i was wrong.
i was in a funk.
i wrote something earlier that i had to really think about fully.
choosing to die?
not staying and fighting?
have i come to this?
that is not the “jamari fox” way.
some of my greatest victories are because i fought.
it wasn’t because i gave up.
i don’t give up.
i don’t run away.
i confront things head on.
no amount of funk should ever make me even think that thought.
as i sat at the park today,
admiring all the beauty and life around me,
i came to this point tonight…
i am the cause of my own “failures”.
well what i think are failures.
most of them are lessons.
no one else.
i can’t blame anyone else for the way i’ve been feeling.
no “work wolf” or a “cousin”.
no “job” or “the idiots who work there”.
i choose my happiness.
i choose what i give my attention to.
i can bend things to my whim if i choose.
did you know a company chose the foxhole to host ads on?
at the end of the july-ish,
the insticator reached out to me.
i didn’t think to mention because i was in a funk.
i was worried about the wrong things and people.
if you are at your computer,
you will see ads all over the site.
if you are on your computer or phone,
you will see an ad in the form of a quiz on the sidebar.
it refreshes every 30 seconds.
well it is there because of the company that reached out to me.
every time you play it,
it brings ad revenue to the foxhole.
that’s a major goddamn blessing right there.
i chose to be engulfed in my own foolishness to recognize that.
i decided that i’m going to get out of this funk today.
but it truly serves no purpose.
so to answer my own question from “if i stay” earlier…
i would stay.
stay and fight.
people don’t tell me who i am.
i tell them.
…and that’s it.
i will handle everything else accordingly.
i want to thank everyone for the comments and emails.
i also want to ask for your forgiveness.
god is still working on this fox.
don’t give up on me just yet.