this whole culture of:

“we hooked up and now i blocked you on grindr/jack’d/sniffies/whatever else”…

…Foxhole,
i keep fonting that this current hook up culture is for the morons.
i see why so many of us are single and the straights of gen z are sexless.
we claim we want to be in relationships but we meet potentials but fuck first; ask questions later.
so because we didn’t communicate what we actually wanted,
we default to the block on where we met em.
not even because it was scary or weird either.
just someone who found us attractive and wanted to know more after.
yup!
that’ll teach em!

like,
really think about it:

we are blocking people after one hook up,
even if the connection went really well.
are we stupid?

i saw a post on reddit and felt empathy over the situation.
it went like this…

i hate when people who don’t want kids are continuously asked why they don’t want kids,
like certain childless celebs or people who get continuously asked by their parents or relatives.

BECAUSE THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE THEM OR DON’T WANT THEM.

not everyone’s desire is to be a parent.
better yet,
some people can’t have kids because their bawdies won’t allow them to.
that can be very insulting and nasty especially from parents.

“when you gonna get me some grand babies?”,
like,
you weren’t even a good parent to me so why would i leave my child with you,
ya insufferable bitch.

Foxhole,
don’t go sayin’ that to your mother cause she may slap you.
i was thinking to myself yesterday:

“at no point in my life have i ever wanted to be a dad.”

i have never felt the urgency for fatherhood.
i see cute kids all the time,
and many of my friends have adorable kids but…

from the time i was young,
i was always moving from one place to another.
something would happen just when i thought we found a home.
we would stay with someone until we found our “temporary” home again.
i font temporary because we’d be there for a few years.

until…

when we finally found a forever home,
when i finally felt safe,
my mother died three years into it.
those three years were peaceful and that home was wonderful.
that’s why that “jlo” album takes me back there.
it came out around a time when we felt like we touched solid ground.

until…

so i worked my ass off until i could get my forever home.
a home i stayed in for over fifteen years because it felt like safety.
i’ve lost that and like the familiar from when i was young
i’m a guest in someone’s space.
adjusting to unsaid rules; learning new rhythms and moods.
honestly…

“you have had a hard life.”

my uncle said that to me during a recent catch-up.
for once,
i felt seen by a grown adult in my family.
some of my other family members ignores their trauma with religion.
i think it’s easier for him because he watched from the outside.
my mother and him were the rebellious ones; they bounced.
they didn’t stay to deal with what we dealt with.
something clicked after he said it because my whole life,
i’ve been yearning for an easier and softer life.
i think i’ve been lucky,
but luck always came wrapped in bullshit.
on top of that:

i had my own hurt slowing me down.

right now,
i’m being forced to process something from when i was 7 or 8.
a moment that unlocked everything…

after the jill scott x erykah badu “verzuz” when we were locked down in the rona,
someone defined them as:

“jill’s music is thank you for the experience.
erykah’s music is thank you for experiencing me.”

that continues to live rent free in my head.
jill scott had an interview with angie martinez that also lives rent free in my head.
she touched on a lot of points.

one point she brought up bought up the whole building in my head.

“dom/sub“ (dominant submissive)

that is what jill described herself as.
the first part is how you move through the forests,
while the second part is how you want to feel in love/sex.
a “dom/sub“ is…

some vixens drive me crazy with this shit…

so as you know,
or didn’t,
i was displaced out of my home of over 15+ years.
i’m in a whole new forest,
temporarily(?),
as i get back on all my paws.
Foxhole:

the males here are FINE.

we will font about them when i start mingling.
i don’t want to shit where i eat buttttttttttttt:

ima be strategic with my mouth and hole.

anyhoo,
a vixen started talking to me yesterday and was filling me in.
so there is a gay male that is really poppin’ on socials here.
so she gonna ask me if the males in his videos are also gay.

strike 1

so i said i don’t know,
and even if i did,
that’s not my story to tell.
this is what she gonna say to me in response…