4.3.21

foxhole,
this weekend has been legit hell for me.
imagine it being good friday and shit wasn’t good.
i had book club stuff to do,
edits to the podcast,
and i had to write some entries.
it seemed God had other plans for me and it wasn’t good…

i woke up friday and i was good,
but throughout the day,
my neck/shoulder on my left side started to hurt.
it was hard for me to turn my head or make slight movements.
by nighttime,
it was bad as hell.
i didn’t sleep all night.
literally,
i was up the whole night in pain as i watched the clock.
every position i tried to sleep in did not work.

on saturday morning,
i woke up and i couldn’t even move my head.

Thats when the panic attack happened.

none of the pills i took worked and there was no relief to the pain.
for whatever reason,
it felt the walls were closing in on me.
i felt stuffy,
hot,
couldn’t breathe,
and my legs started to give out shortly after.
all i know is that one minute i was on the couch and the next i was on the floor.

When I got up off the floor and sat back on the couch,
I noticed that I was covered in blood.

blood was everywhere.
i had busted my chin after i fainted.
that is the thing with adrenaline.
you never know you’re injured until you see the blood.
so not only did i aggravate my pain by that fall,
i was also leaking heavy.

today,
the pain isn’t as bad and the leaking finally stopped.
thank God my friends were there for me.
i was in too much pain to update,
but i felt some relief so i wanted to let you know what was going on.

I’m on rest mode and i’ll brb.

lowkey: this past week was a shit show.
next week?
better?
yes?

31 thoughts on “4.3.21

  1. Get your rest. I’m taking a self care day. Sometimes we just need downtime. I’m glad that you’re safe.

    1. ^ thank you malcolm.

      i found some ibuprofen 800 today and they helped.
      they make me tired af tho,
      but at least i can sleep.

      enjoy your self-care day.

  2. Yes, please rest and try to meditate to clear your mind of negative thoughts. 🙏🏽 Wishing you the best!

  3. So very sorry to hear that you had such an unpleasant experience. After you rest please ,please seek Professional medical help to ensure that this never occurs again. You must look out for you!

    You are very much loved and appreciated. There is no one to replace you so please ensure that Jamari is at his best ( smile)

  4. This happened to me last week, too. I couldn’t even turn my head. I used plenty of Tylenol and cbd oil u can get it on Amazon . Also sleeping elevated on a cold water bottle out of the freezer

  5. Please take care of yourself fox and seek medical attention if you are able to. Praying for your recovery

  6. A spoonful of Apple cider vinegar or turmeric in a glass of water can help when pain relievers don’t. Can you program your phone to speed-dial a friend if another such emergency arises again? Like a quick shortcut key?

  7. I just realized that i hadn’t been to the blog all week and the first thing i see is this. Man oh man! Praying you are getting better and stronger with each passing day!

    1. I generally interact with him through DMs on IG,he hasn’t responded yet which is unusual.I know there are a couple of guys on here that he communicates with off line so hopefully they have heard from him since he made this post.
      I hope he’s OK too.

  8. I miss u,Jamari and you keeping us updated on everything. You come first. I hope its nothing serious. Take care of yourself and get well. Me and everyone on your blog or website will keep you in our prays. Speedy recovery.

  9. Fishing for sympathy comments again. You want people to simp for you but you don’t respect your own followers of your blog that you should be grateful to have and grateful that they even care.

    1. ^you seem to be having issues accepting your sexuality.
      it comes off like you were raised to see other gay males as weak.
      you think being emotional is “simping” because,
      more than likely,
      you experienced some kind of trauma in your youth.
      in turn,
      you bottled it all up all and take it out on other gay males that you deem as weak on the internet.
      you don’t have a voice in real life so it’s better to be incognito in a comment box.

      is there a woman involved as a prop to throw the straights off your path?
      this all reeks of classic homophobic (and dare i say sociopathic) DL behavior.

      1. No I don’t have a woman involved, I’m not homophobic nor am I DL. Yes I have had a lot of negative experiences with gay men in particular that may or may not have caused me some trauma. I don’t really like them because they are one of the most degrading, shallow classless groups of people. I don’t really like humans in general tbh straight, gay, bi, lesbian, etc… But everywhere I look there is some degrading, embarrassing, heinous mess involving gay men. Just ‘Keeping It A Buck’.

      2. You didn’t even bother to reply to your followers of your blog as they were concerned of your absence ‘Y Colette’ claims they DM’d you and you ignored them. So all I was saying is I don’t get why you fish for sympathy comments and then ignore when people reach out to you because they care.

        1. ^so ima keep it A BUCK with you…

          i’m insulted you would come on here and loop me with trash.
          i’m not trash.
          i’m not sleeping around with diseases,
          not being malicious or messy,
          not being a creep,
          or anything that is deemed as degrading or heinous.
          you’d think i was out here scamming or asking my readers for money.
          i’m doing NONE of those things.
          i’m simply writing my truth and providing content for my community.

          it’s insulting that in all your damage-ness,
          you assume everyone one of is the same,
          but YOU are exactly like the same things you claim you hate to see within “people”.
          i don’t know shit about you,
          we have never spoken before,
          but you have this idea about me.

          congrats!
          you are every messy gay man that thinks they know everything!
          groundbreaking.
          so thank you for insulting me.
          we have nothing else to talk about.

          1. I’m not insulting you. You’re the one insulting me by calling me a psycho and “imagine going under people’s comment boxes talking shit but being completely irrelevant everywhere else. sounds tragic.” By the time you posted this, who else were you talking about? Typical gaslighting, fake cancer.

            Here’s a tip: Stop obsessing over these steroid induced shallow DL attention seekers, stop crying over wanting people’s love period. I know that’s hard for you clingy cancers. Invest in loving, treating, yourself and glowing up. At the end of the day you will die alone. All you have is you. Someone has to ‘keep it a buck’ and tell you straight, I ain’t the one to coddle nobody.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!