Broken Hearts Leave Stains (Try Wearing Red)

besos-cool-dark-forest-Favim.com-2725066i am not a hoe.
i.
am.
not.
a.
hoe.
now i have “ho-like” tendencies,
but you already knew this.
if you are going to try and pass me off as a street walker,
i do require 100% of all profits i generate.
it’s cold and daddy needs a new long johns!
room,
board,
and a fancy new wardrobe is also required.
i don’t “do” an episode of “hooker at the point”.
oh…
“bigger and blacker” = your american express.
i’m worth it.
don’t be cheap.
so not attractive.
whew.
i needed to get that off my chest.

Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 7.45.13 AM

okay,
back to the real point of this early morning entry.
lets talk about your heart.
some have forgotten where that is located.
you know,
since the thermostat is all the way down to “sled dog’s tits”.
for those who “feel” the bad shit that happens to them,
it is never fun to have your heart broken.
now…

getting your heart broken isn’t because some asshole cheated on you,
turned your apartment into a brothel while you were at work,
and then had the nerve to use your toothbrush in the morning.

tumblr_m39gpgUhpV1r7ifqvi know.
ew.

family can break your heart
friends can break your heart
“card only discounts” can break you heart

you can have your heart broken when you expect something,
from anyone or anything,
and the complete opposite soul fucks your ass with no lube.
that being said,
my heart is broken.
it feels like it has been ripped out my chest.
i can admit it.
that is “now playing” on my 2016 playlist.
as well as songs like:

“broken hearted” brandy
“not got’ cry” mary j blige
“what goes around comes back back around” justin timblerlake
any my personal favorite:
“fuck you” by ceelo green

tumblr_inline_mr8blhvnVT1qz4rgpit isn’t a trip to disney world when i see my “friend” treating me like dirt.
like,
the cold shoulder?
come on!
at least cuss me out and say my mamma is sucking dicks in hell.
no amount of dick or distractions can make you say:

“well damn…
i really appreciated you in my life.
we had good times.
you really showed me every inch on your natural black ass”

a nice ass,
nonetheless,
but still fucked up in the way the ass is being presented.

jamari fox is an emotional animal.
i know this.
you know this.
i still cry when scar kills mufasa in “the lion king”.
i’ve learned to press “fast forward” on that part.
i’m growing.
even though i can be a he bitch with the feelz,
i’m not into beef or drama of any kind with animals i sorta gave a shit about.
i’m also not into getting “blacklisted” when I did nothing wrong.
you listened to what someone else said,
didn’t come ask me about it,
and just assumed it as truth.
not even realizing that they played you.

“well you should have seen it coming jamari.”

tumblr_mui0d195By1qeihbqo1_500no,
i see nut about to go into my eye cumming.
i went into the situation as a friend,
full time crush,
part time dumb animal,
and simply expected better.
that is what i didn’t see coming.
well i shoulda known how he did vixens,
he would eventually “did” me.
he cuts them off with no explanation and leaves them in a frenzy.
jamari fox meet “frenzy”.
i always got a response and emotional hate sex tho.
this time,
it’s totally different.
no response.
i’ll never give him the privilege of seeing me sad tho.
i’m might be some things,
but “lookin’ destroyed because of a wolf” ain’t gonna be one of them.
i’m just hurt by what has gone down,
but guess what?

that is o-fuckin-k

when i rise above and full accept all his “cons”,
i will be over it.
as of right now,
i’m allowed to feel like a steaming pile of over cooked cow shit.
i said “feel”,
not “smell”.
if you don’t like it,
or feel its repetitive,
then i beg of you please…
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
do something about those pants you got on.
d9acbac66fc3c0f496b77cf00791d7ea

they are all talking about why you wore “those” again today.
i know.
animals suck.
although they make your ass look bigger,
its time you retired them.
seriously.

so i’ve got the broom,
dust pan,
and lysol with bleach.
i’m cleaning up my vibration to help me understand.
i don’t know wtf is going on at this moment,
but i will soon get it.

low-key: on a lighter tip,
i’m reaching the “repulsed by him” portion of the programming.
that part means “i wouldn’t pee on him if he was on fire”.
i would be a liar to say i don’t miss him and our witty banter…

4e137230-0157-0132-6fe8-0add9426c766

#judgemenot

thanks to all the foxholers that reached out to me.

Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

24 thoughts on “Broken Hearts Leave Stains (Try Wearing Red)

  1. Nah. No judgement bro. You’re grieving the loss of a friendship. Go through it Jamari. You will be a stronger man because of it.

  2. What a coincident I like my dicks and cards “bigger and blacker”. But no seriously I was right about one thing tho, he fucked you. He fucked with your emotions and your heart, I was hoping for a different kind of fucking, you know, the one that involves a dick sliding in n out of the ass? At last he did what he done with other vixens, he ignored them.

    I hope you see it’s him and not you. You will find and make better friends while he will be stuck in the same routine of meeting a vixen o fox, play with their emotion, fuck with them and leave them with no explanation and at some point he will end up alone with no one by his side to catch him. And it will be too late became good-looks don’t last forever and he burned too many bridges.

    1. ^im learning he is the issue.
      not me.
      everything that happens is him.
      i may have liked him,
      or even loved him,
      but i always had his back.
      you could never say i wasn’t a friend to him.
      it will ultimately be his loss.

  3. It gets better and I hope you take all these life lessons with you for the next Straight wolf that enter your life.

  4. You don’t have to explain yourself or your actions( even tho I know you’re getting your feelings out). This journey you’ve had in the past year has been an intense one, as it has been stated before this blog isn’t just for us foxholders to get insight and entertainment. This is YOUR space to post YOUR thoughts ( be it positive, negative, or what ever) this is your diary to share whatever, if some foxholders have a problem with that its on them not you.

    Keep your head up take the lesson you’re learned from this and remember them when you meet another person wanting your friendship. I wanted things to work out for you two but you seem really over it in the past week or two. Like I’ve already said whatever you decide just know you have friends here in the foxhole who have your back.

    1. ^if he ever comes back,
      im open to speaking with him about it.
      if not,
      life will go on.
      i won’t hold bitterness in my heart over another.
      it’s not that serious.
      im not mad anymore.
      the feelings of depression are leaving.
      im ready to press on and be the fox im supposed to be.

  5. I think everybody has one thing that REALLY pisses them off or hurts, that may seem trivial to others. Yours is a pretty common one and WW always use it on people.

    I know mines is when someone takes or borrow something without asking, even something small. Irritates me to the soul, I’m tellin you. I’m too nice, I know this and people around me do, been trying to figure out what I do that makes pineapples think this. If you ask me for something and I have more I’ll most likely give it to you, so why not ask.

  6. J you did the best you could, you went above and beyond. Some people just don’t Appreciate real friendship, they treat their superfical friends and Acquaintances like they walk on water yet treat a real friend like a groupie or fan in their fan club. As you cut the cord on him make sure you never let on how broken hearted you are over him. Never let him realize he has any effect over your mood. Otherwise he will feel he can keep on playing these head games with you because it affects you more than it affects him. Sometimes people use the silent treatment and play the ignore game as a form of abuse or punishment. Then want to just step back in your life like nothing happend when they feel like they need some attention from a fan/groupie who wants to be their friend. Like I said once before I don’t think he does these things on purpose it is just apart of his nature. he might want a friendship with you on his terms but he doesn’t know how to return the friendship unless it’s to his benefit. Maybe the buying and gifting was to cover his lack of knowing how to actually be a real friend.

    1. ^paul I love your comments.
      you already know the deal.
      you are spot on.

      I will never…
      EVER…
      EVVVVEEERRRRRR…
      let him know he affected me.
      he has some kind of control issue and walls up.
      he is a ball of confusion and im sure he knows he is wrong.

      it’s funny how you were right about him not knowing to be a friend.
      he said many times he was happy I was in his life,
      but then he does this???

  7. I have been following you for a while now. I’ll be honest. I heard that a celebrity dick had been leaked and when I Googled it, your blog came up. However, as an avid reader, I kept.coming back because you have some extremely poignant insights into human nature and behavior.

    I told you a while ago that your voice is appreciated and needed. I hate that the relationship with work wolf ended the way it did. I’m glad that the stress involved with maintaining that relationship will soon be a thing of the past.

    I know there are those who are questioning why you are “tripping” over a friendship. They obviously don’t understand the “evolved mentality” that comes with being a fox. The body, mind and temperament of a Male coupled with the sly, intriguing inner workings of a Female. We are the total package baby!!!! Get yo L.I.F.E!!!
    For us, it can be difficult to keep feelings under control. It is VERY easy to get too close to someone who accepts us for us. Been there, bought the T-shirt and went back to get another one when the first one wore out.

    Until the One arrives, this will not be the last time that you are attracted to or develop a crush on a straight male sending mixed signals. It happens……..a lot.

    One thing I truly respect and like about you is the fact that you don’t lie to yourself; you don’t live in a fantasy world where only good things happen. Shyt happens, and you deal with it the best way you know how while keeping your audience informed every step of the way.

    Keep living and growing Brother Fox; I am invested in knowing where you end up.

    Peace and Blessings😘

  8. Aw man. I’m sorry he did you like that. Hopefully you can just go through the motions and come out a stronger individual. As a suggestion, even if he does come back, don’t let that fool no where near as close to your heart as he got before. He doesn’t deserve such a bright spirit if he is just going to dim it. Keep it cordial and keep it moving. Every friend has a reason and a season and his season has definitely expired.

  9. This entire scenario is T-I-R-E-D! A tired cliché!!!!!!!! GAY boy falls for STRAIGHT boy! I mean, DAYUUUUM! With THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of gay men in NYC, why do you give your heart to a STRAIGHT boy? That question is rhetorical, ’cause I KNOW the answer: your LOW SELF-ESTEEM won’t allow you to fall in love with a gay guy. You LIKE feeling bad! You’re as addicted to it as Robert DeNiro is to black women!!!! You’re the obese girl who claims to EVERYBODY she wants to lose weight but ONLY eats her meals at KRISPY KREME! You THRIVE on heartache and pain! You feel GOOD by feeling BAD! The boy has done NOTHING “wrong” to you. He’s simply living HIS life. He wanted a FRIEND in you. You wanted a LOVER in him. And all the “nice” things you did “for” him were FAR from nice. Every kind deed you showed him was designed to get him to love YOU the way you love HIM!! That’s called CONNIVING! TRICKERY! MANIPULATIVE! But, in this wonderful world of ours, you can RARELY play a PLAYER! You’re writing VOLUMES of “Cry Me A River” tomes about how bad you feel while HE is out LIVING…HIS…LIFE!!!! Jamari, based upon everything you’ve written about this situation, I know you DON’T believe what I’m about to say, but you ARE WORTHY of a reciprocal love with a GAY man! Or WOLF. Or whatever sophomoric name you use to call men. So, ENOUGH with this “work wolf” narrative. It’s not ENLIGHTENING! It’s not INSPIRATIONAL! It’s not even ENTERTAINING! It’s simply PATHETIC! So, pick yourself UP, dust yourself OFF, find yourself a GAY WOLF, then TOGETHER, go out there and HAPPILY HOWL at the MOON!

    1. I love you Jamari but this comment right here from mrsmithwesson hit the bull’s eye. Brother is correct. Life is short. Live it to the fullest. Go find a real gay man. Stop living in your head…it will eventually drive you into depression or just plain coo coo for Coco Pops. Hell you sound obsessed already. You write this same shit over and over and over. Look we all fall in love with the wrong people. Read my blog and search for Oliver. I went through the same thing and it took me a month to jettison that jerk. Five years later we are still friends but I dont even find him attrative anymore. Some advice (which you wont take cuz you love misery).Get therapy. Repeat. Get therapy to figure out why you sell yourself short. Try volunteering — there are several homeless shelters in NYC including ones for homeless gay youth. The more you give yourself to others the more you will realize your problems really aren’t that big. There are folks out there with nothing. Your comments about not being a hoe and American Express (in response to my earlier comments that you really need some dick) I can analyze that all day.
      You sound like a straight up shallow materialistic gold digger. You must really have Boi pussy lined with platinum and diamonds. You should get a better job and make your own coins and improve yourself. Once you do you will put out healthier energy and attract better people. Cuz WW is charming nut he really ain’t shit. Hell he ain’t even gay he just likes playing with gay boys. Well one gay boy. But hey if you like wallowing in that that’s your kink. Imma take a break from this blog for awhile.

  10. You know why I come to this blog daily? The entries are funny and informative, but the writer is honest about his own story. There is nothing more refreshing than honesty and reading about someone who isn’t perfect on paper. This world is filled with sycophants who make a show of appearing to be together. At this moment, this is his truth. A couple years ago, he was unemployed and took us through his struggle with finding a job. After that, it was losing his friend and moving his cousin in, only to have her turn on him. That is real shit. Whatever the situation was with that guy, Jamari Fox expressed his feelings to the entire world. That is brave, admirable, and left us open with our own stories.

    Jamari Fox – it didn’t work out. You don’t see it now, but you will understand in the future. The way you are handling it is healthy and creative. As a writer, you will always have critics who won’t understand what you are going through. They’ll think you’re making critical life mistakes and your feelings shouldn’t be expressed. Bullshit. This is what makes an excellent writer. Someone who is willing to get naked and show their scars and flaws.

    I predict things will work out for you on the career front. You have good karma coming your way. Always keep being honest and raw with us. You have fans who understand and are cheering you on. You never know who is reading your story and will propel you to the next level. I look forward to the next adventures, good or bad, that you have in store.

  11. I don’t know if you remember me telling you about my work wolf situation. I was going thru the same thing your going through now, sad to say I was obsessed with him at one time. I’ve been thinking about him for awhile now, then he randomly hits me up and invites me out to club hop with some friends yesterday, I haven’t seen him in close to 3-4 years. When I saw him again, the feelings were completly gone. I had fun with him. He even told me he loves me and really missed me. Literally 5 seconds later this sprinkle of jesus app I have on my iPhone sends me a notification that said “Just because you miss someone doesn’t mean they belong in your life”. I thought I was so in love with him at one time, but I was lonely and going thru my own personal issues.

    Your dealing a lot right now Jamari, and I’ve been in your shoes before. I promise you 2 things

    1. It’s not work wolf that’s causing this tornado of emotions.
    2. Your going to get over him, we are to young to know what love is. We have to love ourselves first to even get a clue.

    You have brighter days ahead, don’t let this get your down.

  12. “How can you lose someone who was NEVER yours to begin with?”

    This quote stayed with me for a long time after I experienced lost from ex lovers
    (and even friends). Some people are fortunate to experience some of life’s lessons
    at a minimal cost to their heart, body and soul. But if you’re like me, you walked away
    heavily bruised, scarred, mentally damaged, but not broken.
    After experiencing these loses, I found that “time” became my best friend.
    By hanging out with “time” the days, weeks and months rolled by and took a great
    amount of the pain along with it. Now I’m wiser and grateful for the lesson – even though
    the cost of those lessons came at a high price.

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