from the time i was young,
i was always moving from one place to another.
something would happen just when i thought we found a home.
we would stay with someone until we found our “temporary” home again.
i font temporary because we’d be there for a few years.

until…

when we finally found a forever home,
when i finally felt safe,
my mother died three years into it.
those three years were peaceful and that home was wonderful.
that’s why that “jlo” album takes me back there.
it came out around a time when we felt like we touched solid ground.

until…

so i worked my ass off until i could get my forever home.
a home i stayed in for over fifteen years because it felt like safety.
i’ve lost that and like the familiar from when i was young
i’m a guest in someone’s space.
adjusting to unsaid rules; learning new rhythms and moods.
honestly…

it’s been a hell.
not so much them but how i feel inside.
it has activated some kind of trauma heavy.

over the years,
i’ve learned how to adapt even when i’m uncomfortable,
even when i’m unfamiliar with the ground beneath me.
i guess this is another season where i don’t feel safe again.
all i fantasize about is when i’m back in my own spot again.

until…?

lowkey: a friend said to me…
“jamari,
i was homeless at the start of 2024 and i ended it with my own spot.
i had no job and was in an uncomfortable situation but look at me now.
the same will happen for you too.”