to my special one.

in 2002-03ish,
after wandering in the city all day,
a friend “who i don’t know anymore” suggested we go to toys r us that was in time square.
she wanted to meet up with a girl who worked there that she met online.
i didn’t want the day to end so i was down.
when i first saw the girl we were meeting,
i said to myself:

“Wow,
she looks really stressed out and over it.
SEE this is why I don’t do retail.”

and

“I really dig this girl’s energy,
but we will probably never see each other again.”

The Universe made sure that wouldn’t happen.
a year or two later,
we reconnected on the blogging platform,
xanga.
she hopped in my comments and i did the same in hers.
we would write entries about our frustrations and loneliness.
the folks who broke our hearts; the ones who got away.
the main theme for us was trying to find that perfect love.
toys r us and that friend “who i don’t know anymore” both brought us stress,
and ironically don’t exist any longer either,
but they were the starting point in planting the seed for this friendship to grow.
when i look back at the first time we met until now,
i ask myself:

Who knew from that moment we met that our “us” would become this?

i get to write another story on my own platform about us.
last sunday in brooklyn,
she got married to your soulmate…

Continue reading “to my special one.”

how to respond when someone thinks you’re gay af for not being married or having kids

insecurity makes us create stories as explanations.
when we are insecure about something,
we try to throw others off the scent with an elaborate tale.
it never worked because it always comes back to bite you in both cheeks.
your old tales have a way of catching up with your new ones.
when i was insecure about certain things,
i’d explain myself in a way that i thought would make me look good.
in actuality,
it brought more guilt down on my head.
the entry i wrote yesterday about being married/having kids led a foxholer to ask me this:

“Jamari, it would be great to create a post on how to respond to these unwelcomed dating inquiries and hear how others would respond.”

and i have just the response for everyone that works for me…

Continue reading “how to respond when someone thinks you’re gay af for not being married or having kids”

if you aren’t married and have kids by the time you’re 35, you’re gay af

there comes a point in every male’s life where the questions start rising.

“Why aren’t you married?”

“Why don’t you have kids?”

Why are you single?”

if you’re insecure or not comfortable within your own skin,
this pretty much defines the choices of your life.
if you are someone who is straight,
it adds this pressure to go out and find someone quickly.
so you’ll hook up with some vixen you don’t even like to shut people up.
regardless if you’re treating her like shit,
or cheating on her like it’s going outta style,
it just “looks” good for everyone else.
if you’re gay but curious/dl,
that can really make the paranoia of being labeled “gay” scream at you.
so you know what happens

Continue reading “if you aren’t married and have kids by the time you’re 35, you’re gay af”

hookups off dating apps are leaving some gays dead during this panny

even though brighter times are ahead with biden,
we are still in the midst of a dark winter.
that means there is gonna be a lot more crime until we come out of this slump.
big city.
small city.
hood.
suburb.
everyone needs to be vigilant.
it was a risk hooking up with randoms off the internet before the panny,
but you gotta be real careful going to meet up with anyone nowadays.
^bobby scott,
who is pictured above,
was in an open relationship with his hubby.
he went to hook up with some bbc off a dating app and well…

Continue reading “hookups off dating apps are leaving some gays dead during this panny”

niecy nash proves that she knows how to keep a good secret

i always want my future relationships to be private.
something about sneaking around with your manz turns me on.
i love a good secret and i adore those who can keep them.
niecy nash was keeping a damn good secret about her dating life.
all this time,
i thought she was with a male.
“you thought” because
Continue reading “niecy nash proves that she knows how to keep a good secret”

tonto dikeh wanted us to know she woke up married to a bisexual

the bisexuals are having the best week ever?
i guess so.
so ^that is nollywood actress,
tonto dikeh.
for the first day of march,
she had a revelation about her ex-husband,
churchill olakunle,
who lap she is sitting on.
she decided to allegedly out him via instagram.
this is what a foxholer sent me…

Continue reading “tonto dikeh wanted us to know she woke up married to a bisexual”