UPDATE: She Loves Him, But He Loves A4A and Butt Cheeks More. Should I Tell?

So,
as usual,
team #foxhole rocked.
Good work team.
We helped a Fox out of another bind.
Your comments helped tremendously so: round of applause.
Remember this f0x mail here:

CLICK HERE TO REMEMBER

Well he has an update!

Ok let me begin… i told one of my boys(fox) who I hang out with about the whole deal. i told him to read your blog which he did and then review my decision which was B. I gave him the Vixen’s phone number. He called her from Google Talk and told her quote “listen i am messing with ur nigga and he isnt all straight”. i made sure that i was there with her when he called she had came over to my apt ..after 15mins of being there i texted him to call… when he told her that she got frustrated and asked who he was and why he was calling her phone about shit, she started cussing him out. then she hang up she seemed shocked and afraid of something. i asked her if she was ok she shook her head and told me that she had to leave and bolted out. i asked her what was going on, but she was so shocked she literally ran out. i texted her, but she didn’t answer. the next day @ work i left the office for lunch and came back to see her in distress. so i asked her to talk to me after work. she told me that while she was @ my place, some nigga had called her told her about her nigga. i acted shocked and she said when she asked him about it,  he said it was his baby mama who wants him back because they have a 6 year old boy together and she is jealous of their new relationship, thats why she had a man call her phone.

I looked @ her and told her it didn’t make any sense…. this is where it all got messy jamari … When he hit me up A4A before i found out who he was, i had unlocked my pics for him in order to see who was behind the private photo. well, i forgot to lock it afterwards on Tuesday. The Vixen came to me at work and started questioning me about my sexuality and why it was so weird that she got that call @ my place, but i told her i thought u said it was his babymama. well apparently, he had the nerve to tell her that every time he comes around her and am there i hit on him and it makes him uncomfortable!!

Jamari, I was furious beyond myself… I think he realized that i was the one behind the call. i know he isn’t going to give her up and i don’t want her attitude, which can be nasty at times she makes good money just like me so she pays for certain stuff for him. i think the fact that she does that he isn’t going away ..but i am done with this situation and even scared for me. my friendship with her is not going to be the same after the harassment i received from her the other day after what that scam told her.

I love you thanks for the help i will drop my tip in your jar and sometimes i think certain bizarre situations should be left alone. This nigga is tryin to pull something on me which seems funny because i still have the messages from a4a even dough his account has been delete. i am just beyond myself.

sounds like a serious close call.
lesson to everyone: keep your coworkers from 9 to 5 ONLY.
keep it light, do you job, and go home.

Well….
I am glad no Foxes were harmed in the process.
Keep the mail coming!

jamari.fox@gmail.com

29 thoughts on “UPDATE: She Loves Him, But He Loves A4A and Butt Cheeks More. Should I Tell?

  1. WOW. That shit is crazy, and people are even crazier. Maybe it should have been life alone after all. *sigh*

  2. SMH.

    What part of keep your lipped zipped did he not understand?

    Knowing this chick got ol’ boy’s dick on her mantle, why did he think setting up sting operation was a good idea? Also, you know DL dudes lie like shit, he knew good and well that the chick was gonna believe the baby mama set-up story (or any story dude would come up with) and then having ol’ girl question his role in the whole thing–drama should have been expected. Save the stunts and shows for Hollywood.

    Next time, don’t save her. She don’t wanna be saved.

    LOL@Wednesday Addams she is working it out.

  3. I told you! I told you! I told YOU!

    I knew that wouldn’t work because she’d put it together that it happened in your presence. You guys have to realize that this was probably not this dudes first time in this situation. Down low dudes are skilled liars and master manipulators, but at the same time it does not take much to keep most of these women in the dark.

    Do not make it your mission to make these women see the light, especially if you do not have significant history with them and they don’t know you’re gay or bi. What makes you so much more credible than the person they’re so into they can’t see the truth.

    Denial is awful thing, but the upside is he’s on her radar now. Once suspicion has been raised he has to be even more on his game and there’s no going back. He has to be aware of every slightly feminine gesture he makes, every lie he tells, and any suspect behavior. Women put shit together eventually, even if it takes twenty years.

    This just confirms my stance on the situation. If you’re not my sibling, your partner cheating on you is none of my business. I know my sister will believe me no matter what. The rest can keep fucking their second-hand dicks.

  4. I told his ass not to get involved, now this fox almost got his tail clipped!… Rule #1: When it comes to ppl relationships stay out of it….

  5. …and another thing. You always lock your photos back after they’ve glanced at you. Lol

    We need to explore why this action with good intentions blew up in his face. These black women are quite bitter with the fact that a lot of men are either in jail, with women of another race, or, yep you guessed it, gay!

    Seems like gay men are oblivious to the underlying rivalry. They shop and hit clubs with these vixens as the token gay guy and show them how to spot gay men and show them all the goodlooking men they can’t have. They don’t see your struggle of never really being sure how a man feels about you because he can’t express it openly or not being able to approach or be approached in public. They just see an endless supply of men that don’t want them, while they’re stuck with the bums with 7 kids by 5 women.

    I really hope some of you guys take something from this, because it happens all the time.

    You thought you were cool with her until a man she wanted came along.

    1. Jay you broke it down so good about Vixen’s. This dude needed this to happen, I remember so many of us told him to leave this shit alone and what the outcome was going to be and he went on with that dumb ass plan anyway. SMH, now the spotlight is on him and best believe this messy Vixen has spread some bad things about him around the office with others, and its only a matter of time before he hears about it.

    2. It’s not black women. I hate when people do that.

      How many white governors and politicians have found to be closeted? And how many of their wives believed otherwise despite all evidence to the contrary?

      It’s natural to refuse to believe anything negative about someone you care for. Especially when you see that individual as being among your few chances at real love.

      The problem is that in society we teach behaviors that are only taught to the advantage of the majority.

      Women are told to be that the faithful and loyal wife (or in the hood, a “down ass bitch”). The controlling group (men) tell them in order to find real love, they have to look and behave a certain way and in order to keep a man, they need to do the same.

      The same is attributable to the gay community with foxes, hybrids, and wolves.

      1. Black women are much more vigilant and paranoid about down low men though, but when confronted with the issue that their boyfriend/husband is indeed D.L. they typically shoot the messenger. You’re the fag trying to steal her man period!

        I don’t think its about being loyal, it’s that they feel they already have slim pickings anyway. They fear being alone an not finding anyone else.

        Wives of politicians rarely leave their cheating husbands whether they’re cheating with men or women for appearance purposes.

      2. They’re more vigilant because we have self hating homosexuals and the mass media scaring them into believing black men (gay, straight, bisexual, and otherwise) are out to harm them. Suddenly, every black men is a suspected homosexual carrying the AIDS virus, looking to infect the puritanical black woman.

        How is that need or want to be loved and the belief that there are slim pickings any different than the complaints voiced by foxes and hybrids everywhere? It’s not.

        The point is, everyone has that fear. Men and women alike. It doesn’t just rest with the black woman.

        As much as we need the larger media to stop demonizing the black man, the black gay community needs to stop demonizing the black woman. All it does is hurt our community and makes us fearful and hateful towards one another.

  6. He should have left that situation alone thats why hes in the predicament hes in now stay out of your friends affairs theres a good possibility she would have found out on her own. Smh side eye that was sly way messy as hell.

  7. I’m among the few that told him to tell her and I stand by what I said. Sometimes you have to take the ‘L’ in doing the right thing and I think if more people lived by that, the world would be a much better place.

    If he had told her and things turned out well, we would have all been applauding him for doing the stand up thing. But because the situation has gone south, we tell him he should have kept his mouth closed. Can’t have it both ways. Telling her was the right thing to do. Now, whether or not he went about it the right way is up for debate, but if he considered her a good friend, she deserved to know.

    1. In what way could this have turned out well? She takes it well and he figures out you blew up his spot? I told him to keep his mouth shut because I knew how it was a no win situation. The situation is sticky when dealing with heterosexuals, but when dealing with work friends that don’t even know you well enough to know your orientation, much less the one of her boyfriend, you’re asking for it.

      Your fam or best friend? Cool. Other than that, you’re inviting drama into your life.

      I had a friend that would constantly ask me if her boyfriend was cheating. I would say I don’t know and she should follow her instincts. Of course I knew he fucked her best friend in his car on her birthday, but I knew in the end she was going to go back to him because he was a charming, desirable, popular quarterback and he had her wrapped around his finger.

      She finally said “I get it. We’re not close enough for you to stick your neck out.”

      You damn right!

      1. I won’t disagree that business and pleasure shouldn’t be mixed. I think it’s dangerous to do otherwise. But, and correct me if I’m wrong, he stated the woman was a friend.

        Therefore, regardless of the outcome, he had already crossed that line and since he considered her a friend, telling her was the friend thing to do.

        Now, you may feel since she’s a coworker, being friends in the intimate sense of the word is out of the question and I’d be inclined to agree. But clearly that’s not the perspective he had.

        Best case scenario, he tells her what he knows and shows her the proof and leaves it up to her to decide what she wants to do. At the end of the day, he has no personal relationship with her boyfriend, so how he feels shouldn’t matter.

        I believe in smartly doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is. In my opinion, it’s better to risk losing the friendship of a coworker than disregarding her health and having that shit on my conscience.

    2. i understand what you are saying, but if he was going to tell her he should have been all the way real because there is no way he could have done this and not gotten his hands dirty…this is real life not the movies

    3. The point is “Random”, he didn’t tell her he plotted and dropped the information on her attempting to out someone else while protecting himself, that was not a good look so it backfired and now he has to be responsible for the consequences…..how are you going to fix a dishonest situation, by being dishonest…..it never works….

  8. Random :
    They’re more vigilant because we have self hating homosexuals and the mass media scaring them into believing black men (gay, straight, bisexual, and otherwise) are out to harm them. Suddenly, every black men is a suspected homosexual carrying the AIDS virus, looking to infect the puritanical black woman.
    How is that need or want to be loved and the belief that there are slim pickings any different than the complaints voiced by foxes and hybrids everywhere? It’s not.
    The point is, everyone has that fear. Men and women alike. It doesn’t just rest with the black woman.
    As much as we need the larger media to stop demonizing the black man, the black gay community needs to stop demonizing the black woman. All it does is hurt our community and makes us fearful and hateful towards one another.

    No one’s demonizing black women but homos need to stop thinking that black women sympathize with their plight. Just because both are engaging in sex with black men does not make you allies by default.

    You are NOT the same.
    You do NOT share the same struggles.

    If you get too comfortable and forget that, situations like this will surely remind you.

    If you want to be a beacon of morality and feel obligated to expose dirt be prepared for the consequences and the drama it brings into your life.

    Lots of gay men do the exact same thing this dude did (with good intentions or the contrary) and that’s why they have the reputation of being messy.

    In the end, I just hope vixens would do the same for you. Most of them could care less…

    You don’t think there’s a faction of black women out there that believe gay men are turning all the good black men?

    You don’t think that some of them feel a little bit of jealousy that there is group of successful and likely financially stable men out there that are not available to them?

    You don’t believe that some gay men reduce themselves to being pets of women? Running behind them like puppies, listening to her relationship problems, while she could care less about his love life?

    I’m not making this shit up out of thin air. I’m telling you what I see.

    I have no need to demonize anyone. No one’s innocent in my eyes.

    1. I’m sure there are just as many black women out here that believe gay men are turning all the good black men as there are black gay men sleeping with married men, taken men, and “straight” men. The truth is, it happens. So the belief isn’t exactly unfounded, no matter how upset it may make you or others in this community.

      I do believe that gay men need to be more assertive in the friendships and relationships they have. My point is, this isn’t a race issue and to suggest that it is, is wrong. Why? Because there are just as many white women who use gay men for the same reasons.

      1. No one’s making it a race issue, but white women don’t have to deal with the fact that a lot of their men are in prison, not marrying them, or marrying outside of their race.

        I’m simply stating that these circumstances may be why black women react the way they do when it comes to gay men and these situations.

        I don’t think that’s reaching at all.

  9. Yeah chalk it up to the game and call this experience. You needed to see this happen for your self, many of us have experienced this situation before. Shit even if you have a female bestfriend and you try to warn her that her man on some other shit (prolly because he tried to get at you) a bitch will try to play you like you ain’t been her nigga for the longest. I think your biggest mistake from this was trying to approach it was trying to be the middle man and not get your hands dirty. And try not to be so naive, when that nigga hit you up on a4a of course he remembered who you were! When he was checking her out in the spot, he was making plans for you to be his side piece too. Never under estimate switch hitting niggas because they are always resourceful and meticulous. They have to be in the caliber of games they play.

  10. Random :
    I won’t disagree that business and pleasure shouldn’t be mixed. I think it’s dangerous to do otherwise. But, and correct me if I’m wrong, he stated the woman was a friend.
    Therefore, regardless of the outcome, he had already crossed that line and since he considered her a friend, telling her was the friend thing to do.
    Now, you may feel since she’s a coworker, being friends in the intimate sense of the word is out of the question and I’d be inclined to agree. But clearly that’s not the perspective he had.
    Best case scenario, he tells her what he knows and shows her the proof and leaves it up to her to decide what she wants to do. At the end of the day, he has no personal relationship with her boyfriend, so how he feels shouldn’t matter.
    I believe in smartly doing the right thing, no matter how hard it is. In my opinion, it’s better to risk losing the friendship of a coworker than disregarding her health and having that shit on my conscience.

    Just saw this.

    I guess its noble to feel some sort of moral responsibility to protect her health, but it wouldn’t be on my conscience. Her health is her responsibility. If she catches something that’s on him for giving it to her and her for engaging in sex with someone w/o protection or w/o knowing their status. Those responsibilities and risks come with sex. I’m not taking on anyone else’s shit. I have my own shit to deal with. I guess that’s one of the benefits on riding solo though.

  11. Kingphoenix :
    i understand what you are saying, but if he was going to tell her he should have been all the way real because there is no way he could have done this and not gotten his hands dirty…this is real life not the movies

    I agree.

    Or, if he was going to be sneaky about it, he should have gone about it a better way.

    1. If he was gonna tell her – he needed to not be around. You have your boy call from a Google Voice number, but not when she’s at your house, & don’t ask about it later. Just continue your interaction as normal & if something comes up – then you just ask if she’s ok & leave it at that. Oh – and lock your pictures & block Old boy from your a4a/twitter/etc page. He was tryna be Cap’n Save-a-Heffa — being the good fag-hag she could lean on in time of trouble…when you brought trouble to the door. Not gonna work, son.

  12. Don’t sweat that friendship, because you weren’t friends anyway. A friend would have stepped up and been honest with her from jump.

    Let it go.

  13. The entire situations was doomed from the beginning because the motive was wrong, in that you were not acting in best interest of the person, because you were still to focused on self preservation.

    At the point where you were not willing to out yourself, ol boy should not have been willing to try and out anyone else. No mater how right or wrong the persons actions are.

    Furthermore, there was the assumption that the dude didn’t recognize you and continued the conversation, he could have been more of the perception that you were going to be the good one to keep your mouth shut and not fuck the game up. Either way you live and learn.

    There is no glory in planning someone else demise.

    As my Grandmother says when you dig a ditch for someone you may want to dig two, because the first one you dig will trap you, so maybe the second will actually catch your target.

    Not to mention, ol boy is going to official spread the word to avoid you like the plague via his new profile, that was immediately created, so you may want to take yours down and start all over again as well.

    Straight, Gay, Bi or Tri it is best to stay out of peoples bedroom business unless you are one of the people in the bedroom.

If you wouldn't say it on live TV with all your family and friends watching, without getting canceled or locked up, don't say it on here. Stay on topic, no SPAM, and keep it respectful. Thanks!