses my organization skills and my attention to detail

I mean I’ve never been a people person. I can interact with people but its a necessary adjustment, just like I had to learn to deal with Psych patients.

I’m a chameleon that adjusts to the situation and the setbacks of that is you always tend to feel like you have to adjust to a situation, rather than find your ideal situation.

So I realized the reason why deciding between two jobs was so hard was because I wasn’t enthused by either position. In a perfect world I would reject both lol.

Maybe this was all apart of God’s design to make me see.

I am going to take one job offer and work on switching fields completely, ideally before I’m 30.

I said all that to say:

It’s amazing how we let people imprison us mentally to the point we even imprison ourselves. Wondering why we are in glass cells watching the world keep on turning and wondering why we’re not in it, all because we can’t admit the truth to ourselves smh

tumblr_lklezidDB11qav29fo1_r1_500…um how deep was this?
i know many can relate.
my hand just raised.
well this one is a legit personal decision.
i can say:

“well you need to do this…”

but i wouldn’t have to wake up in the morning to a potential ball and chain.
its not always about the money.
its mental health.
when you look down the road 5 years,
do you see yourself happy?
or do you see a potential nervous breakdown?
many people took a job with more money and committed suicide later on.
this is the predicament i’m in with the job i’m at now.
this job has me feeling suicidal.
i wont even lie to you.
i felt like i took something that was a much needed blessing,
but it turned out to be one big lie.
i’ve felt used and the respect just ain’t there.
now i’ve realized i’m ready to be a full time blogger and writer.
the transition is tough and the thought of being at that job for 5years…
tumblr_mzoscrvbTP1rkz3qco1_400so the same situation you are looking for is the same one i am.
don’t end up in my shoes reader.
this choice of yours is very stressful,
but choose the one that will:

1) makes you happy until you make your switch
2) allow you to get “unstuck” easily
3) gives you mental health/vacation days so you can re-energize
4) doesn’t have inconsiderate bosses and “fuck shit” employees

no job will be perfect.
there is “fuck shit” in everything.
every job or career out here has its “pros” and “cons”.
as blacks,
we will encounter our fair share as well.
our people can be the absolutely worse.
i’m def gonna send my prayers to you in hopes you make the best decision.
if the foxhole has any advice,
please leave it in the comments!

best,
jamari fox

advice < CONTACT

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

16 thoughts on “f0xmail: What I’ve Realized About Myself and The Career I’ve Chosen

  1. I can totally relate to this. Omg, and the intelligence of his words:

    “It’s amazing how we let people imprison us mentally to the point we even imprison ourselves. Wondering why we are in glass cells watching the world keep on turning and wondering why we’re not in it, all because we can’t admit the truth to ourselves smh”

    I’m blown away by that, wow! So fcuking true. You are so intelligent man. That was very poetic.

    I’m struggling with school atm. I’ve been switching majors since I started, and i should be finishing this year..,i finally found something I could do and it utilizes my skills, but its not my PASSION. luckily, all i need to do is get a certain amount of credits instead of being limited by prerequisites in this major, so i can finish quickly and go back to a college that specializes in creative and digital art. I had to take a year off to deal with some personal shit, so im taking this time to save up some money, get my fcking credit in order and go back and finish in fall. Just want my degree at this point.

    To the reader. Do what your passion is. Life is TOO DAMN SHORT man. You NEED to be happy with where you go every morning. Even if it means you have to go back to school, it may be worth it. Just get your finances in order and try to do a job that you can tolerate in the meantime man. Its not worth the stress.
    If you DO go with one of these jobs, just remember, its NOT FOREVER and it doesnt have to be.
    You too Jamari (and me too) ITS NOT FOREVER! Lets just keep telling ourselves that!
    Still better than being unemployed!

  2. If you didn’t hit the nail on the head with it is all about your mental health and not the money… I worked for CPS for 2 years and it was mentally and physically draining… I was not happy and the only thing that kept me was the money and the long-term benefits. I felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown so I found a job still in my social work field but working with the severe mentally ill making 5 dollars less on the hour. But guess what, I am happy and actually enjoy going to work. If your burnt out at your job then you will be no good to your clients and thats when I knew it was time for me to go. When money is your only motivator for staying at a job that you are not happy at is the same as selling your soul.

    1. I’ve never met anyone in any city that has good things to say about working at CPS.

      I’ve even heard about people getting attacked by the low down parents of abused kids. Smh.

      Hats off to you working in the social work field. Really a thankless job. I looked up the salaries for LCSW and I just can’t see a decent return on an investment in one. You have to love that field.

  3. The sad part about it is that it’s not the job but the PEOPLE. I love my job…I just think the ones running the show are incompetent and uncaring, and make it bad for those who are trying to give 100% to their job/career. They make going to work an unpleasant daily task.

    1. ^thats with my job as well.
      my old boss was great to work with.
      once they traded me in hell,
      i def saw how the people effected everything.
      that maybe the issue with most jobs.
      people who don’t know what the fuck they doing and making doofuses their favs.

  4. Y’all got me scared to graduate this fall man lol. I hope I’m lucky. As for the reader, you be alright man, you aren’t the only one going through pain when it comes to jobs. All I can really suggest is that you try to relax your mind and pray.

  5. I am the one that submitted this to Jamari. I came to this revelation after praying about it.

    I tell people that are about to graduate high school and get ready for college to REALLY evaluate why and what you want to go to college to study!

    Often times, if you come from a family like mine, you feel like you’re just supposed to go to college.

    I had no direction at all. I was smart, but I was fairly good in every subject and hadn’t really developed interests in anything specific.

    There is NOTHING wrong with taking basic college courses at a community college until you figure out what you want to major in. I promise you won’t miss out on that college experience. Universities are expensive and Sallie Mae doesn’t give a damn if you don’t have a job or you can’t find one in your field!

    If you’re about to finish undergrad and you know you want to go to Graduate school its best to go straight into that program. You naturally get complacent if you decide to take a break.

    Lastly, college isn’t for everybody!

    People out here in Real Estate and driving trucks making better money than people with graduate degrees!

    I’m going to accept a job offer and start preparing for my GMAT test next month and hopefully start an MBA program.

  6. I know people who went in undergrad for one major and entered a Masters program in another major. The reason they chose the other route was because they realized that they want to have nothing to do with the field they chose after getting a job in it. No amount of money can buy your peace of mind. I always tell people that. I also tell people who are in a rush to graduate college don’t be. Not to say stay in there forever and don’t take it seriously, but just savor the moment because it’s a monster out here. It took me about 2 months to find a job in my field and I’m almost 3 months in at my new job and evaluating if this is what I want to be doing for career. At the same point in time, I don’t want to disappoint my parents or seem like I can’t make up my mind about anything. I also have a BIG fear of hating my career. Like your family, not going to college wasnt an option. Nothing will mess you up more than thinking you’re supposed to have your life together in your 20s.

    P.S. I have my undergraduate degree in Psychology as well and Jay I’m glad I finally met someone who understands the struggle! Honestly!

    1. Ugh if I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have majored in Psychology or Id specifically go into industrial org psych.

      The field just isn’t taken very seriously and its underdeveloped job and salary wise.

      What is your job if you don’t mind me asking?

      1. I’m a Support Coordinator for a Case Management agency. I’ve been there two months already, and I’m already thinking I can’t do this for the rest of my life. It sounds so bad (at least to me). My 3 day training consisted of me reading a gigantic binder full of information and taking an open book 10 question quiz on each section I read. I basically learn as I go on the job and it changes everyday because the state constantly enforces new rules/regulations. Then I get in trouble or looked at funny when I don’t know something. It’s like YOU DIDNT TRAIN ME TO DO THIS! It’s a lot I can tell you, I’ll have to email you Jay. lol

  7. Money isn’t everything. I am at this point in life I want to be happy! I enjoy working with people that has mental health issues, but I am not going to be imprisoned in no form or fashion to a job. my lasted experience was moving to Baltimore, MD and working with a company that school children with issues. By the way 99% black and the one that I had to work with was off the chain. The approach to learning and teaching children with server behavioral problems has to be fine toned. Each child has to be looked at differently. IEP’s are done to make their learning experience work, but this was a joke. I left the job, because it would soon have been either myself or him being sent off to jail. Like I stated I enjoy helping people.

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