one thing i learned from my mother was how she handled wolves.
when it was time to go,
she go.
there was no announcements or big blow ups and like clockwork:

i watched those same wolves circling back in panic,
blowing up the house phone,
knocking on the door,
and suddenly remembering her worth.

i’m not quite as ruthless at times but when i’m done,
i “be” done.
this isn’t just about wolves either…

it’s about survival in a forest of jackals and hyenas that will break you if you allow them.

i could know you for twelve weeks or twelve years,
if you hurt me past a certain point,
i can go from besties to banishment.
once i stop saying your name,
you’ve reached my personal mariah stage:

that’s when i’ve arrived at the final phase of grief:

acceptance.

…and when i’m at that place,
it’s a cold day in hell i ever speak or font to that person again.
check my resume from my past cut offs.
the problem is i’ve let some people into the deeper layers of my cancer shell,
only for them to take being there for granted.
i’m a big “show up for me emotionally kind of fox” but with some:

they have leaned on my comfort and warmness,
but don’t return that same energy when i need it.

aka some of these folks were self absorbed and emotional users.

right now,
i’m nearing acceptance with a wolf i thought was my friend.
he did something that cut deeper than he probably realizes.
it’s been two weeks since i’ve heard from him,
but when he called to ask a mutual friend if was mad,
without ever making the effort to call or text me…

but i did everything HE wanted me to do and listened to all of HIS issues.
ask HIM if he ever did the same for me…

those two weeks were my quiet and processing time.
he fucked up because i see clearly now…

…and once i see clearly,
i know where the exit is.

lowkey: he isn’t a bad wolf like others in the past.
he is self absorbed and emotionally stunted.
he also allows his toxic ex to get away with more than he has ever given me.
that is the part the annoys me the most.