insecurity makes us create stories as explanations.
when we are insecure about something,
we try to throw others off the scent with an elaborate tale.
it never worked because it always comes back to bite you in both cheeks.
your old tales have a way of catching up with your new ones.
when i was insecure about certain things,
i’d explain myself in a way that i thought would make me look good.
in actuality,
it brought more guilt down on my head.
the entry i wrote yesterday about being married/having kids led a foxholer to ask me this:

“Jamari, it would be great to create a post on how to respond to these unwelcomed dating inquiries and hear how others would respond.”

and i have just the response for everyone that works for me…

i don’t have anyone asking me why i’m single these days,
but if i did,
my response would be:

“Cause I want to be.”

simple and to the point in my sarcastic fashion.
i had a friend say to me last year:

“I don’t want you having to look down the road and seeing you’re alone at an older age.
You’re by yourself with no one.
You need to get on the dating apps and find someone.”

my response:

“I’m bothered that you didn’t say I hope you’re successful at an older age,
but your biggest concern is if I’m with a man.
I’ll add ‘find a man’ to the list of priorities over finding success then.”

if you want to be a real asshole:

“I’m really concerned that you’re not married with no kids.”

“I’m really concerned that your last 3 relationships haven’t worked within 2 years.
You might need to stop worrying about me.”

my mother has passed away,
but if she asked me:

“When are you gonna get me some grandbabies?”

“Mum,
do you know how expensive children are?
You barely could afford my sister and I.“

children are expensive so thats a lie.
if you really want to give an explanation:

“I’m single because I haven’t found anyone to move the meter.
I’m doing me and I’m good.
If I feel like I’m not good anymore,
I’ll ask you to help me.
Cool?”

…aka mind your business.

the best answers are usually the shortest ones.
no stories or full explanations.
turning the question back on the person helps too.
it’s really no one’s business how you live your life tbh.
everyone loves to keep their own shit under wraps but overly concerned with your shit.
start training people to understand a smart-ass response will come from you.
they’ll get the picture.