i was telling my therapist today that i really admire “the bold bitch“.
karaoke is one of my first examples in life of “the bold bitch”.
i have really admired her since i first met her.
she isn’t mean or rude to people.
people love being around her.
she just has that “she don’t play that“.
she isn’t easily shaken and is in control of herself.

B. I. T. C H.
“BEING IN TOTAL CONTROL of HERSELF”

my first example of it was when we we worked together…

i’ll never forget she was on register 3.
the supervisors were really bitchy at this retail job.
so one of them said to her:

“karaoke,
i don’t see anyone at your register.”

why did she climb onto the stand next to her register,
and yell out:

“REGISTER 3 IS OPEN!
ANYONE LOOKING TO CHECK OUT,
COME TO REGISTER 3!”

here i was,
clutching my pearls like:

“oh.
my.
Gawd.
she is gonna get in trouble!”

well,
she didn’t and it made them really cool with her.
matter a fact,
i remember them leaving her alone,
whereas i was catching hell trying to be “the perfect one“.

there is a vixen at my job who cannot stand my boss.
a few weeks ago,
they got into it and she stormed out.
here i was,
clutching my pearls like:

“oh.
my,
GAWD,
she is gonna get in trouble!”

well,
she made my boss cry and she is still working there.

i am seeing my boss trying to kiss her ass now.
my boss,
however,
is speaking to me any kind of way and it’s really got me annoyed.
my therapist said:

“when you tried to be yourself,
you were shot down.
so you tried to be perfect and that never worked.
they were raised differently or experienced trauma differently.
you were picked on,
broken down,
and disrespected so your experiences are different.
here is the thing jamari,
it’s never too late to be the person you admire in others.”

i’ve been sitting with that.