whenever you are at a transition in your life,
you end up at a bridge.
on the other side of the bridge is uncertainty.
we don’t know what will happen,
but we do know where we are isn’t working.
i believe when life gets uncomfortable,
you are pushed towards the bridge against your will.
so we end up with a few choices:

a – we slowly walk across the bridge to get to the other side
b – we turn back around and go back to what we are use to
c – we stay stagnant at the start of the bridge without crossing

but what happens when you are uncomfortably pushed towards a bridge…

can i font that i have a brand new hatred…

MOVING.

Lord have mercy,
i hate the entire process of moving.
thank God i had help from great people buuutttttttttt…

i think “game of thrones” ruined us.
every time a show is about to end or a season finale:

we are hoping characters die horrible deaths so we can find an excuse to cry.

that is kinda weird,
ain’t it?
instead of cheering on characters surviving to show us we can survive through uncertainty,
we are excited and looking forward to see people die in horrible ways.
not even deaths that make sense to the story either.

just killing characters off for the sake of our inner little (or big) psychopaths

it kinda explains why some of these folks voted for this new reality of chaos.
like sansa stark in “game of thrones”,
i was hoping no i liked died in this “stranger things” finale.
if they did die,
i hoped it was properly tied into the story like when eddie died.
anyhoo,
“stranger things” came to an end last night with the final episode.
i ended up watching it at around 2am and well…

i think i finally learned how to pray and have faith correctly.
it was always:

“God, I need this to happen.”
“God, I hope he wants to be with me.”
“God, Ima need that lottery win STAT.”

it came from a place of lack.
2025 was the year of the pivot for me.
so many things happened that i didn’t see coming.
and because of that,
i had to rearrange my life to suit the sudden changes.

as you know,
or maybe didn’t,
i didn’t think i’d be losing my home.

so for the last day of 2025,
i spent it with myself.
i chose myself because i’d have to learn to chose myself.
i made another decision that i’m not going to ask or beg God for what i need anymore…

i woke up with this on my spirit today.
something urged me to font because someone needed to read it.
maybe it was for me; maybe it’s for you.
this was the download:

“you don’t know”

because tbh…

grief.
i’ve noticed a lot of males don’t sit in their grief.
we were taught to be men!
we don’t feel sad or emotions!
we bottle them up until we explode or make us sick!

we do everything possible to distract ourselves from “feeling”.
one way i see gay males dealing with our grief:

FUCKIN’.

straight males like to act like they are above us,
but its the same shit with them in a different costume.
outside of fuckin’,
it could be other ways like:

buying shit to show we are happy
becoming a gym junkie
being mixxy out in the forests
the “drinkin’ and the druggin'”

…and other numbers of ways,
but i had to wonder…