Have you ever found yourself looking back at someone you swore you were over?
Because,
well,
I did.
I shouldn’t have,
but curiosity got the best of me last night.

lately,
he’s been dominating my thoughts out of nowhere.
not just that,
but i’ve been seeing his name everywhere.
there was a time when just thinking about him would cause me pain.
my stomach would hurt and i’d feel like i’d want to vomit.
i had a hunger and craving of him filling me up.
after a friend casually mentioned him out of nowhere,
i started to wonder:

Was it all a coincidence?

so,
i went and looked…

…and honestly?
I wasn’t as impressed as I thought i’d be.

he looked fine,
just okay.
he’s with someone new now and while they seemed close,
like best friends even,
i didn’t feel the pain that i used to.
no feeling tied up and being whipped emotionally because he controlled me.

he just looked like someone i once knew.

Someone who missed out on the best thing in his life.
Someone who maybe still has the same insecurities.
Someone who, let’s be real, probably couldn’t meet my needs anymore.

there’s always that tiny voice that says,
“what if he reached out?”,
but honestly?
i’m happy with where i am now.
the chaos he used to stir in me is not there anymore.

WW3 doesn’t hold me captive anymore.

…and that’s when i realized that i’ve healed.
even though i went and looked back,
i’m still moving forward.