nowadays,
corny for me is:

the over saturation of the self absorbed.

it’s the posing,
lightweight advertising,
but having absolutely no other redeemable traits outside of that.
worst of all:

using sex to sell an OF,
promoting private videos for sale,
and scamming…

…and got the audacity to be rude in DMS.

like,
what?
many of the vixens have a corniness to them too.

posing half naked,
showing and throwing ass,
getting pregnant,
and confused why they’re fucked and dumped for someone doing less than that.

anyone using body parts and sex can attract anyone.
none of these people are keeping em past a few months,
lucky if they go a year.
i learned very quickly after the following i find baller wolf,
russell wilson,
to be extremely sexy when many people have labeled him as “corny”…

who is the safe space for the safe space?

yesterday,
i met up with someone here for the second time.
we met during the super bowl party and she latched onto me heavy.
she seems really cool,
but i’m learning to keep my distance until i feel safe.
that’s either the cancer or the hurt i haven’t fully let go of in me.
we went to take a walk since it was nice outside,
but she had to run back to her place to get something.
when we got there,
i stayed outside and waited for her to come back out.
she told me to come in.

“are you sure?” i asked.

“yeah, come on in.” she responded.

so i did and then i saw…

after a long dry spell,
and a few people who came in too fast and disappeared just as quickly,
i’m re-learning how to open up again while being emotionally sore.

on super bowl sunday,
i was invited to a party at this new place i’m in.
i’ve been here about a month now and i’ve started mingling.
well tbh,
people started mingling with me.
one thing about me is:

people want access to me and get comfortable fast.

i don’t know if it’s my energy,
my softness,
or the way i make people feel safe but it happens.

so i met a straight couple downstairs last week,
and after about an hour of talking,
they told me to come through to this party they were having.
honestly?
it was so much fun.
being around new people reminded me of who i am,
how easily i connect,
and how much i enjoy meeting new wolves…
uh,
people.
meeting new people.

after the high has come down,
i find myself paused on all of it at 411am…

“where else are you gonna find an apartment in new yawk for 1700?
tell me that?
you can’t.”

that was one of the last things the landlord said to me.
i’ve noticed jackals and hyenas think they are cursing you,
but it actually turns into God actually blessing you.

isn’t that a verse in the Bible?

i’ve grown up in the new yawk forest for a long time.
there have been numerous friends,
and numerous Foxholers,
over the years that told me it was time to leave and find a new place.
comfort had me stuck but once i was forced to move,
and displaced in an entirely new forest,
i see what they were talking and fonting about.

i made the decision that i’m gonna leave the new yawk forest.
i’m still close but i’m not in the thick of it anymore.

in the complex that a friend opened their doors to me,
i went to look into seeing if i can relocate here today.
i really like it here and it fits the place i can call home.
the interesting part about how much i would need to get in here tho…

…emotionally tho,
it’s been a big yikes.
as much fun as sexy wolves are:

my mentals have been all over the place.

if “faking it til you make it” was a competition,
i’d win a platinum medal.
that has been faking a smile when i’d rather say fuck everyone.
i’ve literally been the entire “after laughter” album from paramore.

when you are staying at someone else’s crib tho,
you gotta fake it as much as possibly you can.
you don’t want to give them the impression you are ungrateful.
i have been enjoying making sure dishes are washed,
trash is taken out,
products i use gets replaced,
and everything is order before they get home.
that is one of the many things i learned from Mum and even Star Fox…

i don’t know what i was doing when he caught my attention.
i think i was being shown around when i saw him downstairs.
it was his facial first but then it was his sleeve once i started seeing him more often.

it was the biceps that the sleeves are attached that sealed the deal for me.

he is fine AF and drives a really nice car too.
lately,
i seem to run into him on accident.
tbh,
he isn’t even the finest one i’ve peeped here.
there is another one who i’ve caught his attention as well.

tall
dark
handsome
lean bawdy

i saw him one day in workout pants and nearly lost it.
yesterday,
i saw that he can’t even contain his ass in his jeans and he wasn’t even sagging.
you know the type of backside i’m fontin’ about.
he ain’t the finest one either.
then there was the one with the white vixen getting out a mercedes coupe…
listen,
i been put in the best position right now.

the new meat on the block.

that means i get to be anyone i want other than who i use to be.
i made a decision to myself last night that as horny as i am…