i wasn’t going to write this,
but i said why not?
i share pretty much everything with the foxhole.
the good and the bad.
things i’m sure people side eye me for.
why stop now?
i’d rather vent my craziness,
then bottle it up inside.
so here goes…
so on friday i was good.
i didn’t think about work wolf at all.
i worked on some projects and even got some overtime.
sweet!
i was doing me completely heavy.
by saturday,
things changed.
i started to think about him gradually.
i told myself i wasn’t gonna send any texts or calls.
i would just try to relax on this long weekend i have.
well the universe had other plans.
i started to see his name damn near everywhere.
in the magazines i was reading,
different online articles,
or tv shows/movies i watched.
when i was doing laundry on sunday,
this older vixen was randomly calling out his name.
she was callin her cub from across the room.
i was in a pure state of “what the almighty fuck?”.
i knew i was buggin’ out when i started to smell his scent around me.
like i literally could smell him randomly laying in bed.
i had to ask myself…
Is Work Wolf haunting me?
maybe i need to pray?
i’m sure he isn’t even thinking about me this weekend.
i can only imagine he is with some vixen screwing her brains out.
i’m here being overwhelmed by his presence.
i spoke to ( x the vixen who met him) and told her how i felt bad for feeling like this.
“why do you feel bad?”
“because i like him and i know thats not the ‘right’ answer.”
thats when she sorta let me have it:
“there is no right answer in life.
you like him.
shit happens.
big deal.
there are plenty of straight wolves who are crushing on their vixen friends.
no one says anything about them.
thats supposed to be the ‘right’ thing.
stop beating yourself up because you like him.
you can’t help who you are attracted to.
if it makes you feel any better,
i’m convinced he likes you and i’m sure he is struggling as well.
that wolf is weird.”
…i still hate it,
but she has a point.
bad enough i have 25 dollars to my name.
that is going to lunch and the mta until i get paid again.
i might have to ask the same work wolf to buy me lunch.
all my people either left the city or are equally as “in between blessings”.
so i’m stuck in my crib with a work wolf on my mind.
did i mention the hot water is off in my building?
great.
on lighter news,
there are a lot of great additions on netflix.
*shrug*
lowkey: thank god for the foxhole.
it allows me to speak my mind and give it to god in the end.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jWvAe1turM
I agree with everyone else and say you hit him up to check up on him. Pull out that ps4 and relax.
You have never had contact with him on the weekend.I believe he stays in a halfway house with no phone privileges😀 Just Kidding
Don’t forget premiere of LHH Hollywood is tonight.I will watch the show for the first time to see Milan Christopher and Miles.NY Post has an interview with Milan he says the rumors about the other guys not wanting to film with him are false.
^lol @ halfway house.
i don’t even know if I even want to
watch that shit now.
Don’t ignore his text. Act like it doesn’t bother you..just respond slow..stay focused in the Phoenix rising. This is how he pulls you back…you get an attitude and then he gives you more attention. He controls you when you do this
^you are right.
now how do you mean respond slow?
Or….he could have a boyfriend who doesn’t let him out the house and bangs his back out . Jamar let’s him feel like a man..lol
You’ll film with anybody for that check. Hell I’ll ride a turtle if they paid me
Jamari I think almost everyone that comments including myself knows he likes you. Your friend who saw you’ll interact with each other knows he likes you. So I have to ask a question, how long do you think that you will keep this up with him? Also if work wolf says he wants to take it further with you would you be open to being in a sexual relationship with him?
^i would have to be straight up honest what I expect.
question is:
could be handle it?
plus I don’t want to be the blow up
doll to him.
maybe we connect so much because we are drawn to each other and there is no sex.
he seems to chase that until he gets it and moves on.
also he never texted me back so it’s whatever at this point.
You’ve done your part phoenix..now enjoy your day. Go to that park and read or take a walk.
^yeah t.
a side of me wants to ignore his texts for a while.
all depends on how I feel.
today i feel that way.
it could change when i get to work.
I feel you Jamari. I also think you and him not talking on weekends should be addressed. I think him chilling at your spot or you going to his will be the only way you can see how you’ll relationship will play out until then you guys relationship will stay the same and you will continue to feel confused and frustrated about him.
I am a bit confused now, Do you have more of a physical or emotional attraction to Work wolf? and Honestly you could have just been bored considering your situation at the moment, Work wolf is just an easy way to kill time and he’s kind of an experiment on his own.
But your friend is right, he screams closet case, it’s so funny because as openly gay people we tend to have so much doubt when dealing with these kind of people that it shrouds our good jugement.
I think you should be past the threshold of wondering what you can do with him because he’s “straight” now it’s basically more of a game of knowing what you can do with him because he’s not ready to admit he’s not straight. You don’t want to offend him of course, the closet is a sensitive place.
Good luck!
^i can admit both d.
i tried to play the “I got this” role,
and it started off purely physical,
but i like that wolf.
no sense in hiding.
the problem is that in liking him,
i also don’t like some of the shit he does.
so it’s a constant back and forth.
i can’t wait until another wolf is introduced into my life.
you are right tho.
People are different. Me and my dude love each other but we both dislike certain things the other does but it doesn’t mean we dis count the many other things that makes us lover each other. We just start doing the things we dislike a little less
^very true.
my options are always still open,
but ill also keep the door open for him as well.
Jamari did you ever watch Noahs Arc? (the only black gay tv show ever) cause honestly your situation kind of mirrors Wade and Noah’s situation completely. The work connection, The “straight” friend who shows his gay friend affection, The telling you about his hetero-sex life.
I cant believe I didn’t see this before….
^i watched,
but wade eventually came out to noah.
granted it was after a ruined 3 way lol…
wade seemed comfortable.
work wolf seems confused.
it’s always a back and forth with him.
I could see the similarities tho.
Maybe the answer lies in a 3some. Lol
Wade waa only comfortable when he and Noah were alone in one of their apartments. He later became comfortable in public because when love is real you don’t care who knows.
Confused is such a funny term, cause the reality is he’s not confused, He knows he likes dick, He’s in denial.
A lot of us have been there before, society can make it hard for you to accept yourself and be comfortable with a life other than the typical hetero-blueprint.
So the real question here is, can you help him overcome his denial in anyway? Cause that’s whats really slowing this process down.
How can he become more comfortable with who he is? How will he shake off a lifetime of stigma?
^ill always be there for him,
but it seems like this will take a minute.
honestly the answers to your questions lie within him.
i can do everything,
but if a pineapple ain’t ready,
there is nothing I can do to speed this up.
I agree with you Jamari, ultimately it’s his life, but as someone who has been here before don’t devalue the role you have here cause it’s important.
He’s never going to understand himself if he’s only exposed to the hetero-normative lifestyle and culture he is in now, I’m not saying drag him out to a pride parade but for a lot of closeted gays a big issue is that they don’t see themselves represented positively ever.
He needs a friend like you who can show them that we can have normal lives, That we are normal people, That our love and friendship is just as valid. He probably doesn’t even view living as his true self to be an option.
It’s just my opinion, but I do think you have to be more firm and more blatant with him. No more games, No more riddles.
Oh…and stop living in your head…get out and enjoy all the space and freedom in the world..I’m sure it’s cramped up there
^thats where I get my best ideas
lol
jk
i was gonna take a walk today.
probably go sit in the park or something.
hell that all I can afford right now.
sunshine and grass lol
Invite him. But you creating things in your head that he’s doing. He talk so much he probably not fuckin anybody. Start asking for more of his time aa his friend and watch what happens. Either he will always want to be with you and enjoy it or you will start to not lIke him at all. Both will be telling and the next step to resolve your feelings
^wow tony.
i really liked how you helped me see this whole situation in another way.
thank you for this.
it helped a lot.
No problem. I’ve been in your shoes. When I finally did it…we been together a year after 2 years of this same game. At first I was like I don’t think I like him but then he fell in love with me and started doing things that made me fall back in love. Either way you will either get over him and learn what you and he really want or realize yall are good for each other in ways no one else can touch
^update: he hasn’t texted me back yet.
He will. If he’s like most he’s drunk and passed out. Relax and chill. Don’t watch your phone. This is just a step to finally figuring it all out.
^im here reading up on phoenix.
i did my part so what’s to be will be.
My thought. If he waa on your mind you shoulda jyst text him and say..what’s up. U crossed my mind just makin sure u good. And then see if he wanted to come over and drink…what’s the worst that could happen…
^ill text him later and see what’s up.
Good. He might drop everything and come…thats tellin but also u open up your friendship outside monday thru friday. Text him now and see what he’s doing today and ask how his weekend was
^aight i just sent a text so i’ll see wassup…
Good. Keep me posted