Jamari, I’m a big fan of your blog. I don’t really comment, but I enjoy the posts. I’ve always read your ‘Ask Jamari’ posts and find myself thinking ‘How do these foxes get into these situations’? I finally came to term that I have my own issues.
Long story short, I’m a discreet fox and I’m struggling to accept that my relationship with my boyfriend/best friend of 6 years is over. This shit is eating me up inside.
We were involved with each other since Senior year of high school, and we’ve been best friends since middle school. I’m 23, so he’s been apart of my life for a long time. We started growing apart during my Sophomore year of college – we both planned on joining fraternities but we never expressed interest in the same organization. He wanted to share in that experience of pledging with him, but I was a legacy of a different organization. I chose to uphold that and pledge my organization of choice on 2009.
Pledging my organization was one of the best personal decisions I aside for myself, and it is an honor to join the ranks of the men in my family. I didn’t realize it would be the beginning of the end for us though. After my probate on campus and spending time with the chapter, he got really distant. We’ve never been a ‘out’ couple (few people know about us) so it was hard to acknowledge his feelings. He always seemed jealous of my experience with my brothers and it affected our relationship. It was worse for him watching me be greek because the organization he wanted to join was suspended until this past August.
He pledged his organization this past Fall Semester. I supported him the entire time, which is something he never did for me. I wanted him to be happy and those processes are difficult. My graduation was in December so I wanted to see him finish. He crossed two weeks before graduation and I was happy. He got something that he wanted so badly and I was proud of him for not quitting.
Jamari. He broke up with me the morning of graduation…two weeks later. He told me that he needed to be seen with women and enjoy the perks of being ‘Greek’. Something he didn’t want me to do after I finished pledging. After all the support that I showed him, he told me that I wasn’t good enough for him. This wasn’t the same guy that I was best friends with, this wasn’t the same guy that I called my boyfriend.
This was almost four months ago and I don’t know how to regroup. I’m working post-graduation so I don’t see him often…but I support events that my chapter throws so I run into him a LOT. I can’t avoid him, but I can’t address my feelings because he won’t allow me to. I really don’t know what to say or do. I can’t talk to my fraternity brothers about it because they don’t know about me or the history of our relationship. I really just needed to vent and advice moving forward. I apologize for this ridiculously long post and I hope you can give me your thoughts.
thank you for the compliment frat-fox!!!
also big congrats on successfully pledging!!
listen, we all makes mistakes from time to time.
life shows us we are not immune to a fuck up… or six.
when we get into the right relationships,
ones that have someone else who also has goals,
we want to involve them in the things we do.
whether it is a fun night out,
joining forces on a project,
or finding a way to make bookoo money,
you make better moves when you are working as a duo.
look at will and duane.
bird man and weezy.
hell, batman and robin.
it’s only natural.
why would you only want to be the one hogging all the spotlight?
or being the only successful one?
we try to involve “him” in any way we know how.
that’s how relationships work.
successful ones at that.
so it can go one of two ways:
1. it works out.
2. someone gets jealous of the other’s success and things take a turn for the worse.
sounds like your wolf did the latter.
not only that,
you supported him when it was his turn (as a good fox should).
he made it… and then did the biggest asshole move on you.
6 years and he does some bullshit like that?!?!
oh hell naw.
see that kind of shit makes someone want to bust out windows,
and set things on fire.
you think you are helping,
but he ends up hurting you.
(i wonder how many celebs who get down have experienced this?)
i know you are hurt,
and it sucks having to see him all the time,
but think of it as a lesson learned.
he sounded like an emotional user and someone suffering from some fucked up self esteem.
think of it as god also sparing you some crazy shit happening in the future too.
what if you both decided to own a business and people gravitated towards you more?
decided to adopt a baby and he/she likes you better?
people with those kind of issues are never truly happy for you.
they wait until they can gain whatever from you and then:
listen your blessings will come back to you for being genuine.
well he has some “get back” that i’m sure he may not be able to handle.
remember what you do to people comes back to you ten fold.
be glad you won’t be there when it does.
don’t let him come back in when he has his tail between his legs either.
tell him find one of the same vixens he wanted to be seen with.