i haven’t done anything.
my weekend was pretty much ruined friday night.
i can’t stop not thinking about what happened either.
the whole scene loops in my head.
i been either laying in bed or talking to my people who lent a shoulder.
the first thing they all say:
“i did not see this coming.”
they know we’ve gotten into it,
but they didn’t think it would escalate like that.
everyone from star fox mother,
have been on board with kicking her out.
the comments on here are all full tilt “she gots to go”.
left doesn’t want to see her on the streets.
the pretty vixen thinks we need to fix it because we have similar stories.
work wolf wants us to work it out.
he said if she comes to me to talk about it,
and we have a real discussion,
then don’t kick her out.
if she doesn’t,
then let her be on her way.
another one said she needs to get therapy and anger management.
jamari fox: confused.
my adrenaline is down now so i can think.
here is the thing with mi…
mi has a lot of misplaced anger.
now i’m not defending her and clearly she was wrong.
she attacked me and did some real fucked up shit in this apartment,
but i had to wonder if she is there a bigger issue?
everyone in her life has turned their back on her.
95% of it has been her fault.
i’m also not the first person she has fought as well.
there seems to be a pattern with her with family.
mi has had a pretty tough childhood.
she has been molested,
her father is a deadbeat,
and has pretty much experienced homelessness and neglect.
her mother is a lot of the reason she is the way she is too.
i know a lot of her story and it maybe why i have a soft spot for her.
in my heart,
i guess i wanted to help her be something other than “the streets”.
i’m learning you can’t save everyone.
the betrayal aspect still stings tho.
i let her into my home,
shared things with her,
provided her with food,
and this is the thanks i get?
she also went from “0 to bat shit crazy” and could have killed my ass.
that is the side of me that dominates any soft spot.
that side is the hurt and rage i feel.
i still don’t want to see her personally.
i’m not ready yet.
i am not the fuckin’ enemy and i didn’t deserve that.
as some of you,
and even my friends have told me,
she may need “drama” to function.
her life is “drama”.
her friends are “drama”.
i am “boring”.
hitting rock bottom could be what changes her.
she needs to see what its like to crawl as most of us did.
she is also still young,
and has the mind of a teenager.
its still funny to me how jay’s comment the day before foreshadowed.
i also had my own thoughts of being so compassionate and “nice” this week.
i guess it was all a warning to me that life is about to come to a screeching halt.
this also taught me i need to do some changes as well.